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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect FIL not to take the dog out for a 2hour walk while we visit?

66 replies

dimplebum · 14/11/2011 11:18

We try to make sure that we visit PIL s every week, at least once a week. Id like DSs to see them more often TBH especially as they see my parents 2-3 times a week, sometimes more, but with work etc its not always easy.

However, we always visit them on a friday afternoon, as it is the most convenient time for both of us. Well last friday when we went, we were only there for 10 minutes and FIL announced that the dog needed walking, he put on his coat and off he went.

DS1 was upset by this as he loves to go play with his grandad. I thought he might ask DS1 to go with him (DS2 is only 11mo) but he didnt.

An hour an half later, he still hadnt returned and DS2 was getting tired so we had to leave. We asked MIL if everything was ok and she said everything was fine but FIL does like to make sure the dog has had a good walk before it gets too dark. Nothing was said before hand to upset him for him to just up and leave. The only thing I can think of is the dog was getting very restless (its still a very young dog) and boistrous and yes, it probably did want a walk, but couldnt it have waited until we left?

They only see their GC once a week for a couple of hours, I was so upset that he put the dog first. We went home with a very upset DS who didnt get to play marbles with his grandad Sad

AIBU?

OP posts:
MackerelOfFact · 15/11/2011 11:43

YABU. You visit them every week, you can't reasonably expect them to drop everything and be exclusively available to you for 2 hours every single Friday. If the dog needs a walk, the dog needs a walk. You went home because your DS was tired - they could equally argue that you 'should' have stayed longer, but you didn't, because small being you are responsible for had other needs. Ditto FIL and the dog.

MackerelOfFact · 15/11/2011 11:43

*a small being.

HazleNutt · 15/11/2011 12:10

YABU. Young dogs can get very jumpy, whiney and annoying if they don't get their walks, would have been quite impossible to play with DS1 in those circumstances anyway.

LizzieMo · 15/11/2011 14:20

Personally I don't think you are being U. You have all made a mutual arrangement, agreed a time for your visit. You say you phone before you arrive. If the dog needed walking, why did your FIL mention it at that point, then you could have postponed the visit or rearranged at another mutually convenient time. If you have made an arrangement to have visitors, then it is rude to suddenly get up and leave. If your FIL has problems with small children around then he needs to be honset and discuss it. Likewise if they think that you are round there more often than they would like.

I think it is a case that you will be damned (unfairly IMO) whatever you do. If you take the advice of some of the posters on this thread and reduce your visits as you are assuming that FIL thinks you visit too often, there would probably be an outcry- 'That's not right, denying your IL's access to the children' and so on. If you could not see your IL's at a certain time because you had a dog that needed walking it would be 'Well you have all the other hours in the day to walk the dog. Can't you rearrange so that your IL's can see the children!!' IL's have to be accomodated on MN no matter what.

I think all you can do is continue to check with them beforehand. If the dog needs walking, then try and rearrange. If it is a regular thing then maybe ask them outright how often they would like you to visit.

ditzymitzy2 · 15/11/2011 14:49

We try to make sure that we visit PIL s every week, at least once a week.

maybe he is fed up with you keep turning up :)

ditzymitzy2 · 15/11/2011 14:51

how many posts have we seen on here, Would I Be Unreasonable To Do XY&Z when MIL/FIL/PIL turn up for hours on end every week? The consensus is always ooh you poor dear, how annoying for you and how unreasonable of them

well, he has obviously read MN ;)

mumblechum1 · 15/11/2011 14:57

Some people (myself included) are just not that bothered about seeing their family more than maybe 3 or 4 times a year.

I would go dolally if I had to see my family every single week.

Ariesgirl · 15/11/2011 15:01

YABU. You see them once a week. When I was young, we saw ours twice a year, and my grandad was such a miserable old bastard, he wouldn't let us play near him.

Mountain out of a molehill like others have said.

nordiccamper · 15/11/2011 15:34

YABU, he sees them every week and maybe just wasn't in the mood and thought of a polite way of removing himself while Granny was still able to enjoy her grandkids.

exoticfruits · 15/11/2011 15:53

If you are close family you shouldn't have to have people walking on eggshells in case they upset you or thinking that the 3 yr old is visiting, the 3 yr old must be the centre of attention. If you are there once a week I would have thought that you could just fit in-offer to go for a walk with him. Let FIL take DS and the dog out and you chat to MIL. At the very least allow for the fact he might have a headache and want a break.

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 15/11/2011 16:14

I always thought that the nice thing about visiting family or them visiting you was that you didn't have to be on your best visitors behaviour and that family didn't mind if you were in the middle of the washing up, sitting about in your dressing gown or one of you had something else on and so had to go out.

He probably figured that as you are family, he sees you every week, and MIL was about, you wouldn't mind or think twice about him not being about as he had to walk the dog. In those circumstances I really wouldn't see it as a problem.

exoticfruits · 15/11/2011 16:17

Same here HidingintheUndergrowth. As a DC I much prefered visiting my mother's family because they just got on and you mucked in, whereas with my father's family you were 'the guest'.

misdee · 15/11/2011 16:23

HazleNutt Tue 15-Nov-11 12:10:37
YABU. Young dogs can get very jumpy, whiney and annoying if they don't get their walks,

i find the same of small children as well Wink

Laquitar · 15/11/2011 17:50

You make it sound like a compulsory chore.
Or like everybody must obbey the contract re your visits.

Your reaction is far too dramatic Hmm

Oh and you create problem when there is no problem -yet-wondering what happens if gd does the same next week. Lets wait and see first.

I 'm honestly very impressed that you work full-time, have a 3yo and an 11mth old and still have the energy to get drama out of nothing, how some people do this?

JamieComeHome · 15/11/2011 17:59

Some men of that generation find small children a bit wearing. Also/or maybe it doesn't occur to him to ask you along. This was what my dad was like when mine were young.

JamieComeHome · 15/11/2011 18:01

Ails agree with hiding in the undergrowth. Once a week is pretty frequent, and as such, he's following his normal routine

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