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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is an odd thing to ask of a colleague

71 replies

RattusRattus · 09/11/2011 19:48

I work in a school as a TA. I'm fairly new to the job. I come in at lunch, have lunch in the staff room along with other members of staff and start work afterwards.

Today I was having lunch along with one of the other TAs who works with me. Her hours are the same as mine and our roles are identical. We both had to be at the same place at the same time immediately after lunch.

I finished my meal and stood up to leave and take my plate to the dirty pile and she handed me her dirty plate and asked me to take it to the dirty pile for her.

Now, AIBU to think this was odd. I would never ask a colleague to clear up my dirty dish unless there was some pressing thing that I really had to get to right there and then (e.g. if a pupil got hurt and needed immediate assistance).

I was so surprised that I did it but she made me feel like her skivvy.

AIBU to think she was out of order?

OP posts:

marriedinwhite · 11/11/2011 09:04

Your thread started Wednesday, I'm sorry no-one has said "well tomorrow, start a bit of a chit chat when you have lunch with her and just before you finish - making sure of course you are a bit ahead of her - you say - I just need to do x before getting back to the classroom, please could you clear the plates today". Job done, message exchanged, no offence.

But please, OP, don't get in a tizz about it, she may be a twit, she may be shy, she may have the social grace of my mil an elephant, but it's not a big deal to get worked up about. Let it wash over you and make sure you pick your battles.

mummytime · 11/11/2011 09:07

Okay who here works in a school? Hands up.
During break times teachers are usually rushing around like maniacs, getting photocopying etc. TAs in my experience slightly less so, but may need to just have a quick word with Mrs X about Johnny, or glance at the new IEP for Suzy, or check pigeon hole, email etc. Or Photocopy etc.
Now maybe in the OPs school it isn't so manic, and not as crowded, so there is no huge crowd around the sink etc.
Most schools I've been in operate on a certain percentage of chaos, and a huge chunk of give and take. Maybe she was just exhausted after peace making with Siobhan for an hour, and re-charging to take on Louis.

I'd suggest that you look around and try to really observe how everyone else interacts.

purits · 11/11/2011 09:07

"one of the other TAs who works with me. Her hours are the same as mine and our roles are identical ... she made me feel like her skivvy"

Wow. Have you got a chip on your shoulder or what?
I do little kindness like this for my colleagues because we are all in it together and it helps to keep the office atmosphere sweet. Don't sweat the small stuff.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 11/11/2011 09:11

Dirty pile?? Who washes them up?

Anyone at my work would be hung, drawn and quartered for leaving dirty dishes in the staffroom for someone else to clean.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 11/11/2011 09:12

Do you take your own lunch, or does the school provide it?

{not helpful just nosy}

uphillbothways · 11/11/2011 09:16

If the other TA wants to create the kind of office/staff room culture where this happens, she should be the first to volunteer. At some point in the last 2 months she could have offered to do this when the OP was busy. She hasn't. OP says she hasn't seen anyone do this. At the moment the other TA's actions are sending the message "my time is more important than yours"!

Scholes34 · 11/11/2011 09:22

OP says she doesn't ask favours of people she doesn't have a strong relationship with. I think she is operating in a different universe to mine. I would find it very difficult to function with three children if I didn't ask favours of people, some of whom I don't know very well. On the whole, everyone will muck in. Taking a plate to somewhere you're going anyway isn't putting yourself out, so there is more to this than an item of crockery.

Now, had the colleague expected OP to wash the plate for her I could see OP getting a little miffed.

Original poster

RattusRattus · 11/11/2011 11:09

OMG - lots of assumptions being made about me here and some of them rather unpleasant.

Yesterday, on the basis of the drubbing I got on here I offered to take another colleague's plate (and those who seem to think that previously I thought this was a task below me I refer you to my second post on this thread where I explain I was about to offer to do it). Anyway, I was met with an utterly astonished look, followed by an embarrassed acceptance. It simply isn't the culture of the place.

