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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the kids are still too young to be left "home alone" at night?

63 replies

SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 19:27

My kids (boys) are aged 11 and 13. Admittedly I have left them home alone for a few hours here and there for the past couple of years. At first no longer than half an hour - gradually increasing for longer. Last summer holidays I left them from 9am until 1pm to do a half day at work. I knew for a fact they'd still be in bed (or not long awake) when I got home. They know not to answer the door, they know where the keys are, they know how to use the phone and not to touch kitchen appliances etc and I always leave them sandwiches so they're not tempted to try and make their own whilst I'm out (although to be fair most 13 year olds should be perfectly ok with making a sandwich!).

I don't leave them on a night though or late evening.

I have been invited out next friday - to the pub, just a few drinks, home by 11.30pm. I can't find a babysitter however so have declined the offer. My friends are now saying the kids will be fine here alone until I get back as I've left them longer to go to work. One of these friends works for the social services and is also saying they're old enough to be left providing I don't leave them for longer than 12 hours??!?

AIBU to think leaving them from 7pm-11.30pm for a night out is different from leaving them 9am - 1pm to work?

Or am I being stupid?

OP posts:
mamalovesmojitos · 14/11/2011 19:52

I would definitely go. They'll be fine. You can keep in touch with texts. Enjoy yourself!

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/11/2011 19:53

I'm in two minds.

On the one hand, we have left DS home alone and gone out to the cinema or for a meal with friends. He has just turned 13,and we have felt OK to do this for almost a year now. He knows not to answer the door or the landline, we check midway on his mobile that everything is OK, and obviously he can get a hold of us that way too. We have neighbours he could go to for help, in an emergency. He revels in uninterrupted XBox play and domain over the TV controllers.

On the other hand, there are two of them. It would depend how they behave together (I am happy to leave son alone, but wouldn't do so if he had a friend round even if friend's parents were fine about it). My sister and I used to squabble and ended up breaking a glass internal door when I one of us slammed the door behind them in a huff. My parents were not best pleased with us.

If you think they will be sensible, not smash glass damage anything in rough play; I'd go for it.

LiegeAndLief · 14/11/2011 19:55

My brother and I were left while my parents went out at this age. It was fine. Having said that I was very sensible - my mother always said I was born 30.

SoupDragon · 14/11/2011 19:55

I wouldn't leave them if they were going to be asleep. I don't mid leaving my 12 & 10 year olds when they are awake and thus able to deal with any imagined emergency but I am uncomfortable with the idea of leaving them asleep.

I'd compromise by going out from 7-9pm. Or I would if I didn't also have a 5 year old :o

StopRainingPlease · 14/11/2011 19:56

We left our girls recently for an evening at just this age. I asked if they wanted me to get a friend in to stay with them, the 13 year old said not bothered, the 11 year old had a think about it and then said she didn't. We phoned up once during the evening, and told them to phone us if they wanted (they didn't).

They were fine.

Original poster
SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 19:58

They love being left alone and certainly wouldn't be asleep if there was nobody there to police a bedtime! it's hard enough getting them to go to bed when I'm in Grin

OP posts:
StopRainingPlease · 14/11/2011 19:58

SoupDragon - have there ever been any emergencies in your house when your kids (and/or you) were asleep? I've never in my life (and that's many years now!) had a night time emergency - not since leaving uni, anyway, when someone smoking in bed set the fire alarm off....

Original poster
SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 20:01

Nobody smokes in this house so no danger of rogue tab ends setting fire to anything.

I'm a bit confused now, I was so sure you'd all side with me and say they were too young. Not sure why I feel so differently about it being an evening as opposed to during the day.

Say for instance some figure of authority did knock on the door (unlikely I know but trying to imagine all scenarios) - would I be in trouble for leaving them alone? would it be investigated?

OP posts:
DressDownFriday · 14/11/2011 20:02

I am reading this thread with interest. I was wondering the same - my 2 DC are 11 and 14 (only just).

We have left them during the day for a couple of hours but have not yet done so in an evening.

I think I would definitely go but would drive (if that's an option for you) and come home a little earlier especially with it being the first time.

