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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you don't say to a 5 year old

87 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 13/11/2011 19:39

if you eat too many biscuits you will get fat and if you get fat you will get teased and you don't like being teased....

i know it is important to teach them to eat healthily but i am not convinced this is the right way to go about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 13/11/2011 21:19

YANBU OP - Shit way of dealing with things and could be start of food/fat issues. DC do not need or deserve an explanation about every little thing. If you want to instill healthy food choices (or any good behaviour for that matter) you model by example. Shame of it is, most adults can't be arsed to behave appropriately so lecture at their DC rather than letting them see how to behave.

Reminds me of that programme about pushy parents where the mum didn;t allow her daughter any 'bad' foods and made her exercise religiously to stay the 'perfect' weight. The mum binged/dieted/took tablets or some shit and was generally a disaster area. WTF are some women on!?! God forbid a female be 'Faaaaaaaaaaaattttttt!!' - it is the worst crime

JamieComeHome · 13/11/2011 21:23

My DSs have picked up (from God know where) some pretty worrying ideas about how being fat is nearly the worst thing to be. I have explained to them in great detail how being unkind and prejudiced is waaay worse.

worraliberty · 13/11/2011 21:24

No, being fat isn't a crime

But then again, since when has being unhealthy in any way been a crime?

Crime doesn't even come into this, does it?

worraliberty · 13/11/2011 21:26

The problem mostly is, that young children should be able to eat tons of things if only they were allowed to play out and burn it off.

It's not just 'the wrong foods' that are making kids fat...it's lack of outdoor play in a lot of cases.

JamieComeHome · 13/11/2011 21:27

so I agree with whoever said lead by example and don't buy biscuits

DoMeDon · 13/11/2011 21:29

Wow amazing use of literal translation there Worra- I am aware it is not an actual crime (just to up the ante ). Some people tend to create all sorts of melodrama as if it is though.

RomanKindle · 13/11/2011 21:29

But being unhealthy is the thing that you want to avoid isn't it? Whether that be because you are severely over or underweight. The person in the op is making it sound like the aesthetics of being fat is the main issue. If your child was seriously overweight I think most people would be more concerned about their health than how it looked.

worraliberty · 13/11/2011 21:32

The 'melodrama' on these sort of threads tends to come from people who admit to being fat or having made their children fat...or are in denial about one or either of those things IME.

There are nearly always cries of "It's not a crime" "There are worse things to be" "The fat haters have a platform" etc...etc...

When really all that does is take the thread off topic and cause arguments.

AgentZigzag · 13/11/2011 21:32

'so I agree with whoever said lead by example and don't buy biscuits'

Ooo you're a cruel and harsh parent Jamie

Denying your DC the development of their own unique way of eating a custard cream?

JamieComeHome · 13/11/2011 21:32

exoticfruits · 13/11/2011 21:37

Sure to cause eating problems in the future.

fannybanjo · 13/11/2011 21:37

Fat is unhealthy. FACT. Anyone who dismisses it as there's nothing wrong with being fat is seriously deluded. I don't give a shit if X is fat but I'm loathe if I allow my child to eat as she wishes because I can't be arsed to say no. If she wants to stuff her face when she leaves home then i can't change that but while I am a responsible parent, they will have a sensible diet and learn self control.

JamieComeHome · 13/11/2011 21:38

Agent - Actually, I don't really like biscuits. Which makes me doubly a cow

worral - no-one (honestly) is overweight in my house. I just think that it's not necessary to give a 5 year old the impression that if one were to become fat then that would be a justification for being bullied. I admit that one or two of us in my house have been bullied, so I think that's where my "sensitivity" comes from. And also, I do think that some parents get sucked into to unnecessary explaining.

JamieComeHome · 13/11/2011 21:39

fanny - no-ones saying let them eat as many biscuits as they want. Just think about how you bring that about.

AgentZigzag · 13/11/2011 21:41

Saying no to another biscuit is just basic portion control, like I get DD1 to pour out a few crisps into a bowl when she has some out of those big bags you get, or you can't tell how many you've eaten else.

worraliberty · 13/11/2011 21:41

I agree Jamie it does sound kind of like justifying bullying, even if she didn't mean it that way.

JamieComeHome · 13/11/2011 21:43

I wouldn't let mine eat too much of any snack (even fruit, if in some parallel Universe that was likely to happen). I always tell them they'll ruin their appetites.

fannybanjo · 13/11/2011 21:44

Jamie I didn't say anyone was. My point is that some parents do allow a child free reign and would never discuss weight as its not "politically correct" to say you'll get fat. Kids get older and will help themselves to food etc, they have to understand that food can also be unhealthy. Yes, you have to have sensitivity. In my eyes no different to saying you could get cancer if you smoke, kids need to know what damage can be done by overeating. The OP's friend was wrong to say it in such a manner but children need to be educated what too much food will do to them.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 13/11/2011 21:47

At one point when DS was around 3.5 he started refusing to eat anything much because "he didn't want to get fat" (he is a skinny child and doesn't eat a huge amount anyway) and it took us weeks to get him over it. I assume that he'd overheard a comment like that, or a child to whom it had been made had cautioned him about eating. So I think YANBU.

DoMeDon · 13/11/2011 21:47

This is a thread dedicated to telling a 5 year old she will get fat and be bullied!! There is so much wrong with the priorities there. Focus on being 'Faaaaaaaaaaattt' not on health or good choices or portion control. Makes bullying sound acceptable, when it shouldn't be brought into the equation. Dumbing it down to 5 year old level is not a good enough reason to fill a child's head with this type of shite.

FWIW DC in this family are healthy weight and eat a balanced diet.

fannybanjo · 13/11/2011 22:00

Don I agree priorities are wrong as you can get bullied for being skinny. I was. I was also bullied for having white blond hair. However, my mum had no control over those physical attributes whereas if I'd have gained weight and was bullied, would she have been at fault for not monitoring my diet?

Proudnscary · 13/11/2011 22:09

Bloody hell, is there really a discussion here? Of course you don't say that to a 5 year old! Or to any aged child. You talk about healthy choices etc, you never mention weight or fat. You feed them healthy food and try to ensure they expend as many or less calories as they consume.

lucysnowe · 13/11/2011 22:17

Ditto Proudnscary. If your DD eats too many biccies, you take away the biccies. You really don't want them to associate anything so vital as, you know, eating, with teasing and horrible stuff. Nor do you want them to think that being fat = being teased. Next time they see a fat person, are they going to think 'what a sad person'? Biscuits are great, food is great, everything is great in moderation. It's when you start delineating 'good' food and 'bad' food (you can get fat eating peas too you know) and start applying emotional situations to what your children eat that you're in trouble. YADNBU.

squeakytoy · 13/11/2011 22:20

As adults, we KNOW that there is no justification in mocking anyone for being fat. Children are not adults. Children can be cruel, no matter how much their parents have taught them that it is no nice to taunt others.

I would not want my child to be fat, because a fat child will be bullied by others.

MissVerinder · 13/11/2011 22:26

Well, I haven't read all the replies, but it's not really on.

Demonstrated mostly by the fact that my DD came home from school the other day, and said that someone had called her fat (she really isn't).

She was quite upset about it, and said she'd had too much dinner. She's 3.

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