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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect FIL not to take the dog out for a 2hour walk while we visit?

66 replies

dimplebum · 14/11/2011 11:18

We try to make sure that we visit PIL s every week, at least once a week. Id like DSs to see them more often TBH especially as they see my parents 2-3 times a week, sometimes more, but with work etc its not always easy.

However, we always visit them on a friday afternoon, as it is the most convenient time for both of us. Well last friday when we went, we were only there for 10 minutes and FIL announced that the dog needed walking, he put on his coat and off he went.

DS1 was upset by this as he loves to go play with his grandad. I thought he might ask DS1 to go with him (DS2 is only 11mo) but he didnt.

An hour an half later, he still hadnt returned and DS2 was getting tired so we had to leave. We asked MIL if everything was ok and she said everything was fine but FIL does like to make sure the dog has had a good walk before it gets too dark. Nothing was said before hand to upset him for him to just up and leave. The only thing I can think of is the dog was getting very restless (its still a very young dog) and boistrous and yes, it probably did want a walk, but couldnt it have waited until we left?

They only see their GC once a week for a couple of hours, I was so upset that he put the dog first. We went home with a very upset DS who didnt get to play marbles with his grandad

AIBU?

OP posts:

Psammead · 14/11/2011 11:20

I would go with!

gordyslovesheep · 14/11/2011 11:20

I think you are being a little U - it gets dark early and he wanted to walk the dog - maybe he had a headache or wanted to 'me' time - I would get upset about it.

gordyslovesheep · 14/11/2011 11:21

wouldn't! not would!

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 11:23

FIL could have felt unwell, he could have had a blazing row with MIL before you arrived (which she didnt want to discuss as it was private)...

Maybe he hadnt intended to be out that long and for some reason got delayed.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 14/11/2011 11:25

YAB a bit U, since you see them every week. Couldn't you have suggested that FIL take DS1? If he's in the habit of walking the dog by himself it may just not have occurred to him to take DS1 along.
He didn't need to walk it for that long while you were visiting, though.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/11/2011 11:25

I see my dgs about three times a week, for overnight stays (his parents have split, so he's here with his dad). Most of the time I enjoy his company and like entertaining and playing with him. But one day recently I simply wasn't in the mood, couldn't bear the way his voice went through my head.

So I left the room. I may have done so rather abruptly, and I may have left an impression that I wasn't happy to see him.

We have all got over it.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/11/2011 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbuttons · 14/11/2011 11:27

Perhaps he wasn't in the mood to have young children round him and wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of it all.

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 11:27

My dad's dog needs a 2 hour walk in the morning or she won't settle for the rest of the day YABU. 10 am each morning dad and his dog go for a walk no matter what. Go with him next time.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 14/11/2011 12:32

I'd have suggested we all go too. That's what we do in DP's family when its not pissing down with rain. Sometimes there's 6 adults and 2 little ones walking one dog but who cares when you walk the dog past a pub and stop for a drink?

Forrestgump · 14/11/2011 12:37

Definatly coats on, and all go next time.

ShatnersBassoon · 14/11/2011 12:39

I sometimes wish we had a dog when the in-laws visit.

I bet he just wanted to have a bit of solitude and fresh air, for whatever reason. You'll see him next time you visit.

neolara · 14/11/2011 12:46

If your FIL saw you and your dcs once every six month then it would be odd to leave you to go for a walk. But he sees you once a week. You're all family. It's not like he's entertaining "guests" and then buggering off. I think seeing their GC once a week for a couple of hours is a pretty big commitment from your PIL.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 14/11/2011 12:51

YABU it's a weekly visit. The dog was restless and the nights are getting colder and darker - i wouldn't want an elderly person in a dark park or wood chasing a dog. He may also have been worried about the dogs behaviour around the child, or just had a bad headache.

This Friday why not offer to all go out with the dog? Take a ball and get ds to give chase.

mumblechum1 · 14/11/2011 12:55

I think you see a hell of a lot of both your parents and your ILs, far more than I would expect (3 or 4 visits per year, never mind per week, and that it's fine for your FIL to have gone off by himself, as it'll only be a few days till he sees you again.

In fact, do you think they're hinting that they see a bit too much of you?

Ephiny · 14/11/2011 13:04

I've been known to use the 'need to walk dog' excuse when visiting ILs if their grandchildren are there, because I need a break from the child noise. I suspect it's stressful for the dog (they have sensitive hearing after all) and it certainly is for me!

And yes dogs need walking, and it can be difficult to do after dark as parks etc tend to be shut early this time of year. If you visit them every week I don't see the problem, you might have a point if it was a once-a-year visit or something!

Sidge · 14/11/2011 13:07

YABU really, it's not all about you.

Maybe he wanted a bit of peace and quiet?

Maybe he didn't want to be out late in the cold and dark?

Maybe he's dropping hints that he doesn't want to spend every Friday afternoon with you?

Don't get me wrong I think it's lovely that you see them so often and that your children have a lot of time with their grandparents, but it's not the end of the world if your son doesn't get to play marbles with his grandad for one visit. There's always next week.

Or maybe re-jig one of the many visits to your parents and see the in-laws another time instead?

GobblersKnob · 14/11/2011 13:09

My dog often suddenly need a long walk when we have visitors

Rhubarbgarden · 14/11/2011 13:12

I wish my FIL would bugger off for two hours when we visit.

EricNorthmansMistress · 14/11/2011 13:13

YABU. You see them lots, it's not a big deal. I presume the dog needed walking before it got too late.

BlueFergie · 14/11/2011 13:14

Maybe your FIL didn't fancy playing marbles this particular Friday afternoon. He is under no obligation to do it every week and maybe you should explain to DS that other people sometimes prefer to do other things. My Dad doesn't play with my kids all the time and they have learnt that sometimes Grandad wants some peace to read the paper or whatever.

Forrestgump · 14/11/2011 13:14

I might get my mil a dog!

OrmIrian · 14/11/2011 13:16

Does he do this every week? if so I think maybe he doesn't like you very much Otherwise I'd let it go. Maybe he normally does it before you get there but didn't have the chance this time.

Dog may not be as important as grandchildren but if you take one on, they do need to cared for properly - as a walk is important for their health and wellbeing.

How would you feel if your ILs visited you every week and on one occasion you had to go out to do something - and they took the hump?

5Foot5 · 14/11/2011 13:18

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill really. As others have said, once a week is quite a regular visit. It's a heck of a lot more than many people get to visit GPs. If you saw them only every few months and the visits were pre-arranged then maybe you would feel that he would try to be there. But if it is every week then it is not like it is a "special event" that he feels he has to stay in for.

bigbuttons · 14/11/2011 13:18

Trouble is, parents can make the mistake of thinking that their children are the centre of everyone's world and not just theirs

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