AIBU to not let DH take DD to see his parents in another country without me

[butwhatif]

My DD is 7 months old and has always refused a bottle. While I am at work she eats her solid food and drinks water from a freeflow cup. When I get home she feeds from me and will often wake in the night for a feed. She still feeds to sleep every night and in the early morning she will always wake between 4 and 5am for another feed and fall back asleep feeding.

My DH's parents were supposed to be visiting at the end of the month but due to my FIL health they are unable to make the trip. My DH is feeling a little bad about this especially due to us planning on spending Christmas with my parents. His parents have requested that either my DH and my DD go over there for a couple of days or that I and DD go. I do not want to go without DH as I do not speak their language and they don't speak English so it would be a very isolating trip for me. I also do a lot of stuff for work at weekend and it would mean I would fall behind even more than I am already. Both of us going is not an option as we do not have the money, one going would max the OD out and mean that there is no money for Christmas.

AIBU to not want to go?
AIBU to not want to let DH take DD without me? She has never been apart from me for more than 7 hours at a time and never gone down for the night without me. If I'm honest I hate expressing and know if he does this I will have to at least to relieve the pain.
AIBU to think the inlaws have no right to ask us to do this at this time of year? We have planned to visit them next March anyway.

FWIW FIL has been unwell for a long time. He had a heart attack years ago and stopped working. He was told to give up doing certain things and hasn't done. He had another heart attack a few months ago and this is the health concern that is stopping them coming.

TIA

Why would your DH contemplate taking her knowing all what you have just told us??

I think you are putting obstacles in the way

YANBU.

Can the MiL come alone to you?

And you'll just see FiL next March.

And not 'let' him?? What's that all about then?

How long do they want the visit to last?

I wouldn't be happy to send a bf baby away for the weekend without me. If she was older I wouldn't see a problem.

I don't understand ' ...the inlaws have no right to ask us....' Why not?

yanbu , even just on the basis that you can't afford it let alone issues with being apart. If fil has been ill before will they get their air ticket money back? If so, would they pay for you to both go ?

I'm guessing the underlying worry is that your FiL may not be around next March .

I can understand them desperately wanting to see their grandchild but if finances are that tight yanbu. If they offer to pay for the 3 of you have a rethink.

I wouldn't let my children go away without me when they were 7 months old so I don't think you'd be unreasonable refusing. I would suggest MIL comes on her own, and then dh and you can take your dd when she's older/you can afford it.

Will they pay for one of the tickets so you can all go?

As she is breastfed you not going really isn't an option that would work. They certainly weren't being unreasonable though and given that fil is to ill to travel then I do think if you can find a way you should try to go over

Yanbu I don't think.

Yes ask them to contribute to travel or cut back on Xmas this yearr maybe?

I think you need to ask them to chip in towards the air fare. If they don't wish to do this, they will have to wait.

Why are the options 1) DH and the baby 2) you and the baby?
Why can't you all go?

Sorry, just read the whole thread

Have I read right Op that even if only one of you goes its going to max your OD and effectively cancel christmas?

If so then if it was me then neither of us would be going and it would have to wait until FIL is better or we had more money

YAdefoNBU by the way

Ask them to pay for the three of you and tell them you will pay them back when you can afford it (i.e.when you were going to pay for the trip next March).

YANBU

FIL will have to wait until March. MIL can come if she'll come without FIL.

You are being unreasonable. It's not up to you to "let him." Where did you get the idea that that you owned the child? If you don't want to go that's up to you although you're not being very supportive of him when his parents and the child's g/p's are ill.
If the boot was on the other foot and he had posted that he wasn't sure if he should "let you" he'd have been ripped to shreds.

But the DH obviously thinks this is workable? Why dies HE think it will be ok? He obviously lives with his dd and see's the routine, but believes it will be fine..

YANBU to not want BF DD to go without you.
YABU not to try to come up with a workable solution...tbh you seem to be adding obstacles rather than trying to find a way round them.

It's his baby too. What if FIL is that ill that he does between now and March?

YABVVVU

I'm just thinking how sad I would be if my dad was very ill and DP wouldn't 'let' me take the DC to visit him. I know the breastfeeding is an issue but in that case I think the three of you should go and try to beg or borrow the money from somewhere.