Another parent disciplining my son

[Lorna100]

Apologies if this posts twice!! Basically my sons best friends mother telephoned my house yesterday to speak to me, however my mother-in-law was babysitting. My 9 year old answered the phone and when the parent was told I was out she asked to speak directlt to my son, knowing that their granny was in. She proceeded to tell my son off for swinging her sons school bag on the way home from school. The wee boys water bottle leaked all over his jotter, as a result of the bag being swung. Despite telling my son off she then put her son on the phone and forced my son to apologise. I am so angry that she thought she could chatise my son over the phone, without his parents being in. My son is 9 and in the past has been hit by this boy, which I let be as did not want to interfere with squabbles between pals. Please advice

I do see what you mean OP. No, I wouldn't do that. I can understand why you are annoyed. She ought to have called back when you were there plus it is particularly annoying for you if, in fact, this other child has hit your child and you have held back from saying anything. I think I would call the other parent and tell her how you feel, that you are not adverse to talking to your son about his behaviour if he has been out of order but that you genuinely believe that the shoe has been on the other foot several times.

Is OP off having a nuclear meltdown somewhere in cyberspace?
How I love crazy people threads, best thing on MN

YABU

If a child does something wrong I am far more likely to directly tell the child off than go through the parents. Why bother going through the parents at that age? It just makes it into far too big a dea. A 9 year old can handle a simple telling off without having his parents involved.

I tihnk the woman was wrong to call up at all about it though, I would have just waited till I next saw your boy if it was my DS's lunchbox, and just had a quick work reminding him not to do it. No way would I bother telling the parents. It's not exactly a big deal. Teachers tell kids off all the time without reporting to the parents first (or even after).

eaglewings , unless the op has twin boys, she couldn't have asked to speak to the ops son as she was already speaking to him. Let's imagine I call you up, your ds answers, tells me you are out, do I then say ' can I speak to you then? It's highly unlikely, lets face it. It's more likely she just said, oh well, it was about you I was calling.

I disagreed with the OP.

I haven't had a nasty PM yet

I don't think you can assume it's a non-issue, precisely because the OP does not know what happened and was given no opportunity to find out before the other parent makes him apologise over the phone. Imagine if the other boy hit the son first, but did not tell his mum that, then rings up and puts him in a vulnerable position over the phone. No, it was the wrong thing to do.

Ok perfumed, you are correct, even though the OP could have 2 sons

Boy am I glad I don't know some of you in RL.

They say stress is passed on from others and for that reason I'm off to a RL where people are less harsh on a new person

Why on earth do so many parents get so involved in their kid's minor fallouts.
Teach them to handle these things.

I also tell other children off but only if I saw what happened

Bonkers. That's all.

Actually, it's not even a big deal is it? I wouldn't even bother commenting unless I was there at the time, and certainly not something that requires an apology!

Who's being harsh eaglewings?

It's surely possible to hold different opinions without being harsh, or throwing toys out the pram.

And the perennial AIBU, but only answer if you think I'm not.

Yes, she could have twins of 9, one answered the phone and fetched the other. But we will never know it seems.

Perhaps when my first post said "don't shoot the messenger" the OP took me literally. She did ask me if I was "for real" and said there had been no physical violence (or erm, shootings)

I can send anyone a nasty PM who is feeling left out?

I think the world would be a better place if more people told other people's children off.

I assumed she had twins aged 9.

That's the only way the OP makes sense.

If she doesnt make sense or have twins boys then what the fuck are we all doing here??

I think more parents should discipline Other People's Kids. It used to be like that, before Kids had Rights and All Men Were Peedos.

May I just say that when my DS was young I quite liked it when other grown-ups ticked him off. Let him know that some standards are universal and not just dreamed-up by Mum and Dad to inconvenience him.

I am so damned grateful to all the people who took the time to tell my DCs off - you can't be there all the time or mediate every single issue and I think my adult children are all the better for it. Maybe there were a couple of unfair moments but that's life. They also got away with a lot so it all balanced out.

This thread is bonkers! Your son misbehaved, your friend told him as she couldnt tell you.

Admittedly the first time i heard someone tell my ds not to do something, probably it was dangerous he was about 2, it was weird to hear, but i wouldnt hesitate to tell her son the same thing, sometimes things have to be said!

Cme on op, this is a forum, you posted a thread, then replied by pm, not good form at all

I can't believe she RANG the OP up to complain about such a non event!

OP YANBU!

Again - I think it's fine to discipline other people's kids, but not if you didn't see the offence. I'm all for pulling up children for littering etc, but in this situation, the mother is overstepping the mark.