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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I chase up a colleague who never gave me my leaving present when I left 11 years ago.

86 replies

Noreturn · 10/11/2011 22:33

11 years ago I left a company. I had a leaving meal and one of my senior colleagues did a collection for me. At the meal she took me to one side and said that she would purchase some gift vouchers for me rather than give me an envelope with all the change. She asked me which store I would like.
We left it that she would post the vouchers on to me.

A few months went by, no vouchers. My friend's mum works for the company and casually asked her about it, in case they were lost in the post. She implied that she kept forgetting, but yes she will get round to posting them.

Again, a few months went by, no vouchers. I then met her in a local town one day. I could see that she saw me from a distance and tried to nip into a shop hoping I did not see her. When I caught up with her she was all smiles and we had a brief catch up, she told me she was pregnant and filled me in about old colleagues.
She then said that she had been meaning to get in touch with me, she had some vouchers to give me but had lost my address! She then went on to say that she had used the vouchers as she was worried they would expire! It was ironic that the shop she had gone into was the one where the vouchers were meant to be from!

She asked for my address, said she would buy some more and post them on. I also said that she could always give them to my friend's mum to pass them on.

I have never received them. I have now heard that one of her children have started at the same school as my friend's child. My friend said that she can mention my name casually in conversation and mention that I never received the vouchers!

Am I being unreasonable to think that this woman she not think that she has got away with this. In truth, I had forgotten about it. It is not about the vouchers as such, but the fact that people have given to a collection for the collector to pocket the money for themselves. The company is big and without sounding big headed I know that there was probably quite a lot of money. I guess even after all this time I just want her to feel uncomfortable with what she has done.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 10/11/2011 23:22

Let it go FGS

Original poster
Noreturn · 10/11/2011 23:24

I did let it go, until today. After talking to my friend a little part of me thought 'how should she be allowed to get away with it'.

I don't want the vouchers and in truth I don't want to make someone uncomfortable taking their child to school.

I guess having not thought about it for a few years until today, I just wanted clarification that what she did was so wrong but I have been the bigger person and moved on!

OP posts:
LeBOF · 10/11/2011 23:29

You just have to forget about it, I think. But I'd find it hard not to make some kind of light-hearted dig along the lines of "I guess you won't be standing for PTA Treasurer, then?"...

Original poster
Noreturn · 10/11/2011 23:35

In reply to all who mentioned I should have contacted my boss at the time. Whenever she saw my friend's mum at work she often mentioned that she would send on the vouchers, and I just thought she was just being ditzy. She was always very disorganised at work.
I did not want to go in and ask for 'my present', and to find it was being sorted and look like a cheeky cow myself!
Months went by, and I just forgot about it. Until today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noreturn · 10/11/2011 23:38

I like that idea LeBOF.
I am now going to FORGET ABOUT IT.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/11/2011 23:41

Thing is, if it was something of yours then it's your decision to let it go. The deciding factor for me is that it involved other people's money. For that reason I'd have to do something.

lifechanger · 11/11/2011 06:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RottenRow · 11/11/2011 06:27

I'd let it go. She has to live with her own conscience which must be killing her.

Love lebof's suggestion though!

minicorrect · 11/11/2011 06:45

This has happened to me in a way. Went on ML and was given lots of loudly presents and told that a voucher for £60 for a spa would be sent onto me. Never received it and when I returned to work, the girl apologised and said she still had the cash at home. But I never saw it. On ML again and told to expect an Amazon voucher in the post by a different colleague and 5 months on still not seen it.
I don't think you're being unreasonable to think about it as I feel the same way that colleagues gave (very) hard earned cash in good faith and it should have been passed on as agreed. I don't believe either of mine were maliciously taken but feel rude to bring it up. It does sound as though yours may have been so you are well within your rights to want to question it. But it's been a long time and there's little to gain now so would let it pass. Just trust in karma to sort it out!

minicorrect · 11/11/2011 06:46

Lovely not loudly!

