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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dh to play football every week?

92 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 14/11/2011 09:54

I probably am being u.

Dh used to play on Thursday nights and Sunday 5-6pm. When the twins were born 10 weeks ago he said he wouldn't be playing for a long time. Things were going well and dh asked if he could play one Sunday, then told me he was playing on the Thursday too (he'd be gone 7.45pm until gone 10pm). He gave me about 45 minutes notice o this one and I put my foot down and made it clear I didn't want him to go - he didn't go but made me feel guilty. He then said he would go to the Sunday football occasionally. Yesterday he said "right, I'll go and get ready for football" even though he knew I was cooking a family roast and we don't eat together in the week due to his working hours. If it was any other time of the day I would be fine but between 5 and 6pm I am busy getting dinner for dd1 (age 3) - and if she eats after 6pm she's too tired and gets difficult, doesn't eat much etc, and the twins seem to choose 4.30pm onwards to join forces for a good old cry.

I feel that I deal with this difficult time 5 days a week and the weekend is a chance for dh to help - I wouldn't leave him alone for it.

dh seemed miffed I didn't want him to go and said "it's what I do on Sundays" - hmmm it's gone from not playing to occasionally playing to "it's what I do on Sundays"

He even said that I leave him for an hour with the kids one evening a week - he soon back tracked when I pointed out that that is so I can do our family shop!

add to this the fact that my aunt is terminally ill and not expected to survive the next few days so I'm a little fragile - I think he could be a bit more thoughtful. Even if he checks that I'm feeling happy for him to play - on a good day I may well be. Yesterday hadn't been a good day and I'd had all 3 girls all morning, given him a lay in, taken girls to church, got lunch... he did do some housework while we were at church so he's not as bad as many on here.

Anyway, should I let him play every week? Am I being a mean wife?

OP posts:
Catsu · 14/11/2011 18:50

He was def unreasonable the way he did it.
He sprung it on you while you were cooking a family dinner that he would be going out AFTER he had had a lie in and a whole morning to himself!! Cheeky IMO
If he wants to go to football on a Sunday, especially if he wants it to be a regular thing then he needs to make sure the rest of the day is spent as a family and that he gives YOU the lie in to ensure you get s bit of rest time too. If you do the Sunday roast at lunch time then he can help prepare it or keep the kids entertained while you are cooking!
I have a 3 year old and ONE 10 week old and you are def not being unreasonable. I take my hat off to you!!

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 18:52

How would he feel if you went to the gym twice a week? Would he be ok about it? Manage with the kids?

Knackeredmother · 14/11/2011 18:58

YADNBU and a lot of posters saying you are probably have had some family help in the same situation.
I was in this situation ( although not twins) and I used to cry on a Saturday afternoon when my dh CHOSE to leave us when I was desperate for a break.
Acceptableintheeighties: I could have written your post word for word.
In the beginning when it one hard slog he needs to be there. Like you say, it just isn't that easy for you to have a break especially when breastfeeding.
I'm still pissed off I let my dh do it to me 4 years later ( he does play football very regularly now with my blessing btw!)

MrsMcEnroe · 14/11/2011 19:01

Given that you have a 3yo AND 10-week-old breastfed twins, YADNBU.

zimm · 14/11/2011 19:03

You are one hundred percent not being unreasonable. There is some kind of mumsnet mafia that always chants that each partner should have time for themselves, which is normally true. But you are breastfeeding twins!! how on earth do people expect you to get time to yourself? He should quit football for six months and focus on his family. it's six months, not forever . also I would like to knowhow you cooked a roast with two babies and a toddler present, are you super woman? Wink

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 19:05

I don't want to heat up last nights meal for dd at weekends as it's what I do all week. I really want to have a family meal at least one night a week. I don't often do a roast on a Sunday so it was a treat and dh's favourite

YABU for this as it seems to be all about you and what you want.

Let him have his exercise and cook something more simple

It's not going to be forever.

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 19:18

I'm stunned anything gets cooked at all with babies and a 3 yr old in the house!

mercibucket · 14/11/2011 19:18

Great I get to post yanbu, of course you're not! While the twins are babies it should be all hands on deck and not arsing around with hobbies that happen at the worst time of day. Suggest he goes running after kids are in bed for a few months to keep up fitness. He is quite obviously backtracking as it is seriously hard work in a house with three under 4's, two of whom need everything doing for them! It's not forever - maybe start the thurs footie ina few months and watch the matches with the 3 year old in the spring

Dozer · 14/11/2011 19:39

Yanbu!

