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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I chase up a colleague who never gave me my leaving present when I left 11 years ago.

86 replies

Noreturn · 10/11/2011 22:33

11 years ago I left a company. I had a leaving meal and one of my senior colleagues did a collection for me. At the meal she took me to one side and said that she would purchase some gift vouchers for me rather than give me an envelope with all the change. She asked me which store I would like.
We left it that she would post the vouchers on to me.

A few months went by, no vouchers. My friend's mum works for the company and casually asked her about it, in case they were lost in the post. She implied that she kept forgetting, but yes she will get round to posting them.

Again, a few months went by, no vouchers. I then met her in a local town one day. I could see that she saw me from a distance and tried to nip into a shop hoping I did not see her. When I caught up with her she was all smiles and we had a brief catch up, she told me she was pregnant and filled me in about old colleagues.
She then said that she had been meaning to get in touch with me, she had some vouchers to give me but had lost my address! She then went on to say that she had used the vouchers as she was worried they would expire! It was ironic that the shop she had gone into was the one where the vouchers were meant to be from!

She asked for my address, said she would buy some more and post them on. I also said that she could always give them to my friend's mum to pass them on.

I have never received them. I have now heard that one of her children have started at the same school as my friend's child. My friend said that she can mention my name casually in conversation and mention that I never received the vouchers!

Am I being unreasonable to think that this woman she not think that she has got away with this. In truth, I had forgotten about it. It is not about the vouchers as such, but the fact that people have given to a collection for the collector to pocket the money for themselves. The company is big and without sounding big headed I know that there was probably quite a lot of money. I guess even after all this time I just want her to feel uncomfortable with what she has done.

OP posts:
Memoo · 10/11/2011 22:36

What a cow! Yanbu

Memoo · 10/11/2011 22:36

I mean your ex colleague not you btw

MissVerinder · 10/11/2011 22:36

YANBU, I would do it, just so she knows she hasn't gotten away with it. I don't think there's a statue of limitations for office etiquette (sp)

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 10/11/2011 22:37

Well I assume if you're annoyed the others who contributed would be livid. She is a thief.

slavetofilofax · 10/11/2011 22:38

She will feel more uncomfortable if you never have it out with her.

She stole, that is quite a big deal in my book, and she knows she did wrong. She obviously remembers and does feel bad.

Just you being around her will be making her feel uncomfortable.

troisgarcons · 10/11/2011 22:38

She can always say she posted them and you never received them - and she no longer has the stubs or receipts because of the time limit.

Your word against hers.

That'll be fun at the school gates though.

ENormaSnob · 10/11/2011 22:39

Yanbu

KathyImLost · 10/11/2011 22:39

You've nothing to lose. Go for it, YANBU.

emsyj · 10/11/2011 22:42

Gosh, I would have given her a bit of a grace period after the 'bumped into her in town' scenario then I'm afraid I would have contacted her superior at your old employer and reported her for theft.

Is she exceptionally hard-up?

Conundrumish · 10/11/2011 22:44

She sounds horrible OP. I am not sure I would ask your friend to ask about them but I would bribe ask your friend to tell the story in front of her and others at some point, pretending she couldn't remember who it happened to.

Original poster
Noreturn · 10/11/2011 22:45

It is my friend's child that is at the same school, so I will probably not see her. They live about 15 miles away. My friend said this woman looked mortified when she saw her in the playground. My friend has not said anything to her yet, only spoke to me about it today.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 10/11/2011 22:48

You know, I would just say something like "You know Lorna, I have been thinking about you quite a lot. I hope things are better for you now, I gather you must have been really hard up, and I felt so sorry for you."

Or something to that effect.

Original poster
Noreturn · 10/11/2011 22:48

No emsyj, don't think she is hard up. Married to a policeman!

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 10/11/2011 22:48

oh, sorry, x post

beanandspud · 10/11/2011 22:58

Sorry but I would let it go. It was 11 years ago. Your conscience is clear, hers (possibly) isn't. Who knows what was happening to her then, maybe she needed the cash for reasons that you'll never know and is still embarrassed. After all that time how can anyone prove what did/didn't happen?

Be the grown up here, forget it and move on

StillSquiffy · 10/11/2011 22:59

I would personally be paying my friend to casually mention, every time she see the thief at the school, that you say hi and have asked her to pass on the message that you still remember fondly how kind she was to organise your collection all those years ago.

Every time, mind. Morning drop-off, afternoon pick-up, christmas nativity, every time. That'll be worth far more in cold dish revenge than the vouchers ever cost.

joanofarchitrave · 10/11/2011 23:01

Coals of fire. Move on.

Schnarkle · 10/11/2011 23:07

The robbing mare. Definitely have your friend drop it into conversation at all and any opportunities. and of course report back here to tell us what happens

DadDadDad · 10/11/2011 23:11

YABU if you think there's anything you can do to ever get the money: after an 11y gap and having yourself forgotten about it for much of that time, it's going to be hard to exert any moral pressure or pursue a formal process that will get you anywhere.

But YANBU to feel angry and even want to confront her. In view of my previous point, can you say or write to her: "I know that you kept my leaving present for yourself, but I've moved on and am willing to forget it".

dwpanxt · 10/11/2011 23:13

Can I third the drop-into-every-conversation revenge?

Much more satisfying.Wink

Robbing mare.

Original poster
Noreturn · 10/11/2011 23:13

In response to Beanandspud and joanofarchitrave, this is what I have been thinking and doing over the last few years. I did forget it and it was only brought up again today while catching up with a friend.
I told my friend not to say anything until I have thought about it. But your right, I will not do anything.
I guess it is justice that she is now going to see my friend daily, and will know that she knows all that has gone on.

OP posts:
KatieMiddIeton · 10/11/2011 23:14

11 years? Let it go.

cat64 · 10/11/2011 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChristinedePizanne · 10/11/2011 23:17

I think your friend should just raise her eyebrows at the thief every time she sees her in a knowing way.

You never know - it could be like those people who had their wedding album stolen in a burglary and which was delivered back on their anniversary to their doorstep which was on the radio today :)

winnybella · 10/11/2011 23:18

Why didn't you mention anything to your friends/boss at work 11 years ago?

She is a thief. I can't believe you let her get away with it Shock