in wanting to get the "Santa" conversation over with DS aged 10

[kate2mum]

DS is 10. We are big Christmas people. Yes, we leave Santa's footprints in the snow. Yes, Santas hat is found high up in tree in the garden on Xmas morning. Yes, we sneak around in the dark in our own house at 2am on xmas eve.

He specifically asked me the other day if Santa was real. I was of course in the middle of getting dinner ready, baby sisters (both of them) fractious, etc. So I fobbed him off. But I don't want some sort of horrid playground letdown for him.

I think it is time to tell him (and promise never to tell his sisters). But I want to do it in a good way (ie, not while harrassed and put in such a way that he feels we have lied to him HIS WHOLE LIFE (!).

I want to use the opportunity more as a way of explaining belief, hope, trust, etc, human capacity for kindness. Haven't quite formulated this properly yet, as you can tell. And a big ask during teatime meltdowns!!

I was wondering if anyone else has had this conversation, and found a way to make it a positive thing for their child (ie, dd or ds not crumpled in the corner in abject disappoint).

I do kind of feel getting this right is a big deal because it marks the end of that part of his childhood (thank god for his little sisters or I would be weeping right now!).

Next time he asks, ask what he thinks.

Don't do it! He will discover in his own time on his own. Just say "of course he's real!" with a sparkle in your eye. Keep the magic alive.

Dd is older than your ds but we recently had the 'talk'.

I have explained that we buy the presents but Santa brings the magic.

Do children of 10 seriously believe in Father Christmas?

I've got a DS (12) and a DD(9).
I remember DS 'knowing' that FC wasn't real and asking him not to spoil it for his sister and just play along. He would've been about 6 IIRC.

Children are more sophisticated.I think any child who does still believe in FC -as in really believe- not just playing along to keep Christmas Traditions alive - needs a wake up call.
Otherwise the other children in the class would rip them mercilessly!

At 10 I expect he knows already but is humouring you as you make such an effort at Christmas :)

I don't I'd have a specific conversation about it. Why spoil the fun even if he's only pretending?

DD is 10 and she believes in Santa; this is despite me being really bad at hiding presents/keeping up a pretence etc.

I can remember girls in my class at school being adamant that there was a Santa at 10. They had heard the sleigh bells on the roof etc.

so I don't think there is anything unusual about still believing at 10. Plenty of adults believe in elves, fairies, homeopathy etc.

I think my DM would have thought I believed in FC at age 10. I didn't though I just enjoyed the pretence.

YABU. I don't think that there is any need to tell your DC that it is not true.

I like Thatlldopig's proposal!

i second the ask what "he" thinks. Also good to trot out "well if you don't believe there won't be any presents." I think you do need to make sure they do know the truth by the time they go to secondary school though.

My son was 10.5 this time last year, and still believed in Santa. I didn't want to tell him the truth so close to Xmas so left it until the end of January. I thought before I told him that he must have been pretending to believe to keep the magic going - but he actually cried when I told him! If you can keep it going with your DS for another few weeks do it - its definately not the same this year now he knows theres no Santa!

lordoftheflies "I think any child who does still believe in FC -as in really believe- not just playing along to keep Christmas Traditions alive - needs a wake up call."

If you told your 6 year old that Santa didnt exist fine for you, I find your post about chidlren still believing "needing a wake up call" rather horrible really. Yes chidlren do still really believe - I know my DS whos 9 certainly does. He doesnt need a wake up call thanks.

Haven't had the experience of telling my own children yet, but I do remember working it out for myself. I asked my parents several times if he was real and they said of course he is! I was so pleased, and have always been so grateful, that they enabled me to go on believing for a little longer without bursting my lovely Santa bubble, even though I must have had inklings that he wasn't. Eventually, of course, in my own good time I worked out for myself that he wasn't real and simply informed my parents that it had been them all along. My best friend had been telling me for ages that her parents had confirmed that Santa wasn't real, but I was happy to tell her that she was wrong until the point where I was ready to accept it for myself.

It's impossible to know what's for the best - some children my feel upset that they were lied to, others will be grateful that you allowed the fantasy to carry on as long as possible. I say he will work it out for himself in due course but no need to tell him in the meantime.

