to wonder how I might cope without any antenatal classes

[dozyrosie]

I'm 28 weeks pg with dc 1. I have seen so many different community midwives because my regular midwife (who I've only seen once) is on long term sick leave. At my appointment today I asked when I would hear about my antenatal classes starting as they had not even been mentioned to me yet.
It seems that my paperwork for the classes has been lost or forgotten about. So I have not been booked in to the local NHS classes, she said that it would probably be to late to get me in to any but would see what she could do last minute. I should have probably kicked up more of a fuss there and then but her appointments were running an hour and a half late and I wasn't really sure what to say.
I've just looked in to local NCT classes and there are no spaces available for January or February due dates. Even if I could find a place on a private class I would struggle to afford it as it is not something I had budgeted for at all.
Did any of you have to go without antenatal classes? How did you manage without them if you were a first time mum? What would you do if you were me?

the only reason a NCT group would of helped me, as i didn't know about the Vitamin K injection/drops after birth making a decsion after giving birth about this was alittle scary at the time.

Oh yes. We got told not to wake our husbands up if we thought we were in labour, as we wouldn't be and it's not fair on them to be woken to listen to our moaning! And also, that it is dead important to pack snacks for the husbands in our bags, because they can get hungry, the poor darlings. So that must be quite a common theme AberdeenAngusina.

Never did an AN class at all. Tbf, this was a combination of having already been a birthing partner for a relative, so I knew the realities of what I could potentially expect, and I didn't want to be preached at. I've had two friends who had experiences like yours, spartafc, and I had no desire to sit through that horseshit!

I did NCT and think you get waay too much info. One whole session was debating the Vitamin K injection...it was too much. I think the only things you need to know about labour are (in my experience) :

It will really hurt - (girl in my NCT was genuinely shellshocked after her birth as she hadnt expected it to hurt) ...but its a copeable pain 99% of the time.

You will bleed a lot afterwards. My sis told me this as she is adament she did not know this before.

Lavender oil in your bath is excellent for healing.

Oh, and take ear plugs...you'll need them if you are on a busy ward.

Am jealous of you having your first dc OP!! ;)

We went to a one day (all day) NHS class and it was rubbish. DH had a suck on G&A but everything else I'd already found out on the internet/YouTube and MN . Nothing really about what the birth might be like, no video, just info on the stages of labour and pain relief. In fact nothing on how to look after the baby or anything of any real use.

If we have another DC, I'd probably try to get on a longer course where we might get to meet other parents but otherwise I wouldn't bother again.

I watched birth YouTube videos, googled or MNed everything else, including stuff to pack in your bag.

Good luck :)

I did NHS antenatal classes with my first - really enjoyed them.

Would have LOVED to have done NCT - I reckon I would have found them a lot of fun, because they're generally more discussion based than NHS ones, which are a bit more 'instructional'.

For me it wasn't about information. People are right when they say they can get what they need off the internet and from books. It was about having a chance to think and talk (face to face - not online!) about the labour and the baby with other people who were (hopefully) on the same wavelength as me.

Didnt do them but here are my words of wisdom:

crawl around on all fours as much as you can before the birth-helps your back, helps the baby get in the right position.

Get some tea tree oil in for the bath-great for stitches

Dont bother packing music for the labour-you wont listen to it!

Bring a sleep mask for the hospital-they turn the lights on and off all night.

Dont let them bully you.

I went to my local nhs classes, and while the classes themselves were utter garbage (knitted boob anyone?) I made some great friends! But there are plenty of ways of meeting new mums in this area!

Oh god - have just remembered why NCT classes were so useful....in the weeks after birth when you are in your new baby bubble, they are the ONLY people who will tolerate you wittering on about how many times you fed in the last hour, what that rash means, blah blah...because they are all doing it too.

That was definately worth the hundred quid or so for classes.... ;)

at AberdeenAngusina - I was talking to my DM today about this and told her about your post. She said that she made DF a meat and potato pie in the early stages of labour, so he was fine. However she did dislocate two of his fingers when it came to the push (I was 9lb and she did it on gas and air only). DM is certainly more tough than I think I will be. DP liked your idea of a packed lunch, DP can think again whilst going to buy me cake.
Anyway she said that the best thing about classes was tea and biscuits being told to sit on an inflatable swimming ring post birth.

Oh and...
Sidalee7 and northernwreck I'll get some oil and combine that with the swimming ring DM told me to use. And I'll definitely be needing the sleep mask and ear plugs as I'm a light sleeper.
DottyandSpottyWot a Knitted boob, seriously?!?!
spartafc sod that, DP already gets an elbow in the ribs woken and told to role over if he snores to much.

I'm enjoying the NCT classes. But after reading a few pregnancy books, it's more discussion than information you get out of it, and meeting a few people (as long as you're a fan of the yummy mummy brigade). It is also really helpful for my DH who hadn't read as much as me.

However, I could manage without. You don't even need to read a whole pregnancy book as many of the sections are problems that you would only read if they applied to you.

By the way it's your responsibility to sign up to classes, at least it is where I live - whether you go for NCT or free ones.

They were worse than useless. No loss at all for you IMO. Second time around we could have gone but chose not to bother.

Xmasbaby11 I'm not to sure I'd fit in with the yummy mummy brigade. Good point about being helpful for DP who has not read anything much either, I'm glad he is willing to go. The classes were supposed to be booked by the midwife but weren't, apparently quite a common occurrence where I live.

i was 19 when i had dd, went to antenatal classes, they didnt help at all if anything they made everything far worse for reasons such as..
watching the video of a lady giving birth scared the sht out of me and i went home and cried.

• The way the talked about it being natural and many thousands of women doing it without pain relief made me think i would cope fine and was in real shock when i hit hard labour.
• said things like, your house room temp must always be 37degrees
• a babys bath must always be 26.6 degrees so i would sit there with a thermometer in the bath etc etc i ran myself raggid trying to make sure i was doing everything antenatal class told me to, i created so much more work for myself from listening to them...

Believe me when you have your baby you will automatically no what to do, it will be scary sometimes, but advise is never far away :)

dozy - it doesn't matter whether you fit in with the yummy mummy brigade or not. In my experience, the only thing pregnant women have in common is that they're all up the duff. You don't suddenly morph into another sort of person and become part of some brigade by dint of being knocked up.

In hindsight, the best bits of advice I got from the NCT classes were...

Stay calm through labour. Easier said than tpdne, but the more relaxed you are, the 'easier' it will be.

Don't scream and shout too much when pushing, as it's a waste of energy. Concentrate on pushing instead. This made SUCH a difference for me.

Move around for contractions - don't lie on your back. If you've been induced or are being monitored, don't let them bully you and insist on being able to move around. Helps the pain loads.

Three days and £300 worth of classes and it can be summarised in 60 seconds... And the don't scream and shout advice was courtesy of my fab midwife with DC2, not even the NCT.

I didnt go to antenatal classes and none of my friends did. You dont need them and I dont really see the point in them tbh

Also my advice is get in a water pool you could then give birth to 50 elephants and it wont seem bad. Its amazing honestly

I wouldn't stress. I did the NCT classes and they were good but you can totally live without them.

I don't feel like I learnt anything about looking after the baby or breastfeeding that I didn't learn from reading books. Breastfeeding I learnt from the midwife at the hospital immediately after the birth.

I found reading up on labour and skills for coping the most useful thing. I read a book called "Birth Skills" which I liked.

and just to add my helpful tips:

1. Being in a bath during labour really helped. I spent about 2 hours in a bath

1. Take a stop watch to time contractions

1. Take some sweets for during labour. You won't feel like eating

1. Try and move around during labour.

1. It will hurt like hell but as someone above said for 99% of the time it's manageable. The other 1% of the time it's excrutiating.

1. Take some of those Boots big maternity pads for afterwards. I found them the best. I then moved to the Boots slim maternity pads after a few days. I would also recommend the Boots maternity sheets (for putting on your bed). These were good for using in the bathroom after giving birth because you bleed a lot.

There, just saved you couple hundred quid.

OK, the Boff guide to birth (I have done this four times).

1. Staying home is the least stressful and cleanest birthing option. However if you do decide to go into hospital, approach the planning as if you are going on a long haul flight - eye shades, ear plugs, spare change, parenting magazine, bar of chocolate for emergencies, mobile phone and charger, pashmina, own pillow, travel pack of top quality toiletries for morale purposes. It is very hot and noisy.

1. Whether at home or in hospital, you will need paracetemol for afterpains, lots of big pants, preferably Nutricare unbleached maternity pads, at least 3 nursing bras, some nursing pads, handful of muslins and some 'leisure wear' - i.e. pyjamas you would not mind strangers seeing you in. Privacy is not going to happen.

1. For the baby, you need a packet of newborn nappies, a packet of wipes, a tub of Sudocrem, 3 nighties (easier to change them at night or when very little in nighties), 3 vests and 3 spare at home, a babygro to go home in and 5 spare at home, and some sort of cardigan, with 2 spare at home. Hat, booties and scratch gloves are often advisable as well. Anything else you can buy later, but people often arrive with masses of presents and hand me downs. Plus you need a car seat and a sling or buggy. Baby can sleep in a carry cot, pram, cardboard box, moses basket or crib, depending on what you want to do. A changing mat is handy but you will get one free from Boots with the black changing bag. If not, use a big old towel. A bucket with a lid and lots of old carrier bags can be helpful for messy moments.

1. Make sure your washing machine is working and that you have some hypoallergenic soap powder in stock, eg Fairy, Filetti.

1. In terms of birth, warm water is a fantastic pain reliever and baths and birthing pools may make the difference between a straightforward natural birth and interventions. Staying upright helps things work well too, as does moving around.

1. It is painful but a productive kind of pain - every contraction means there is one less to go before the end result. It can actually feel rather invigorating at the same time as being painful.

1. Crowning is super painful but go with it. It is only a minute out of your life.

You will not die from the pain, and it is soon forgotten in general sense. Swearing helps a lot.

1. It is no good putting a TENS machine on for a few hours on the day and wondering why it isn't working. You need to practice with it and teach your body to respond to the TENS impulses during the final 3 weeks. Make sure you have a spare battery.

1. Make sure you are stitched up by someone who really knows what they are doing - most don't. Ask how many people they have successfully stitched up before, and whether they have been on a special course. Make a fuss if necessary.

1. Bran flakes, real coffee and lots of water help you wee and poo without too much pain afterwards. It is the only time in your life when weeing in the bath or shower is allowed, nay encouraged.

10. Breast feeding can be painful at first and it is not always because of a poor latch - nipples need toughening up. Always bring the baby to your chest - in contrast to bottlefeeding, where you direct the bottle forwards to the baby. If you are having trouble, breastfeeding lying back, reclining on pillows can help. There are lots of great books you can read in advance, including one called 'Bestfeeding' which is often recommended.

11. If you have a breast pump to hand, you can rest a sore nipple for 24 hours whilst avoiding mastitis. Mastitis is when your ducts get all blocked up and you get a fever because your milk is not flowing.

12. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Put a sign on the door to that effect to stop midwives waking you up with house calls.

13. Keep one room in the house tidy for when you want to see visitors without feeling you are sitting in a shit hole, let the rest go to pot.

14. Set up a mission control for daytimes - comfy chair, tissues, magazines, TV remote control, snacks, drinks, spare baby stuff, so you can stay in one place whilst getting to grips with breastfeeding.

15. Enslave your relatives and make them run around looking after you.

16. There will be lots of bodily fluids leaking for some weeks - norks, fanjo, tears of happiness and depression, etc. This is normal. By 6-12 weeks hopefully you will resemble a human being again - if not, see GP.

17. If you because exhausted and feel angry at the baby, it is fine to leave him/her in the cot crying and walk off for 15 minutes to have a nice cuppa tea. We all do this. It does not make you a bad parent. But if this happens all too often and doesn't work, and you feel out of control, seek help from GP.

18. It is good to do the postnatal exercises on the sheet they give you,and it is also good to go for daily walk with the baby in a buggy or whatever from Day 10 onwards.

I am sure everyone else will tell me if I have forgotten anything!

Where I am they dont have antenatal classes. We had a one day lecture thing that told us practicle stuff like pain relief options, where to park the car, but there wasn't any of the breathing or talk about positions like I was expecting. The midwife talked me through labour and it was fine. I'd say having my appendix out when I was 13 was worse.

Pain relief options:

1. Birthing pool. Pros - basic, comfy, does not harm baby. Cons - Not all hospitals have enough of them.
2. Gas and air. Pros - some people swear by it. Cons - sometimes it is hard to synch it with contractions properly and then it doesn't work. Makes some people feel sick.
3. Pethidine. Pros - some sort of relaxant. Cons - might make you feel out of it, baby might be doped, gives some people headaches.
4. TENS. Pros - simple, easy, can take it off at any time. Cons - does not work for some people. Cannot wear machine in birthing pool.
5. Epidural. Pros - very effective most of the time. Cons - might not be available as it needs anaesthetist available, plus a midwife has to sit with you the whole time after you have had it, possibility of some after effects and intervention, restricts movement.

Possible interventions:

1. Cervical sweep. Pros - helps speed up beginning of labour. Cons - doesn't always do anything, a bit uncomfortable.
2. Pessaries, used to begin contractions. Pros - might start labour. Cons - May end up making labour more painful.
3. Syntocinon drip. Pros - speeds up labour. Cons - May make it violent and painful and lead to a sense of having lost control.
4. Ventouse. Pros - hoovers baby out quickly at the end of labour. Cons - baby may end up with temporary lump on top of head; people rummaging about in you; possible fanjo damage.
5. Forceps - Pros - shields baby's head and guides it out of fanjo guickly at end of labour, good for big babies or those who have got stuck. Cons - possible fanjo damage.
6. Planned caesarian section, planned ahead of labour, uses epidural. Pros - protect vulnerable babies and fanjos. Cons - longer recovery period, baby does not have benefit of labour hormones, which may be beneficial.
7. Emergency caesarian section, organised in a hurry during labour, uses epidural. Pros - saves lives. Cons - as above but baby does get some labour hormones.
8. Crash caesarian section, rapid, instant operation, uses general anaesthetic a lot of the time. Pros - Life and death situation. Cons - recovery from both general anaesthetic and caesarian section afterwards.

My NCT classes were pointless. All I got out of them were a few nice friends. I used the Natal Hypnotherapy CDs to learn how to control pain during contractions and the birth and read loads of books - the books and CDs got me through the birth to be honest.

My top tip, be prepared for the unexpected . I got through the first 18 hours of my labour using techniques I'd learned through a birthing hypnosis CD and books on natural birth (I was in a birthing pool much of the time). But then ended up with an emergency epidural and c-section for the next.