Ignore the yabus!

Dozer · 14/11/2011 19:41

Rubbish worraliberty, the OP just wants her OH to help with the hardest part of the day on a weekend.

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 19:43

But she's making it the hardest part of the day if she insists on cooking a roast dinner.

She could quite easily heat something up or eat a little later if he cooks when he comes home. The 3yr old doesn't have to eat later with them.

Dozer · 14/11/2011 19:50

It's not about the roast. (agree, a tad ambitious, but judgment about minimising work often first thing to go when overworked, as the OP seems to be!)

AcrosstheUniverse · 14/11/2011 19:51

Of course YANBU!! Honestly, seem people bloody amaze me on here sometimes!

I have 6 month old twins and looking after 2 babies is flippin hard and tiring, especially as you have another little one! My husband would never leave me in the evening to do something like this- we are a team and his time after work is time with our twins. You are completely within your rights to feel like this- he needs to put you and your children first.

Siegfried · 14/11/2011 19:54

Worraliberty, are you freakin nuts? Yeah, what a selfish princess mumzilla the OP is. Fancy expecting a bit of help with 10 wo twins and a toddler at the weekend from her kids' father, having done full kid duty all week. Jeez, the entitlement!

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/11/2011 19:57

YABU, if you manage in the week with the children why is it so different on a weekend. Its a couple of hours a week, its hardly the end of the world.

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 20:04

I don't think there's any need to insult the OP Siegfried

The point you seem to be missing is, he doesn't want a big roast dinner, he just wants to get out and play football for an hour.

She wants the big dinner...therefore she's the one making it hard on herself during the hour or so he's out of the house.

Anomaly · 14/11/2011 20:05

HappyMummyOfOne great user name for such a thread. It may be that the OP manages through the week because come the weekend she hopes her DH would be around to support her.

mercibucket · 14/11/2011 20:07

Lololol at last poster's name
Happymummyofone
I'm sure op can manage and some people have to etc, but she has a dh who is opting out when he could be helping with their twin babies and 3 year old. Sheesh

mercibucket · 14/11/2011 20:07

Lololol at last poster's name
Happymummyofone
I'm sure op can manage and some people have to etc, but she has a dh who is opting out when he could be helping with their twin babies and 3 year old. Sheesh

Dozer · 14/11/2011 20:07

Hear hear acrosstheuniverse and anomaly.

pink4ever · 14/11/2011 20:10

YADNBU!!-ignore those on here who say you are-a lot of them seem to want mums to feel even guiltier than they already do.

Your twins are 10 weeks old ffs!! and you have another young child-of course you are entilted to expect your dh to be around at the weekend to relieve some of the pressure-and he should bloody well want to!

Tell dh footie is out of the question for the next 3 months. Hopefully by then twins will be in a routine and you wont be under so much pressure.

Please dont feel you are being a horrible wife by insisting on this-you really arent. Despite what some of the coven on here may say.

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 20:13

To be fair the OP hasn't asked "Can everyone blow smoke up my arse and only post if they agree with me please?"

She's canvassing opinions on whether she's being unreasonable or not in an adult way.

There's really no need for 'coven' comments due to differing opinions on a discussion forum is there?

pink4ever · 14/11/2011 20:16

worra-and there was really no need for certain posters to try and make out the mother of 10 week old twins is some sort of unreasonable harridan-was there? If you dont like what I posted report it.

As to the poster who made the comment about footie being a mans "life blood"-words fail me.

BroomForMyChin · 14/11/2011 20:17

YADNBU I can't believe people are saying you are being unreasonable. My DD is now 4 months and we've only just agreed that he can play football once a week as its hard doing everything on your own all the time. We do this on the agreement that I get an uninterrupted bath not that this has happened yet once a week. When the babies are so little you need the help. And he should be wanting to spend time with you and the DC's. I know my DP would probably play football every day of possible an it really does irritate me that he doesn't want to spend more time with DD.

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 20:19

Unlike some posters I can appreciate different POV so I have no need to report anything.

I don't remember the OP being called a harridan but if she was, then yes that's out of order.

Still, different POV are what discussion forums are all about...as unbelievable as some of them are at times.