To insist MIL & FIL stay in a hotel if they want to come for Xmas?

[carocaro]

Me and DH had massive bust up with his Mum and Father in Law last Xmas. They have not spoken to me since and DH has spoken to his Mum a few times. No apology, nothing, it was hideous and not our fault to cut a long story short.

They now say they would like to come for Xmas and I think NOOOOOOO.

Many many reasons why eg: DS's would have to share a bedroom, bathroom a state and needs redoing which we all have to share, they sit there and do not lift a finger, don't buy any food or drink, we have to eat when they want too. His Mum is really fussy everything has to be organic and she talks non stop all the time, even with food in her mouth and I mean all the time, she even talked to me though the loo door list year whilst I was having a number 2; it's exhausting. And we can't afford all the extra. It's a big hassle normally let alone when they were so badly behaved last year.

I think a hotel (which they can afford) would be a good compromise, they have a nice Xmas lunch, see the children etc etc but we are not in each others faces and on top of one another.

DH thinks it's a bit odd. AIBU?

They haven't spoken to you all year but want to come for Christmas?
I don't think so...

Hope you havent already agreed.

YANBU, it's a great idea. Tell DH it's either this, or you all go on holiday for Christmas.

YANBU I wouldn't have anyone to stay if they'd not spoken to me all year.

Say no.
It's outrageous that they think it's ok not to speak to you and then just ask to come for christmas.

A few sandwiches short of a picnic methinks.

I really need ALL the details of last year's difficulty.

I would insist they stay in a hotel - at least 100 miles away from me if they haven't spoken to me for a year!
How awkward is it going to be???!

After a year of silence thay would be lucky to get a Christmas card form me. Dh should also make it clear to them why they should go into a hotel

I wouldn't have them over at all, but if you are going to be generous and allow them to come for dinner, then having them stay at a hotel is the best compromise.

Tell DH it's that, or nothing.

YANBU for them not to stay with you, but I think a far better compromise would be to invite them for Xmas lunch, after all its only one meal & isn't that whatt Xmas should be about - families - they are your DHs parents & DCs GPs after all so for their sake compromising over one meal shouldn't be too much trouble for you all.

my own MIL can be a pain in her own way - she too dictates eating times, follows me around like a lap dog & talks incessantly, she also threw a wobbly last year when she realised we'd been feeding her tuna - which she doesn't eat - she's eaten it without complaint for several years previously - being cantankerous etc is an elderly person thing, it will no doubt come to you too & your DCs will have you to deal with - so maybe teaching them a valuable lesson in patience with the elderly, by example would be no bad thing for your future too

I have very similiar in laws and had a similiar situation.

How dare they expect to come for Christmas under the circumstances?!

You and your husband are a team and the team decision should be no. They can't just drop you then pick you up when it suits or possibly maybe more to the point looks better in their friends eyes tht you are familyiing with 'the family'??

I would say "I'm sorry but after last year I don't think it's either fair or appropriate - Christmas is a special time for the children and the atmosphere would be too upsetting for me and my husband".

YANBU, but only let them come for lunch.
And yes, we need the gory details of last year.

YANBU, I'd be in the camp of telling them to get lost after a year of silence.

I agree - gory details required, spice up our Monday afternoon before the school run!

I would tell them no it is your parents turn this year

I wouldn't have them at all tbh.

Rude and tight to turn up empty handed at Xmas let alone all the other stuff.

Why would you have anyone in your house who doesn't talk to you

are you aware how crazy that sounds????

Just say "NO" - you don't deserve to be treated like this

Why does your DH think it's a bit odd for them to stay in a hotel? Isn't the much, much odder thing the fact that haven't spoken to you all year but expect to be asked for Christmas (presumably to 'keep up appearances' for their benefit)?

Seriously, I'd be expecting a bit more from DH.

No way would someone who has yet to speak to me be coming to my house as a guest for christmas.

I think your compromise is VERY VERY reasonable. If they are rude and continue not to speak with you then you are well within reason to say "on your bike", when they try to freeload ask again next year

In view of what happened last Christmas, I would not be inclined to risk it again. Simply say that you have plans already made.

If you have to see them, do it on neutral territory, in public, and at a time of year that is not so emotionally charged, so that you can leave whenever you like.

I don't think you owe them anything after the way they have behaved.

Have you spoken to your dh yet caro?

DH has spoken to his Mum a few time

What would your Dh like?

I'm impressed - they haven't spoken to you all year and you still intend to cook for them at Christmas. You are a much better DIL than I am.

They sound like a pair of shameless freeloaders. Defnitely say no.

YANBU! I'd put my foot down and say I'd made other plans.