He probably knows. Mine knew before they let on though, partly to humour me, partly because they were worried there would be no presents after they admitted they didn't believe, and partly because it's fun.

I would go with asking what he thinks if he asks again, but then turn it round into a big grown up responsibility to keep the secret. They now enjoy knowing but hiding it from their half sister.

You will always get some nasty child in the playground that will spoil it for others - and I expect this is what has happened. I think you have to have the talk, but make it a half-and-half talk i.e. parents gets the presents but Santa is magic and delivers them (he will work it out for himself that Santa can't get all the presents for all the children in the world on one tiny sleigh).

My DS is almost 14. We have never had the conversation.

Now I dont for one minute think that he still believes but he did up until a few years ago. I still hide all his presents and wrap some of them in special paper from Father Christmas, but that is more for the benefit of my 6 year old.

I'm impressed that he still believes at 10, or is at least still playing along! My two older children don't believe any longer, they are 11 and 9. The 11 year old hasn't for quite a while, but played along for a few years. I've never encountered the idea of resentment at the lie, I think you are worrying too much because you have always put so much effort into it. Children by that age understand the difference between a malicious lie and fun.

My 6 year old dts asked the other week. It was quite funny listening to their debate.
dt1 'He must be real cos all the presents all come in ONE night'
dt2 'but the mums and dads do that'
dt1 'but what about the reindeer, where do they go? And we saw him at the BT tower'
dt2 'err yeah. and the the elves, what would they do?'

It went on for quite some time, and I stayed out of it!

I remember my Mum saying I found out around 10, I wasn't too dissapointed.

I think you should let him figure it out for himself. BTW, I love what you do re: the footprints, etc! We fully intend to do the same once both DC's are old enough to appreciate it!

Have DCs aged 14, 12 and 10. Have never said "of course he's real" to them at any point in their lives, but have some how turned it back to them to ask them what they really think if I've been questioned. As soon as they have started to have any doubts, we've turned that round to get them "in on the act" for the younger siblings, and latterly for younger cousins, without specifically saying "he does not exist". I think children need to find out for themselves. I'm sure all children at some stage would question the practicalities of the enormous feat Santa has ahead of him every Christmas Eve.

I can't remember ever truly believing myself. Partly because we didn't have a chimney and my mum's suggestion that Santa had a magic key to let himself in seemed to be stretching it all a bit far.

I'm fed up of everyone saying that Santa isn't real. Stop spreading the vicious rumour.

We haven't had the Santa talk but the Tooth Fairy with 10yo Dd a few weeks ago. I just told her I believed and it was upto her - but that clearly if she thinks there is no tooth fairy then the tooth fairy can't leave anything...

She has already written her letter to Santa and shouted up the chimney to him

I blame Littlewoods.

DS 'does Santa really exist and bring me presents?'
Me 'Hmm lets look at the evidence, who do you think would be most likely to be generous enough to fill a pillowcase with presents for you, me and dad or Santa?'
DS 'well as you put it that way it must be Santa'
wtf!
he went on to believe for another year.

PS Once I found out, I was allowed to 'help' being Santa for my little sisters - I felt very proud and important. Santa still brought a stocking for me too, until I was about 35 in fact when I had my own daughter and decided it might be time to relinquish the whole stocking thing (we still go to my parents for Christmas). In my 20's I would do thinkgs like leave a note for Santa saying 'I didn't want you to get too drunk on sherry so here's a glass of water' and I put neat gin in the glass - nearly killed my poor Dad with the shock! Or I would leave trails of biscuits leading from the fireplace to the bedrooms - Dad would always join in, leaving a trail of wrappers for us to find in the morning. One time I commented that there had been 7 carrots in the fridge before I left 1 out for Rudolph, but the following morning there were still 7 in the fridge. The following year, Rudolph ate his carrot VERY messily, with teeth marks all over the carrot end which was left. The fun CAN continue for many, many years you know!!!

Ds2 is just stopping believing and he's 11. I'm am rather woo though so there's no hope for my boys

This is an explanation for your kids in this blog, maybe a bit cheesy, but might be worth a look.

www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa