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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to be able to take DS to GP for vaccination without "letter of consent"

67 replies

Amateurish · 09/11/2011 08:06

So, DS is 1. DP and I are unmarried; we are the parents of DS. I am on birth certificate.

Apparently, I cannot take DS for vaccination at GP's surgery without a letter of consent from DP (his mother).

DP, on the other hand, does not require a letter of consent from me.

I am livid. AIBU?

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 09/11/2011 09:33

YANBU - no logic at all esp as your DP had taken him in for the first already.

Moominsarescary · 09/11/2011 09:34

Dp was asked for consent for ds3 to have the vitamin k injection after he was born, we are not married and dp didn't have pr as obviously the baby didn't have a birth certificate at the time

pantspantspants · 09/11/2011 09:34

It's not just GPs Hospital can be funny with this too. DD2 spent the first 18months in and out of hospital, we had a number of situations because DP was with DD, from nurses commenting she shouldn't be placing a canular without me present but as she knows us well she would this time. or DP rushing DD straight to paeds admissions without referral ( I had been instructed to do this and bypass GPs a number of times as she has a complex condition that needs treatment asap) they were close to refusing treatment until I arrived even though a number of staff could verify who he was and knew what I would many doing. apparently it was only because DD has DPs surname the locum doctor was willing to treat. DD and DP have a very common surname so really don't know what this proved.

DP now keeps our friends law firm card with him and asks them to discuss the matter direct with them. so far proved very affective when she fell ill while on holiday, suddenly had the top docs treating her.

SardineQueen · 09/11/2011 09:41

What? That's completely ridiculous. I would be kicking up a right fuss if I were you OP. Just unbelievable.

FWIW DH took ours for some of their jobs and no-one batted an eyelid so I think this is something to do with some surgeries rather than a national policy IYSWIM.

SardineQueen · 09/11/2011 09:42

JABS I am not sending them out to work (just yet)!

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 09/11/2011 14:18

I have made a complaint about a HV before who insisted on only seeing me for things like DS's 9 month check. Mind you, she also told my FIL, whom she is friends with, all of my business, and generally broke lots of confidentiality rules.

eurochick · 09/11/2011 15:01

eagle but that could apply equally the other way around (mum believes in vaccinations, father does not) and yet it seems their is no consent required from the father if the mother takes the child to be vaccinated.

eurochick · 09/11/2011 15:16

there not their!

Original poster
Amateurish · 09/11/2011 15:21

This is really pissing me off. I also had to get my DP's written consent to having the snip so it appears that in matters relating to my children and my reproductive system, my girlfriend has the final say Angry

OP posts:
worraliberty · 09/11/2011 15:23

OMG that's outrageous Shock

Do you live at the same address?

MamaGeekChic · 09/11/2011 15:25

I'm sure when DD had her first jags I had to sign something to say DP could take her for the others without me.... ie consent for her to have the rest of them.

blackoutthesun · 09/11/2011 15:26

thb i'm not suprised Sad

i had the hv ring up about dd and she refused to speak to dp (her father!), only wanted to speak to me

dp told the hv 'well it can't be that important if you can't speak to her father about my daughter' then hung up

hv then called back up to moan that we had missed an appt that we never even had! another screw up on their part!

op - complain, complain and complain!!!

StrandedBear · 09/11/2011 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MMMarmite · 09/11/2011 15:27

This is ridiculous! I'm glad to hear you're complaining.

We say we want men more involved with childcare, and then treat them as incapable of making decisions :(

HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 09/11/2011 15:29

My DBro was in the same boat and he was a SAHD, totally ridiculous and unfair.

RitaMorgan · 09/11/2011 15:32

It can't be legal to expect consent from a partner for an adult to have medical treatment/contraception?

DP has taken DS for all his vaccinations as I am needle phobic and was never questioned - they don't even have the same surname.

SacreLao · 09/11/2011 15:34

That is wrong, if you have parental responsibility you don't need a permission letter.

My partner (same-sex, not biological parent but has parental responsibility through adoption) took our children for their vaccines with no questions asked whatsoever.

I suspect wjoever told you that you need the letter is mis-informed.

StrandedBear · 09/11/2011 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 09/11/2011 15:53

What the hell? Do people really have to get permission from their partners for matters involving contraception? This is madness!

freddy05 · 09/11/2011 16:09

In the first few days after DD's were born I was asked to sign a form in their yellow book giving permission for jabs. this was all before they were registered so apparently DH couldn't do it but it did mean there was no question at all about him taking them for anything BUT when they wanted to send DD2 to hospital for slow weight gain at 8 weeks they wouldn't speak to him either it had to be me. They were left with no confusion about how i felt about that!!

Fathers rights are a joke!!

diddl · 09/11/2011 16:10

Surely it can´t be legal to make an adult get another adult´s consent re contraception?

I can see that sterilisation is perhaps a different matter.

If you´re married you both have PR & surely they have to trust either neither or both of you?

If you´re not married, is the father supposed to always carried proof that he has PRConfused

eaglewings · 09/11/2011 16:25

DH found it hard enough when the EPU phoned to give me test results about OUR baby and were not allowed to speak to him other than ask for me. They couldn't even tell him who was calling or why.

fedupofnamechanging · 09/11/2011 16:31

I can't for the life of me understand why a partner needs to be informed before a contraceptive implant is removed. What's the difference between getting an implant removed or ceasing to take a contraceptive pill? The surgery would not legally be allowed to ring up your partner to let them know you've stopped taking the pill - it would be a gross breach of confidentiality. Discussing an implant with a patients partner is the same thing and I think it is not legal to insist.

OP, if I were you, I would kick up a huge fuss. This cannot be legal.

RitaMorgan · 09/11/2011 16:31

StrandedBear - I think that's outrageous! I'd have kicked up a huge fuss.

Same with sterilisation - what if you had an abusive/controlling partner? No one else should have any say in an adult's medical decisions.

TheHappyCamper · 09/11/2011 17:39

I think it's outrageous OP and I hope you do make a complaint! We are living in 2011 FGS Shock

I just asked DH as he is a SAHD to our dd if he took her any jabs without me. He said "yes of course I did- you were at work". He said nobody questioned him or refused him anything and he would have been mortified if they had. We weren't married at that time either, although dd did have his surname. He has just the same rights as me.

He definitely thinks you should complain as this attitude is very outdated - there are going to be more and more SAHD around every year. What are they going to do, phone the DW/GF up at work every time? Ridiculous.

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