Babies and children at funerals

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

Ok, not an AIBU but a quick question and want honest answers...

What are your opinions on babies and children at funerals? DS is one, and I may not be able to get childcare for him to attend. Is it the done thing to not go for this reason, or should I take him?
It is for a relative of DH, so he wants me to go to support him.
Obviously he is going to see what his family say too, but what is the general consensus here?

Take him - if he starts crying then take him out. My cousin brought her baby to my Dad's funeral and refused to take her out when she cried and cried. My Mum was really upset.

Take him and take him out if he's unsettled. I very strongly believe that babies and children have a place at funerals. We took dd2 to a memorial service for one of our friends. She was 5 months and was very good. Not a squeak from her, just a bit of cooing and gooing iykwim. At the wake afterwards our friend's sister said how please she was we had bought her and how much it had comforted her hearing the little, gentle baby noises. (Dh was doing a reading so was sitting near the front and she was right in front of us)Obviously if she had cried I would have taken her out.

It depends on the funeral and what the main mourners want.

I would always want to take my dc to a funeral I wished to attend but I would hesitate if those closest to the deceased didn't really like the idea of children attending.

I took the baby to one a few weeks ago, he was one last month, we sat at the back and fed him raisins.

Perfectly ok I think. It's part of life.

I took my DD to a funeral when she was 7 or 8 months old. They are too young to understand and no one had a problem with the babies being there (a friend took one the same age). Neither kicked up a fuss during proceedings, but you should probably take the baby outside if he does start crying a lot.

As long as you sit at the back and take him out the minute he even whimpers then OK - but in that situation, how much of a support would you be to DH.

Take him if he's welcome and obviously take him out if he starts crying

Oh, 'take him out' sounds a bit "Gangsta" but I'm sure you know what I mean

as a general rule I say take babies and children if it was a normal-ish death (rellie dying of old age etc). Particularly tragic or violent deaths are different

We took DD1 to her great-grandfather's funeral when she was 8mo. She was an angel throughout and gave my Grandmother something else to think about.

Just take him along and take plenty of distractions.

I always think there is something nice (in a circle of life sort of way) about children at funerals. Agree if he starts crying etc take him out and check DH's family are ok, but generally I find them a comfort a funerals.

So long as those closest are ok with it, I really do not see a problem. As others have said, if your baby cries or starts to get noisy, then take him out and calm him down. Both of my DDs (then 1 year and 3.6 years) came to DH's funeral. It was the most comforting and natural thing in the world to have them there. And they both behaved perfectly

If it's a family funeral, take your DC. As others have said, if there's a whimper, take him out and return when calmed down. In this weather, make sure he's warm because churches and crematoria can be cold.

Take your camera. If it were my funeral, I would like family pictures with babies because they could look at them when they are older and realise who this is, who that is, oh, look that's ..... 'This' and 'that' might not be around when they are older but your DC will know that he's met them.

I've never ever seen anyone taking photos at a funeral, and would find that extremely odd!

I see the logic re the camera, as it is unlikely DS will meet distant older relatives as most younger members are either married or nowhere near getting married, but not sure I could do it!

Thanks for your views by the way everyone. I know if it were my family, I wouldnt think twice about taking him, same for any close DH family. Just not sure for this as I'd only met him a handful of times.

I agree with Catgirl. Babies at funerals are a reminder of life.

But also agree that it might not be appropriate in all contexts - as previous posters have said.

I commend you for worrying about it and not making assumptions.

Grovel I learnt that lesson at a wedding!!

Perfectly fine if you take them outside at first sign of any noise. And if you don't expect bereaved to coo over your baby or DCs. I know people have said DCs can lighten a funeral. But when a close friend died very suddenly recently I was far too upset to make small talk or have my mood lightened.

Very sadly, this year my husbands close brother commit suicide - was an awful and sudden shock for the family as he was so 'happy'.
My girls were 5,3,1,1 and 1 (very nearly 2) - it was such a hard time even trying to explain this death to our daughters - husband found it very hard to cope, and it was difficult as my eldest 2 just couldn't understand as family were saying he wasn't ill etc etc.
We felt it was inappropriate to take them; yes we were 'celebrating' BIL's life, but not in the 'normal' way..
Husbands family were obviously devastated and found it hard to cope, as did DH; it was all still very raw.
DH asked his family whether they thought we should bring DD's and they said that it was up to us.
Im glad that we didn't take them as the funeral was very upsetting - DH, BIL2 and FIL all did readings and all could not finish as were sobbing.. I wouldn't have wanted my DD's seeing that :(
In 'normal' circumstances I would probably have taken DD's, providing that I think they would sit nicely - at BIL's funeral, DH certainly couldn't have helped if they were messing around or had to go out.
Completely up to you whether you take your DC's

My brother took his daughter to our grandfathers funeral and she was about 1 at the time maybe a little older as she was getting vocal. she sat at the back with her mum so could be taken out if she needed to be. As it happened in the middle of one of the readings my father was starting to break down and out she comes with a really loud gabble gabble blah blah goo goo gooo then laughed. Everyone smiled, it broke up a very tough moment and my grandfather adored her, he would have been smiling if he's up there watching down.

I think it's fine as long as you are able to take LO out if they cry or become very loud.

I'm sorry for your DH's loss, OP.

Am wondering the same thing, OP. DH's lovely mum, my very dear and wonderful MIL, died yesterday. Totally unexpected. My parents are the only option we have to look after our children (20months and 5yrs), but they want to attend the funeral too. Don't know what to do as I need to support DH, but definitely won't be able to do that with the children there. Plus, I'm worried about DD (5yrs).

Anyway, not very helpful, but will read all the posts now.

I agree with the majority, check with the deceaseds closet relative, but definately take him out the minute he starts being disruptive. At my Grandfather ILs funeral a couple of years ago I took DS1, who was almost 5. I left DS2 (2.8) with my Mum, but took him to the gathering afterwards. SIL insisted on taking her DS1 (2.3) who spent the entire service either screaming to be allowed to run around, or shouting at the top of his lungs that there were flowers. I for one found this V. disruptive, and DP (who had arranged most of the funeral etc) was fuming. When my Grandma passed away, my Grandad banned all children from the service. My DS1 who was 5 1/2 was really upset that he couldn't come, but I had to respect Grandad's wishes.