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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an odd thing to ask of a colleague

71 replies

RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 19:48

I work in a school as a TA. I'm fairly new to the job. I come in at lunch, have lunch in the staff room along with other members of staff and start work afterwards.

Today I was having lunch along with one of the other TAs who works with me. Her hours are the same as mine and our roles are identical. We both had to be at the same place at the same time immediately after lunch.

I finished my meal and stood up to leave and take my plate to the dirty pile and she handed me her dirty plate and asked me to take it to the dirty pile for her.

Now, AIBU to think this was odd. I would never ask a colleague to clear up my dirty dish unless there was some pressing thing that I really had to get to right there and then (e.g. if a pupil got hurt and needed immediate assistance).

I was so surprised that I did it but she made me feel like her skivvy.

AIBU to think she was out of order?

OP posts:
Original poster
RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 20:14

KittyFane - it's a totally different matter if it's someone you know or someone who you know would do the same for you.

I barely know her and I am almost certain that if I did the same to her I'd get short shrift big time.

I suppose that if she has shown me any kind of warmth at all since I joined I wouldn't have written this post, as of course I'd be happy to do it for anyone who I felt would be equally happy to do the same for me.

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 09/11/2011 20:15

Pumpkin - you patently need to get out more Grin Grin

OK, it does sound rude - not that she asked you to take her plate over, but her manner.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 09/11/2011 20:22

Well I have never heard of dirty plate politics before but if it really bothers you that much then ask her to take your plae tomorrow or something Confused

But, it really really doesnt matter op.

Mooja · 09/11/2011 20:48

Weird.

DownbytheRiverside · 09/11/2011 20:55

You are a nearly-new TA and you are this precious already?
I pity the teacher you are placed with.

warthog · 09/11/2011 20:59

yanbu

tomorrow you should return the favour and push your plate towards her.

Driftwood999 · 09/11/2011 21:10

DownbytheRiverside - of all the replies I think yours is just about the nastiest. OP, we were not there, but you obviously felt this, if I were you trust your instincts and just go about your business and don't over think it. It can be a bit of a jungle working in a school and some people, sadly, take pleasure in testing newcomers. Just rise above it.

DownbytheRiverside · 09/11/2011 21:20

Really?
The OP seems to lack the resilience and sense of humour required to work in a busy school. In our staffroom a forelock would have been tugged, or a tip expected, or 'what did your last slave die of?' We all muck in together on everything from stacking dirty dishes in the machine to cheeky requests for a coffee if someone is near the kettle and getting themselves one.
She sounds like the sort of person where every tricky request will have to be dressed up and phrased as if talking to an elderly aunt.

MrBloomsNursery · 09/11/2011 21:34

I used to always clear up left dishes and mugs from our eating area that belonged to colleagues (it was all the men who left crap lying about). I think you're too proud. It must get quite cold up there on your pedestal, come down and join us down on planet earth some day.

letmehelp · 09/11/2011 21:49

I think if I was eating/finishing at the same time as a colleague and we both needed to leave at the same time to be at the same place, one of us would take all the dishes, but it would be an unspoken understanding/agreement I really can't see a situation where anyone needed to ask. Maybe her tone came across as it did because she thought you were odd not to have automatically taken the plate as you were going anyway? Tomorrow, stay seated until she gets up and see if she takes yours (bet she does!)

What does seem odd to me is that you have a "dirty pile". Do the elves come in and see to it? I've never worked in a school, but in numerous different workplaces and leaving dirty dishes for others (including the cleaner) to deal with has always provoked fury.

Down.. could have been more tactful, but she's right!! That's what would have happened in any staffroom where I've worked.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 09/11/2011 22:13

Oh - and and there's the "you're so precious" comment - wondered how long that would take (was running my own sweepstake there).

The OP doesn't sound like the type of person who would require any tricky request to be dressed up at all. What utter bollocks.

AnotherEmptyNest · 09/11/2011 22:31

did you also wipe the table under her plate?

olibeansmummy · 09/11/2011 22:39

In our staffroom you'd be vvvu not to wash the plate(s) up!

Original poster
RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 22:40

Lordy - got to fight my corner here.

Downbytheriverside - I did feel your comment was pretty below the belt TBH but can't be arsed to spend hours giving examples of my resilience and humour to justify myself.

I've only worked at the school since the end of last academic year yet in the entire time I've been there no-one has ever asked anyone to do this. Nor have I seen anyone else ask - or even offer - to do this. Admittedly this is my first foray into working in a school environment so for those of you who have replied that do work in a school where it is all a lot more accommodating forgive me because I can only judge by what I have experienced.

Before this I have only worked in an office where it is an eat-at-your-desk environment and no-one clears up after anyone else.

Letmehelp - (ironic name for this thread Grin). All plates get piled into a pile and put in the dishwasher by the kitchen staff. It's how it is and is no reflection on my shortcomings as a human and if it were not the case I would happily put my own (or those of my more friendly colleagues') plates in the dishwasher all by myself.

That said, I'm not one of those people who ignore those who say that the OP is BU and will perhaps be more proactive in offering to take other colleague's plate for them and maybe engender a more sharing atmoshpere within the staff room.

OP posts:
Driftwood999 · 09/11/2011 22:54

You will be fine Grin fwiw I think that no matter how busy a working environment is, manners and courtesy cost nothing, and are even more important in a school. So I really do not get the dig at elderly aunts, unless one is used to such impoverished working practices.

MeconiumHappens · 10/11/2011 21:25

Am i missing something here?
You just had to stick your plate on top of hers and put them both on a pile. You didnt have to scrape and wash her plate, buff it to a sheen with your jumper or anything?

Hmm YABU. I have no idea why it would be an issue in any way.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 11/11/2011 08:21

You missed the way in which it was 'asked' of her by someone who makes it pretty clear she doesn't like the OP.

Acandlelitshadow · 11/11/2011 08:31

It is odd asking 'the new girl' to do it.

Is she trying to "put you in your place"?

YANBU.

qo · 11/11/2011 08:36

I used to take 8 cups to the staffroom, and not just take them - wash them as well - if I was headed that way. I didn't particularly "like" everyone I did this for either, but they were my work colleagues and (as has been pointed out many times) I was going anyway.

It really isn;t an odd thing to ask anyone to do.

flicktheswitch · 11/11/2011 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

uphillbothways · 11/11/2011 08:51

I do think it's a bit odd and cheeky to expect someone to do this :S

It would be polite of you to offer to but just to push your plate towards someone is quite presumptuous! I think you're getting more stick for this because you work in a school, if someone did this at my work canteen they'd be considered rather strange, lazy and unprofessional.

To the people saying it's OK: would you ask this of your boss? I expect not, because it does come across as a tad disrespectful unless you're good friends.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 11/11/2011 08:52

Bloody hell, my colleagues must hate me. I not only tell them to put the kettle on but I make them go and get my mug from the room next door! :o

Disclaimer: I wouldn't do it if I didn't know them very very well and they know what I'm like. I do lots of things in return and am currently quite pg.

KittyFane · 11/11/2011 08:53

This colleague is not particularly nice to OP. Why the H should OP offer to take her plate?!

KittyFane · 11/11/2011 08:57

Gwendoline! I usually agree with your posts but :( @ getting colleagues to go and get your mug from another room.
Extra :( for using being pg as excuse!!

Catslikehats · 11/11/2011 09:00

I'd have picked up her plate if I was going. I find it odd that you didn't.

Talk of the op being "put in her place" is bizarre.

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