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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to be able to take DS to GP for vaccination without "letter of consent"

67 replies

Amateurish · 09/11/2011 08:06

So, DS is 1. DP and I are unmarried; we are the parents of DS. I am on birth certificate.

Apparently, I cannot take DS for vaccination at GP's surgery without a letter of consent from DP (his mother).

DP, on the other hand, does not require a letter of consent from me.

I am livid. AIBU?

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 09/11/2011 08:12

That does seem stupid to me YANBU Hmm

Faithless12 · 09/11/2011 08:13

Yanbu. Are they the normal 1 year vaccinations? Only because if they are vaccinations for going on holiday I can just about understand it.

GypsyMoth · 09/11/2011 08:13

Do you have PR?

samandi · 09/11/2011 08:16

No. That's ridiculous.

niceguy2 · 09/11/2011 08:16

@ILoveTiff. Yes he does. Any father of a child born after Dec 2003 who is named on the birth certificate automatically gets it.

It's funny, I've never been challenged on whether or not I have PR. Who did you speak to OP? If it was admin staff, it might be worth speaking to a GP and reminding them of the above fact, along with a copy of your DS's birth certificate.

TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums · 09/11/2011 08:17

That's ridiculous. I took DSD for her injections as DP had custody and she was living with us.

StrandedBear · 09/11/2011 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoritaViva · 09/11/2011 08:38

That is certainly not fair on fathers, I would definitely query it with your GP.

SausageGoulsAndFruitSpooks · 09/11/2011 08:41

YANBU.

We both took ds1 for his first injections but Dp took him in to the room while I sat In the waiting room. They wouldn't vaccinate him until someone had been out and asked for my permission first.

Also, I took my friends ds in for his first vaccinations as friend was petrified of needles but the nurse just assumed I was the mother and vaccinated without getting my friends permission. (obviously I had permission of her)

It's ridiculous. What happens, if mother had died in childbirth or is extremely poorly. Will they not vaccinate the child because they can't get the mothers permission? Oh wait, no you can get a random woman off the street to take the child in because they don't ask women of they are the mother, they just assume they are.

Something needs to be done.

SausageGoulsAndFruitSpooks · 09/11/2011 08:42

off not of.

Trills · 09/11/2011 08:43

Who told you this, and did they know that you have parental responsibility? It sounds to me like someone has got the wrong end of the stick.

Trills · 09/11/2011 08:43

Oh, and YANBU to expect to be able to consent to medical procedures for your child when you have parental responsibility, that's one of the things that it is for.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 09/11/2011 08:45

That's stupid.

You are the father. You are on the birth certificate. You have parental responsibility.

You need to challenge this. It is a discriminatory policy. - at the very least it is ignorant!

storminabuttercup · 09/11/2011 08:47

Yanbu!

Why shouldn't you be allowed?

I'd ask to speak to someone else!

Trills · 09/11/2011 08:48

I am wondering if the OP walked into the GPs surgery without any proof that he was the father or was on the birth certificate and encountered a receptionist who had been told (due to past bad experience?) that all fathers had to prove that they had parental responsibility before any treatment would be given.

Original poster
Amateurish · 09/11/2011 08:53

Thanks for all your advice. I will definitely challenge the surgery on the policy.

Trills that scenario would at least make some sense! In this case, DP took DS for the first of the two vaccinations. She mentioned, in passing, that I would be bringing DS for the second. Then she was told that I couldn't do that without a signed letter from her allowing me to. Madness!

OP posts:
SausageGoulsAndFruitSpooks · 09/11/2011 08:54

But if they did that Trills surely they should have to ask women to prove that they are the mother?

Like I said in my earlier post, I didn't get questioned when I took my friends Ds in to get his vaccinations. They just thought woman bringing baby in = mother.

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 09/11/2011 08:55

YANBU but I am sorry to say that due to the fact you have a penis you will never have equal rights over your child Sad I am a woman and a mother but I am so sick of how the system is stacked against fathers.

eaglewings · 09/11/2011 09:02

Think Trills has the answer. In the past a mum must ave made a big fuss and they want to avoid this

Picture the scene, mum doesn't believe in vaccination but dad does. While dad has child he takes him to the clinic and the deed is done

Dad takes child home, child is having slight reaction to vaccination, dad confesses, mum runs to clinic and makes a scene, then writes letters, etc.

Not hard to imagine really, but this does not make the policy of your surgery correct. What if dad doesn't want child vaccinated but mum does. Do they expect written consent from dad too?

diddl · 09/11/2011 09:11

Doesn´t make sense if child has already had one vaccination of two, thoughConfused

ChunkyPickle · 09/11/2011 09:14

That's odd - DP took ours for his vaccinations with no difficulty - and they didn't know us as we've only just moved back to the country..

Graciescotland · 09/11/2011 09:15

My DH was equally livid when he was told that he couldn't sign a consent form when DS was a few days old. The midwife said that they get the mum to sign everything so there's one person who's fully informed Hmm YANBU I really don't understand why a father is treated as less of a parent on the basis of gender.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 09/11/2011 09:16

My DH got comments when he took one of the DCs for their injections, they did do them but he said he was made to feel uncomfortable as the clear presumption was that the mother should have been there. This was in 2004, we assumed it was because of the MMR scandal. Doesn't make it right though.

CustardCake · 09/11/2011 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 09/11/2011 09:26

It can happen even if you're married, DH got this attitude when he took DS for a vaccination at the health visitors clinic (not our GP). He told them it was a load of bollocks and they backed down and gave the shot.

They seem to think that a man taking care of his child is weird and needs to be checked out. Craziness.