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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is an odd thing to ask of a colleague

71 replies

RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 19:48

I work in a school as a TA. I'm fairly new to the job. I come in at lunch, have lunch in the staff room along with other members of staff and start work afterwards.

Today I was having lunch along with one of the other TAs who works with me. Her hours are the same as mine and our roles are identical. We both had to be at the same place at the same time immediately after lunch.

I finished my meal and stood up to leave and take my plate to the dirty pile and she handed me her dirty plate and asked me to take it to the dirty pile for her.

Now, AIBU to think this was odd. I would never ask a colleague to clear up my dirty dish unless there was some pressing thing that I really had to get to right there and then (e.g. if a pupil got hurt and needed immediate assistance).

I was so surprised that I did it but she made me feel like her skivvy.

AIBU to think she was out of order?

OP posts:

Kayano · 09/11/2011 19:50

! Really? You were going there anyway!

???

BabyDubsEverywhere · 09/11/2011 19:51

Are you serious?

Firefly2 · 09/11/2011 19:53

hmm, I suppose it depends on her manner. If she was like 'oh would you mind taking mine, thanks' then I suppose that would be ok but if she literally just handed you her plate then yes I agree, very cheeky/rude!! If it was the latter I would advise you if she does it again to say something like ' what did your last slave die of' with a laugh so she won't know if you're joking...!

LineRunnerSaturnaliaCometh · 09/11/2011 19:54

I'm impressed you get to eat before you even start work.

thisisyesterday · 09/11/2011 19:54

yes yabu.
if it were me, I'd have offered to take her plate if I was going to the "dirty pile" myself and could see that she had finished,

it's called common courtesy and being helpful/kind.

Kayano · 09/11/2011 19:56

Pleased say that you were 'outraged' or 'furious'

libelulle · 09/11/2011 19:57

Wow. This is one of these 'the alternative universes other mumsnetters live in' threads. Of course it isn't a weird thing to ask. You were going there anyway! It is, on the other hand, a v peculiar thing to be offended by. Sorry, you did ask!

HairyGrotter · 09/11/2011 19:57

Ha, brilliant.

YABU, I'd have automatically offered to take her plate if she looked as if she had finished because it's just polite.

upahill · 09/11/2011 19:58

Blimey this happens at my place all the time!
Big deal!

pointydog · 09/11/2011 19:59

every day occurence at my place of work

squeakytoy · 09/11/2011 20:00

She asked you. You could have said no.

Did she say please, did she say thankyou?

YABU and sound a slight bit precious.

ThisIsANickname · 09/11/2011 20:02

YANBU... it would have been polite for you to ask if you could take it for her, but asking you to clean up after her is a bit cheeky.

dearprudence · 09/11/2011 20:03

It's not an odd thing to ask of a colleague, no.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 09/11/2011 20:03

Did she sort of hand it to you, not look at you and say "take this would ya"?

Or did she make eye contact and say "could you take this over to the pile please"?

I need context please before I can make a snap judgement

BroomForMyChin · 09/11/2011 20:03

I'm really confused, why is it odd? Did she ask you take it once you'd already stood up to go and take your plate back? Surely this is fairly normal, no?

Original poster

RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 20:04

OK, well I was about to offer and she pushed it towards me with a kind of peremptory request - not rudely but certainly not particularly politely either. She doesn't really talk to me unless she has to and I get the feeling she doesn't like me.

I haven't said I was offended, nor am I outraged or furious. I just wouldn't ask someone I barely know and obviously dislike to clear up my dirty plates for me.

I'm not in any alternative universe or anything. Sorry you think IAMBU. I'm not some odd weirdo, I just don't ask favours of people with whom I don't have a strong relationship.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 09/11/2011 20:05

If you dont think she likes you, and its fairly clear you dont like her... why did you sit together for lunch???

MynameisnotEarl · 09/11/2011 20:06

YANBU. It was cheeky.

wildfig · 09/11/2011 20:07

You could have said, 'Yes, milady' and tugged your forelock in a Downton Abbey-ish manner. [stirrer emoticon]

LineRunnerSaturnaliaCometh · 09/11/2011 20:08

Well, you obviously think she did it in a rude way, so I presume she did subtly or not so subtly do it in a rude way. Body language is powerful thing.

By the way, who gets to wash up the dirty pile??

There may be pecking orders here that MNetters have been dreaming of ...

Original poster

RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 20:08

Squeakytoy - small staff room. I wasn't next to her I was perpendicular to her with a chair between us. A polite distance, I suppose.

OP posts:

KittyFane · 09/11/2011 20:10

Well, I'm with you OP.
My DP does this and it annoys me (sits with empty mug or plate until I get up, then passes it to me to take into kitchen).
I hate clearing up after other people.
I don't expect anyone to clear up after me either.

activate · 09/11/2011 20:10

you were going there what's the problem?

how odd!

Original poster

RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 20:11

wildfig - LOL. I nearly did. But that would have been v. naughty, wouldn't it.

OP posts:

PumpkinBones · 09/11/2011 20:11

I don't know if YABU or not but I have to admit when I clicked on this thread I was hoping for a much more bizarre request from a work colleague. Possibly, if I'm honest, involving some sort of fetishistic sex.

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