To insist MIL & FIL stay in a hotel if they want to come for Xmas?

[carocaro]

Me and DH had massive bust up with his Mum and Father in Law last Xmas. They have not spoken to me since and DH has spoken to his Mum a few times. No apology, nothing, it was hideous and not our fault to cut a long story short.

They now say they would like to come for Xmas and I think NOOOOOOO.

Many many reasons why eg: DS's would have to share a bedroom, bathroom a state and needs redoing which we all have to share, they sit there and do not lift a finger, don't buy any food or drink, we have to eat when they want too. His Mum is really fussy everything has to be organic and she talks non stop all the time, even with food in her mouth and I mean all the time, she even talked to me though the loo door list year whilst I was having a number 2; it's exhausting. And we can't afford all the extra. It's a big hassle normally let alone when they were so badly behaved last year.

I think a hotel (which they can afford) would be a good compromise, they have a nice Xmas lunch, see the children etc etc but we are not in each others faces and on top of one another.

DH thinks it's a bit odd. AIBU?

We want to know about the pie!

We want to know about the pie!

She sounds unhinged at best.

Earlier poster may well be right re mental illness.

Don't let her ruin your xmas or scare your kids

One more time

We want to know about the pie!

You could always invite them for Christmas lunch and then when they turn up tell them you've already eaten and they can't come in .

Or just tell them that after all the fuss you want a gradual reintroduction of them back into your family life, but Christmas is not the time for that and you will organise something next year.

Not a fucking prayer would they be coming at Christmas.

Bumping for pie :o

I´d say no tbh.

But if you do have them for dinner, I´d cook what you want.

All MIL "has to have" is what you are kind enough to give her tbh.

I wouldn´t have them stay either-aounds as if they need somewhere to argue.

Or, let them come a couple of days after Christmas.

Moi aussi.
God, I am gripped

Stuff like this makes me feel very mentally balanced.

What is the pie? Where did it come from?

I blame having to live through similar family dramas at Christmas when I was a kid for my general hatred of Christmas now I am fully grown and for the fact that the mere mention of a family Christmas brings me out in a cold sweat. I had years of spending Christmas walking on eggshells waiting for the next argument as a child, first with my nan and then my elder brother who was something of a nightmare. Having to then go back to school and hear about all my friends having amazing times where nobody shouted at anyone or stormed off, or threw anything just made it worse.

Really it was such a relief when my parents realised that we could all just about get on as a family provided we didn't have to all be in the same room at the same time trying to be jolly and christmassy.

As others have suggested I would say no to them coming over at Xmas, it will be horrid for you all including your poor children, and stick to seeing them at more neutral times. If need be tell them you are all leaving the country for the week.

Are there any further details yet re Piegate?

Mog

'They have always been hard work, I can say tht over the past ten years we have been subject to their rows and odd behavior many times, once step FIL spent the night alone in the dark on Dartmoor after a row about a blackberry pie!'

Post of 10:49 pm tonight.

HTH

Oh I love the protective supportive arms of MN, I am weeping with the replies, thank you so much.

And I have never thought about mental illness, now I do, it does fit somewhat. DH has admitted that his Mum has always been like this to a degree, I have been with DH for 22 years and she has got steadily worse and worse, but now we have children, putting up with crazy behavior has become a no no.

DH also said that A - he never had said much about it as she goes off on one when he does and B - he's so used to it, it all just washes over him unnoticed, but our children are our number 1 priotiry and he does not want them subject to that. And C - that behavior of that kind is not fucking normal!!!

With regards to the pie, we'd had a fab day picking blackberries, they first bickered about the pastry and how to rool it out (tension starts) then they argued about how much sugar to add (more tension) which spilled over into dinner about the 'dry chicken' then into an argument about the pie and how long to cook it for. MIL went mental about why she should have to pick blackberries in the first place like a peasant and why could she have not just bought one (we were making a pie as it was supposed to fun for the children!), so he humped off and we did not see him till morning, when he did not speak and went upstairs, we then came home.

They also had a blazing once about which glass SFIL should have his beer in!!

I feel sad, protective and annoyed with DH, so am sticking to my guns, dicussions and air clearing before hand, hotel at xmas, food on our terms or nout OR a neutral venue in Jan/Feb.

I am really hoping I don't turn into a mad old bad and my two DS's future wives are not on MN in 20 years writing about me!!

Thank you again my partners-in-sense!

In StepFIL defense I would fook off onto Dartmoor with that barrage of crazy, but he is a bad sometimes. She is kind and caring and supportive in the past, but this just overshadowed by the constant pressure cooker of tension. Step FIL is also great sometimes and bought us all pantomine tickets last year and we all had such a lovely afternoon, then BOOM a huge pile of crapola decends.

OMG I´m sure I shouldn´t be laughing at piegate, but I am!

I also see that things can build up & I have in the past been guilty of exploding at the final straw iyswim.

But adults arguing over baking a pie-whoever is doing the baking has the final say-unless they are about to do something obviously wrong, I would have thought.

"they first bickered about the pastry and how to rool it out (tension starts) then they argued about how much sugar to add (more tension) which spilled over into dinner about the 'dry chicken' then into an argument about the pie and how long to cook it for. MIL went mental about why she should have to pick blackberries in the first place like a peasant"

That is so funny.

OP-write a book?

Good idea about meeting somewhere neutral in January. Christmas can be too emotive. Much better to have an enjoyable peaceful Christmas, then meet the in-laws in Jan.

But if they do come, you know what to give them for pudding

How old is she? She couldn't be developing Alzheimer's could she?

Totally NBU to tell them to bog off and stay in a hotel.

I can sympathise on the potty in-laws front - I shudder with the memory of the tea-towel row that resulted in a seven month silence.

Mog

Caro YANBU you are being more than generous.

Defintely being very generous considering, but lovely that you would try this for your DH's sake.
'Peasant' blackberry pie for pudding on Christmas day would be very tempting

Am stifling laughter at replies, blackberry pud all round, can you imagine! DH next to me on the sofa no idea about this thread.

And I really need to know about the seven month tea towel silence! make me feel better please!!!

I also wish to know about how a tea towel can cause a 7 month row...

Please regale me with your loon parents/in-laws mine are either stupid, nasty or both and I would rather like loons instead please.

MustKnowAboutTheTeaTowelTiggaxx

7 months over a tea towel?
I do know a couple that left meat pie leftovers on the living room floor for a week as they argued over who should clear it away.
Also a couple that threw date slice and custard at each other when they argued during dessert and both refused to clean the kitchen. Their daughter ending up doing it after 3 days!

My questions for your DH would be: do you believe that by desiring a normal Christmas, you can make it happen? Has that worked before? Have you ever had a 'normal' Christmas with these people? What has happened over the last 12 months to make you think your parents' behaviour will be altered from the last time you saw them? If being in the next house to your parents made you so angry you would rather spend new year's eve on the motorway without petrol than be with them, what is it about them being in your space, with nowhere else to escape to, on what mental health charities call the most stressful day of the year, that makes you think things will end any better?

These are all variants on the same question... but really i think the focus here should be on your DH, bless him for wanting his parents to be normal but clearly they are not and wishing them so will not work. he needs a new long-term strategy for dealing with them and you shouldn't be supporting him in sticking his head in the sand.