To not want dh to play football every week?

[PrincessScrumpy]

I probably am being u.

Dh used to play on Thursday nights and Sunday 5-6pm. When the twins were born 10 weeks ago he said he wouldn't be playing for a long time. Things were going well and dh asked if he could play one Sunday, then told me he was playing on the Thursday too (he'd be gone 7.45pm until gone 10pm). He gave me about 45 minutes notice o this one and I put my foot down and made it clear I didn't want him to go - he didn't go but made me feel guilty. He then said he would go to the Sunday football occasionally. Yesterday he said "right, I'll go and get ready for football" even though he knew I was cooking a family roast and we don't eat together in the week due to his working hours. If it was any other time of the day I would be fine but between 5 and 6pm I am busy getting dinner for dd1 (age 3) - and if she eats after 6pm she's too tired and gets difficult, doesn't eat much etc, and the twins seem to choose 4.30pm onwards to join forces for a good old cry.

I feel that I deal with this difficult time 5 days a week and the weekend is a chance for dh to help - I wouldn't leave him alone for it.

dh seemed miffed I didn't want him to go and said "it's what I do on Sundays" - hmmm it's gone from not playing to occasionally playing to "it's what I do on Sundays"

He even said that I leave him for an hour with the kids one evening a week - he soon back tracked when I pointed out that that is so I can do our family shop!

add to this the fact that my aunt is terminally ill and not expected to survive the next few days so I'm a little fragile - I think he could be a bit more thoughtful. Even if he checks that I'm feeling happy for him to play - on a good day I may well be. Yesterday hadn't been a good day and I'd had all 3 girls all morning, given him a lay in, taken girls to church, got lunch... he did do some housework while we were at church so he's not as bad as many on here.

Anyway, should I let him play every week? Am I being a mean wife?

YANBU - he should give the football a miss for this season while your babies are so little. It should be all hands on deck except when he's working I think. Once they are older you'll be able to discuss a timetable which allows him to fit in football but at the moment you are shouldering too much of the burden.

YANBU

However, it seems that for some men, at the very time they should be helping because there is so much work, is when they go out more (because there is so much work at home). My dh did this after dc2 was born - two nights footie training and all saturday afternoon playing. And then he wanted sleep ins and rests because off all the exercise he was getting. I couldn't take 'me time' because I was breast feeding. If I complained he whinged about how miserable his life was and that he thought he was depressed (I think he was depressed, tbh, but I was very resentful). It is very hard to entertain a toddler and newborn on a saturday afternoon.

Anyway, the next season, he suggested playing again. I said fine, but that was his break time - he couldn't expect naps etc as well. And, I said, I was going out two nights a week and Sunday afternoons. He decided not to play.

Now the dcs are 3 and 5, and (because of various circs) I actually get more sport and socializing time than dh. The dcs are more fun to spend time with though, now. Anyway, I still remember the hideousness of that first football season, as this rant shows...

YANBU - there will be many seasons of soccer ahead for him. This year you need him.

Also you poor, poor thing, I would give you a hug if I could.

Yadnbu. For all reasons mentioned. People who say yabu astound me, frankly. You poor woman! Congratulations on the dts btw

Another one here who can't believe all the people who think you're being unreasonable! A marriage should be about loving and supporting each other, caring and sharing the good times and difficult times. Not drawing up an agreement of equal time off!

I'm pregnant and have been having awful MS and have a two year old, and my dh is not playing football at the moment because I struggle to get through the day, and need his support at weekends and evenings. I can't imagine what it must be like with 10 week old twins on your own all week! Poor you!

I think YANBU especially if he goes at short notice and every week. However, what's with the roasting obsession. Aren't you the OP who moaned about the PILS using Aunt Bessie's spuds last year? (Sorry, not stalking, just remember the Princessy name). Maybe ease back on the roasts a bit, or get the Dh to roast at lunchtime, or cut some corners (can't say I'd go as far as advocating Aunt Bessie's spuds but the pre made yorkshires are acceptable imo).

He absolutely should NOT be playing football when you have 10 week old twins!!

Blimey - it's all handa on deck right now!!!

you are SO not BU

not at all

haha yes I did moan about mil's aunt bessies - haven't done a roast for ages but find them fairly easy as you can shove it in the oven and leave it. It wasn't about a roast it was a family meal round the table. I like cooking so am happy to do it - dh washes up!

He is helpful and supportive mostly but I think the football thing and the fact he'd said he'd give it a miss this winter is disappointing. I don't want me time at the moment - just family time. Yes it may be about what I want but when dh looks after twins I spend that time with dd1. I think that's normal but I might be way off.

I'm going to a friend's this Sunday pm so dh can play but I might make it the last time before Christmas. Closest family is an hour and a half away but most live 4 hours away so can't call on them.

He absolutely should NOT be playing football when you have 10 week old twins!!

Why not? It doesn't take all day. Choose an activity that you like and leave him to manage. Everyone needs a break.

Exoticfruits - have you ever had twins?

Breaks are nice - but having a bath and reading Hello! is usually as good as it gets as far as breaks go with two babies!!

so far I've tried 2 baths (don't worry I do shower). 1st time dd1 came and chatted the whole time (nice but not restful), 2nd time, I'd read 2 pages of my book when dh bought me dtd2 as she was screaming and rooting. He apologised but not his fault she was hungry.

That was the thread of last Christmas imo. Total spud bunfight about how difficult it is to peel a potato.

Jeez I think some people have forgotten what it's like to have a 10 week old baby, let alone two. If you're breastfeeding you can't just take an afternoon or evening off. In six months time or so , yes! Hobbies and freedoms returns. But really, leave the poor woman alone. She's dealing with 3 kids 5 days a week. She deserves her husband around at weekends. And so do her kids

Some of you make marriage and parenthood sound like a jobsharer. Shouldn't parents want to spend time together with their children? Surely that's the good bit. Yes having individual hobbies is good too, but surely not at the expense of your relationship with your family. And when things are tough and exhausting, it's only sharing the loveliness, wonder and humour inherent in it all that gets you thru. If you're both just doing it on your own so the other can go shopping or play football, what's the point?