to expect to be able to take DS to GP for vaccination without "letter of consent"

[Amateurish]

So, DS is 1. DP and I are unmarried; we are the parents of DS. I am on birth certificate.

Apparently, I cannot take DS for vaccination at GP's surgery without a letter of consent from DP (his mother).

DP, on the other hand, does not require a letter of consent from me.

I am livid. AIBU?

This inequality and discrimination drives me mad - DP and I had a blatant example of it from a medical practice too.

We both wanted our respective DC's (my DD and his DS) referred to the local youth counselling service (at the recommendation of the local family support worker).

I spoke to the on-call GP by phone and DD was referred straight away, whereas DP had two appointments, endless phone calls and eventually an appointment with a solicitor with a view to a specific issue order as his GP refused to refer without DSS mums "permission"; and she refused to even talk to the GP about it on the phone. The world and his dog got involved; the school, social services - eventually, the GP caved under the pressure (or maybe was finally given correct advice) and DSS mum also engaged in the process once she realised it was a done deal.

What was the difference between our situations? Just that I am a Mum and DP is a Dad - both with parental responsibility and (on paper) and equal say in our child's lives. If only that were true irl

are you in UK?

Our Surgery lets Dad's give consent, but gets letter from Grandparents etc. These are the NHS rules:

Parental responsibility

A person with parental responsibility for a child who is under 16 years of age could be:
. the child?s mother
. the child?s father if he was married to the mother when the child was born.
. for children born before December 1, 2003: the child?s father, if he marries the mother, obtains a parental responsibility order from the court or registers a parental responsibility agreement with the court
. for children born on or after December 1, 2003: the child?s father, if he registered the child?s birth with the mother at the time of the birth, or if he re-registers the birth (if he is the natural father), marries the mother, obtains a parental responsibility order from the court, or registers a parental responsibility agreement with the court
. the child?s legally appointed guardian
. a person with a residence order concerning the child
. a local authority that is designated to care for the child
. a local authority or person with an emergency protection order for the child

"@ILoveTiff. Yes he does. Any father of a child born after Dec 2003 who is named on the birth certificate automatically gets it."

Just bec ause you are named on the BC doesn't mean that you have PR, the person named as the father has to be present at the time of registration to gain PR. All doctors have the details of who has PR for a child.

Birdsgottafly but to be on the BC as the father you have to either be present at the registration, or be married, either way you have Parental Responsibility if you are on the BC.

YABU to be 'livid' - why didn't your partner ask for clarification of why a letter is required ? This may be due to local policy and may relate to previous issues around vaccination. It is not unheard of for 2 parents to have very different attitudes to vaccination - there have been cases which have gone as far as the courts when parents cannot agree on vaccination. If clarification on your PR is sought, and you can provide that easily, then I don't see what the issue is. (But am sure there will be loadsa folk lining up to tell me )

I think it is just your surgery. My now DH, but then DP, took both of ours for their jabs and nobody has ever questioned it. He also took dd2 to hospital appointments without me. No one has ever asked me to provide written concent.

I don't think an unmarried father has to be present to have his name put on the bc. I'm sure that's not the case. It IS the other way around though.

that's outrageous OP.

my mum was able to take my ds for his vaccinations as i couldn't get out of work for them. no questions asked.

If parents are married, then either parent can register the birth.

If parents aren't married, then both must be present to register the birth if the father is to go on the birth certificate - or I believe there is a form the father can fill out for the mother to present if he can't attend.

Sassy - not wanting to be first in the queue, but while I agree with you in theory, surely the practice would ask either parent for the consent of the other in that case?
What irks me is that mums are accepted without question, whereas dads are treated with suspicion and required to provide evidence of mums consent.

DP and I come across this all the time; as a mum, I could make every decision about medical treatment, education etc with no reference to DDs dad, but DP is unable to independently interact with any of the agencies supporting DSS

When i took my ds for his injections i was questioned on if i was his mother as at the time i wasnt married and so we had different surnames ( i was asked for him name and my name). The health visitor was there and told the receptionist that i was indeed his mother.

yanbu

its bullshit DP is SAHD and does all of this

ridiculous

It's not just about the rights of fathers - though that is indeed an issue - but also how much of an imposition it is on a mother's rights not to leave the DC in the hands of a perfectly capable parent. It's another reason for mothers not to go to work, and another reason for employers to be cagey about employing women of child-rearing age, if she always has to be the one who takes time off for medical appointments etc.

I had this wrangle with XH years ago; he thought I should be taking the DCs to the doctor's as I was The Mother, whereas I thought he should be doing it as he was The Parent At Home. I won, eventually, mainly because I was rapidly running out of annual leave. But heaven forbid the bloody health service should give him yet another reason for getting me to do anything involving responsibility. (I'm not even good at responsibility.)

Are you sure they aren't asking you for the letter of consent to have the vaccinations rather than a letter of consent allowing you to take your child for vaccinations?

HadToSign2OfTheseBloodyThingsASurgeryLostTheFirstOneTiggaxx

YANBU. What rubbish. Complain.

Amateurish, I have heard of similar things happening before. It downright sucks and reinforces the image of fathers as second-class parents.

Luckily my GP is relatively enlightened and didn't ask me to provide consent from my DCs' mother when I took them for vaccinations. But was fully prepared to do the leapy-shouty thing if they had tried.