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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL Stealing our thunder - AIBU?

54 replies

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 15:36

So after many years of being together, DP popped the question yesterday.

I'm over the moon, and we had discussed it a few times over the last 12 months, but something has always come up or it's not felt quite right, or real life has got in the way, and we're both really happy about it.

We're both divorcees, and in one of our many chats we discussed the fact that it would mean a lot for me to use my grand mothers engagement ring when we ever got around to sorting out getting engaged. (this is relevant - sorry if I'm waffling)

So I phoned my family and told them, but also said we wouldn't be saying anything outside of the family until we have had the ring resized so I could wear it and we could do it properly, DP then phoned his mum and told her the news and the same message (I was in the room so I know he told her not to tell anyone) but 2 minutes after getting off the phone she has emailed all their side of the family and friends to tell them the good news(including his sister who we wanted to tell directly not have her hear it via the grapevine)

So I've had people emailing me and commenting on facebook, and colleagues now asking where's the ring, which is want we didn't want.

Now I know I'm probably being a bit unreasonable, but it would have been really nice if for just once she would have respected our wishes and not said anything as we asked her to.

I'm probably just grumpy because when DP told her, her comment was "well you could do worse". (I know she was joking but - argh! can she not just be nice for once...)

OP posts:

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 14/11/2011 15:41

I'd be furious to be honest. My MIL did the same. We told her we were expecting a baby and to keep it to herself, which she did, until the day of my 12 week scan, then everybody on DPs side of the family knew. I was but DP wasn't bothered.

MrsMcEnroe · 14/11/2011 15:43

Ooh no YANBU at all.

On the bright side though - congratulations!

MsVestibule · 14/11/2011 15:44

No, YANBU. I could understand it if she "accidentally" let it slip in conversation with somebody, but to email everybody is taking the piss. If you ask her why she did it, she'll probably say "oh, I was just excited for you!". To which you would have to respond "OK, we'll just have to make sure we don't tell you any news first next time". She sounds like a gossip, so that would REALLY upset her!!!

GleamingHeels · 14/11/2011 15:47

Oh, what a shame, it's such fun getting to tell people and all that initial excitement - so CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

onlinefriend · 14/11/2011 15:53

congratulations on your engagement!
Grr about the MIL
From now on i'd agree with your DP not to tell her anything in confidence unless you would be happy for it go out on news at ten.

Original poster

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 15:53

Thanks - will be having a this evening as it was completely unplanned. so we didn't have anything to drink in the house.

Would have loved to see MiL's face when he told her he did it because I bought him a belguim bun from the co-op

OP posts:

sprinkles77 · 14/11/2011 15:54

YANBU. My MIL did exactly the same thing to DHs brother. Over excitment + self involvement = major case of foot-in-mouth. It will happen again. BIL's tactic was to say to his mother "either you can be a guest at our wedding, or you can be mother of the groom, but stop doing this or you won't be coming at all". A bit harsh, but you do need to read the riot act early with people like this.

Oh, and congratulations!

naturalbaby · 14/11/2011 15:54

how exciting to be engaged, congratualtions.
i would remind her you said not to tell anyone and tell her it's a shame because you won't be telling her any exciting news first in the future.

Original poster

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 15:55

@MsVestibule - I love that idea - I am actually going to have to tell her that. Becausse she did do the same when I was pg with DD, even though we asked her not to as I'd lost two previously at 14 and 16 weeks.

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StaceymAloneForver · 14/11/2011 15:55

YANBU

Congratulations, no help on dippy MIL though sorry

GleamingHeels · 14/11/2011 15:55

Would have loved to see MiL's face when he told her he did it because I bought him a belguim bun from the co-op

HappyCamel · 14/11/2011 15:59

Agreed, for heaven's sake never tell her anything in advance again. ESPECIALLY, if you get pregnant.

Forgive her but learn from this.

everybodysang · 14/11/2011 16:16

My DP bought me a Belgian bun today. I am thinking about having a chat about marriage. I hadn't put the two things together, but clearly Belgian bun=love.
Congratulations - I would be really cross but it will still be lovely when you get the ring sorted and it's all beautiful and sparkly on your finger so you can show it off to people.

Original poster

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 16:27

@ everybodysang I think belgian bun (thank you for the spelling correction) will be the new mnet food of lurve

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everybodysang · 14/11/2011 16:29

I think belgian bun (thank you for the spelling correction) will be the new mnet food of lurve

Definitely. All over the country next Valentine's day, Belgian buns will be exchanged.

Original poster

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 16:34

DP and I both aren't overly keen on wedding cakes, (marzipan and fruit cake - eurgh) so we both have suggested we have a massive Belgain bun stack as our wedding cake now is that just silly?
(although it's better than our previous idea of having a pork pie wedding cake )

Surely second time round you get to do everything your own way?

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 14/11/2011 16:38

Congratulations

ZonkedOut · 14/11/2011 16:44

My DH doesn't like fruit cake at all, so we had a chocolate cake at our wedding, it looked and tasted great. If you're anywhere near north hertfordshire, I could recommend the place we got ours from.

GretaGarble · 14/11/2011 16:51

I don't know what to do about your MIL but say feck her. Congratulations on your engagement! And your engagement ring story is lovely.

A pork pie cake would be gorgeous if you had just come in from a massive walk and were starving for a wedge of lunch, but seriously who would want pork pie after dinner (or maybe you are planning for hte pork pie to be the main element of lunch) and yes yes yes do it your way second time round no matter what you did the first time. Belgian buns could be fun!

Congratulations!

confusedpixie · 14/11/2011 16:56

Congratulations!

My Mum did this to my older sister when she got engaged and she was furious. Sister is now not going to tell her about the baby they're planning until she's gone 3 months and I won't be telling her when I get engaged until I've got time to tell everybody else!

Did you honestly buy him a Belgian Bun before he proposed? That would be brilliant if so What a way to inspire a proposal! Definitely have a Belgian bun cake!

Original poster

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 16:56

Can't stop grinning - thank you all for cheering me up.

OP posts:

Jackstini · 14/11/2011 17:04

YADNBU - she is out of order and needs telling so!
When she asks questions about your wedding plans you will have to say "sorry, I can't tell you - I dont want it emailing to everyone"
Loving the idea of a belgian bun stack cake
And congratulations!!!

Original poster

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 17:07

@confusedpixie that really is it, he'd been out on a long bike ride (4-5 hours) and forgot his wallet so he couldn't stop to get himself lunch and he had no food on him.

I always buy him belgian buns when he goes for a ride, I know they're his favorite, but he said he didn't dare hope as he was so hungry by the time he got home.

So he got home, ate both, came upstairs where DD and I were playing with buttons sorting out my sewing box, said "I'm too tired and muddy to get on my knees but will you marry me".

I really thought he was taking the piss.

Apprently it made him realise that I always think about him and look after him.

OP posts:

talkingnonsense · 14/11/2011 17:11

Oh that's so gorgeous, I love him and wish you were my wife!

Original poster

NewbeeMummy · 14/11/2011 17:13

Thanks talkingnonsense - i know it's a bit soft and sappy for mumsnet, but does make me grin every time I think about it.

I think we have to have a belgian bun cake now

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