On a forum such as this I think it's very easy to project one's own more relaxed workplace culture upon another, thinking that yours is the norm. As it would seem this kind of helpfulness isn't something that happens where I work (which is a true shame IMO) then the fact I hadn't offered before doesn't make me a bad person; I just read the workplace culture right. This colleague was clearly being odd / cheeky / making some kind of point.

I'll keep on offering just to prove how utterly luverly I am .

Anyway, look at the time on this particular day. I think there are more important things to consider.

OP posts:

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 11/11/2011 11:17

Rattus - MN is the home of snap judgements unfortunately

SunnilyEnough · 11/11/2011 11:20

Haven't read the whole thread, but I am someone who always helps out and I've never been in a staffroom or canteen and seen people carrying each other's dirty plates away for them. It's not about how much of an effort it is to do it - "you were going anyway" - it's just not something people do, and it's not necessary.

I think it's an odd thing for your colleague to have done and am not surprised your other colleague looked embarrassed/confused when you offered to take her plate!

I also think the analogy of colleagues making your tea for you, or washing up a load of mugs, doesn't fit here.

And asking for other people's help, or offering to help others - of course that's the norm, but it's irrelevant. How much of an impact would it have made on the colleague's day if she'd had to carry her plate herself?

I think op's colleague was being a bit weird and rude and I'd have been annoyed too.

SunnilyEnough · 11/11/2011 11:24

Btw - once I was working somewhere as a designer. A programmer was having a meeting and as I walked past, he beckoned me in and asked me to photocopy something for him. I raised an eyebrow but I did it, so as not to embarrass him in front of the other person, but it wasn't my job to do photocopying for him and it wasn't necessary.

You could argue that it didn't take me long, it was no skin off my nose, I was helping out etc. etc. Not the point.

SunnilyEnough · 11/11/2011 11:30

And seriously - what's having 3 kids got to do with it? If you were eating with them in a canteen, would you push all the dirty plates to the people sitting next to you because you can't function with 3 kids without asking for help? And those people have to carry their own plates back anyway, so what's the big deal?

MollyTheMole · 11/11/2011 11:31

strange thing to even give head space to let alone feel annoyed by. YABU

Original poster

RattusRattus · 11/11/2011 11:31

SunnilyEnough - I think I'm a little bit in love with you right now!

OP posts:

SunnilyEnough · 11/11/2011 11:35

Got a bit carried away.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 11/11/2011 13:22

Oh Kitty, don't :( at me. Now I'm :(.

It is all in fun and I buy lots of cakes and biscuits to make up for it. The pg thing is because I'm finding it very difficult to walk at the moment, not general pgness

Acandlelitshadow · 11/11/2011 13:33

Talk of the op being "put in her place" is bizarre

Depends if the colleague in question is trying to establish some kind of pecking order really. There can't be many reasons someone you barely know and who doesn't appear to like you would ask you to skivvy for them.

FreudianSlipper · 11/11/2011 14:35

with such a build up i was expecting something really strange, slightly disappointed

i would not have given it a second thought but i would question myself as to why this annoyed me so much (if i were you)

strawberrymivvi · 11/11/2011 14:59

To me it sounds like you work in a 'jobs worth' school. You said you all stack the dishes so they can be put in the washer by the kitchen staff. Blimey.

I've been in a school like this, the staff-room was filthy as it wasn't in the teachers contract to wash dishes and clean the sink and work tops. They wouldn't wash their own plates (this was before dishwashers).

So if that's the attitude where you work then YANBU, but it's not a nice attitude.

MarinaAzul · 11/11/2011 16:17

Yes, she sounds rude! And a fellow TA at that! I was a TA (gap year before Uni) and couldn't how badly the Teachers treated us like their personal maids in some cases. A few were nice but I felt looked down upon by the Teacher I worked with. Overheard her saying once ''.....she's only a TA'' !

KittyFane · 12/11/2011 09:05

gwendolene! Have these instead, I feel mean now!
:o :o :o !

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