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 11/11/2011 07:14

She stole from you. Or more accurately - she stole from all those who so kindly did a collection for you. That was horrible of her.

But it was such a long time ago, there's really not much you can do.

It will disturb her more to have your friend keep dropping your name into conversation.

And perhaps dropping key words like 'voucher' and 'collection' into conversation where possible. Wink

Seriously. Let it go. She knows she's a thief. she knows you know she's a thief and she knows your friend knows she's a thief.

You don't need to do anything. She'll do it all to herself, worrying about whether your friend is going to gossip...

AnotherEmptyNest · 11/11/2011 07:25

Following StillSquiffy's post, What about your friend asking the 'collecytor' about the vouchers in front of other colleagues? That way, the contributors will get to know.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 11/11/2011 10:16

I got accused of something similar at the place I used to work. I organised the collection but then left the company suddenly. I called at a colleague's house with the cash for her to pass along but it never reached the recepient.

It was awful, the place in question was a supermarket and every time I went in someone would ask me about the money. They always made it sound like a polite enquiry and I always told them I'd passed it on to so-and-so but a friend who continued to work there told me that staff members were pretty united in their opinion that I'd pocketed the cash.

valiumredhead · 11/11/2011 10:18

How much do you think the vouchers were for?

ChaoticAngel · 11/11/2011 10:52

I like the idea of your friend dropping your name into conversation every now and then. Other than that I think you'll have to drop it, unless she ever volunteers to do a collection for someone at school.

Melindaaa · 11/11/2011 11:13

I'd forget it. More important things on life IMO.

Original poster
Noreturn · 06/01/2012 01:47

Just wanted to up date those he may be interested!
Work colleague phoned me! She got my number through my friend who she has recently met at the school gates!

She apologised and appeared very upset about not getting in touch and giving me the vouchers. I mentioned before that she was always forgetful and a bit dizzy at work. She said that life was just so hectic at the time, weeks went by and then she felt embarrassed and upset with her self, so pushed it to the back of her mind. She did say that it has always been 'niggling' her.
I told her that it was not about the actual vouchers but the fact that my work colleagues had collected for ME and did not know I had not received anything.

She said that she had to phone as she has been so worried and not sleeping since she bumped into my friend, and wanted to put things right.
I started to feel really sorry for her and ?admire her decision to phone and face up. She could have easily said that she had posted them but they must have got lost.
We spoke for quite a while and caught up. She has said she will phone me in the new year(call was just before christmas), maybe meet for coffee and she will 'put it right'.

I am so pleased. Not that I may get some vouchers but deep down I did not think she was a malicious person, just very disorganised and forgetful!

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 06/01/2012 02:02

Well maybe she is a mnetter?! Glad you are pleased,let's see if & when you get them

giraffesCanGoFirstFootingOnNYE · 06/01/2012 05:13

Hope she isn't on the pta fundraising committee

empirestateofmind · 06/01/2012 06:09

The original vouchers will be long past their use-by date.

I wonder what she'll do to make it up

(I remember the thread and am pleased to see an update)

Jacksmania · 06/01/2012 06:34

Really want to see how this turns out. I'm so pleased that you're pleased if that makes sense :)

StealthPolarBear · 06/01/2012 06:40

thanks for the update, but please do update again if/when you meet
I well know how "weeks turn into months" - I was meant to be organising a present within our group of friends for a friend who had a baby on 1/12 - but 11 years is a bit silly.
(BTW I haven't had money yet so not quite as bad!)

fuzzpig · 06/01/2012 06:46
leprechauncream · 06/01/2012 06:49

now she has raised it, i think you are well within your rights to do so in a few weeks, even if she doesn't. However, she has obviously been feeling guilty - as she should - and there is some comfort in that!

Lovemygirls · 06/01/2012 07:29

Brilliant update, fingers crossed she means it this time!

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