Dee03 · 14/11/2011 20:05

I have left my 2 ds aged 12 and 14 for an evening...but I've been home by 10.30 (mainly due to the fact my 12 year old will text and phone me constantly!!!)
I have a 9 year old ds too but I wouldn't leave all 3 at home for an evening as they would kill each other!! Grin

runningwilde · 14/11/2011 20:06

Agree with those who say go for a bit but get back by at least 10pm - especially as it is the first time at night. Let us know how you go!

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 20:08

No, you wouldn't get in trouble for leaving them alone as long as you didn't leave them in obvious danger.

You'll be ten minutes away with a mobile phone.

SoupDragon · 14/11/2011 20:09

StopRainingPlease, well there was the time when there were several police cars, 2 vans, a helicopter and the dog team trying to catch some miscreant or other. That would quite possibly have scared them had they been alone.

Or the time when a fire engine turned up, sirens blaring a couple of doors down.

But you're right, because it has never happened to you it can't ever happen can it?

We all make judgements based on our on risk assessments.

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove · 14/11/2011 20:09

I was babysitting for neighbours' children from the age of 14, and would expect to be able to leave boys of that age alone for a few hours.

Obviously depends on the DC though and how responsible they are.

Stupify64 · 14/11/2011 20:09

Could you have a 'dry run' before then? Go somewhere really, really close for a slightly shorter time?

I actually told mine I was going out & sat in the garage for 2 hours, but perhaps this was excessive!

spookygarlic · 14/11/2011 20:10

They are too young.

SoupDragon · 14/11/2011 20:11

"No, you wouldn't get in trouble for leaving them alone as long as you didn't leave them in obvious danger."

The thing is, that is not necessarily true. The law is not explicit about this, being covered by something vague like "child endangerment".

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 14/11/2011 20:16

Honestly, I am astounded by this thread. People really don't think a 13 year old and an 11 year old can be safely left at home alone for one evening? It wasn't all that long ago that a 14 year old could leave school and go out to work for a 10 hour day - down mines, in t'factories, by gum, without mobile phones either! Fancy!!

SoupDragon · 14/11/2011 20:18

Gosh, yes, and weren't things so much better when we sent children down the mines? Hmm

KatieScarlett2833 · 14/11/2011 20:19

I'm thinking of my 2 when they were that age bibbety

There is no way that leaving my two would have been problem-free. The eldest was way too immature to be responsible for the youngest. They would have argued all night.

Pekka · 14/11/2011 20:20

Depends on the kids. We were left alone for nights at 10 and 12, and we were quite scared. It was a lot of responsibility for my 12 year old brother.

CointreauVersial · 14/11/2011 20:21

Mine are currently 12 and 10; my main problem is they can't stand each other. I popped out for 5 minutes today to take DD2 to Brownies, and they were mid-fight when I got back.

At this rate, they'll be 20 and 18 before I can leave them alone.

jubilee10 · 14/11/2011 20:32

We left our boys for the first time ever last week. They are 16, 14 and 5. I would hesitate to leave the 16 year old alone with the dog but my 14 year old is very sensible and we paid him to babysit. The 5 year old was in bed asleep when we left and we were out from 8pm until 11.30pm. We were only 5 mins down the road and left loads of contact numbers. All was well and although I was quite unsure about it I would now do it again.

Crabapple99 · 14/11/2011 20:42

The evening is very different to the day. They are more likely to come across something frightening or upsetting on the telly. There is more likely to be antisocial behaviour or crime outside the house. They are more likely to be cold, and want to turn heating on or heat something up. They are less likely to be able to make out what is happening outside the windows, if something is going on, and yet will be more clearly visible to anyone outside.They are more likely to just feel plain lonley.
It's difficult. Eventually, children have to be left! Whenever you start it is bound to be hard.In the end, only the mother can judge.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 14/11/2011 20:49

Heh heh, gratifying to see I didn't have long to wait for the "of course life was much better when we sent children down t'pit" comment.

If you cannot let your 13 and 11 year olds stay safely home alone for one evening then you have gone a bit wrong as a parent, imvvho.