As you get older, is it normal to find your mum increasingly irritating?

[makeminealeosayer]

I do mine. She is baby boomer age. She used to be very easy going, laid back, open minded. Now she is very DM in views, moans about immigrants, generally uptight and of a curtain-twitcher mentality. Anybody else found this?

No not at all. Never had an easy relationship with her and I always saw her as negative yet sInce having children my respect for her has gone through the roof. Think having the worry of children changes you for ever. I wish I spent more time telling her how brilliant she was.

Then again I think my Mother would no better to come out with any DM utterances.

Oh yes definitely more annoying. My mother is 74 and in good health ( she had breast cancer 5 years ago but clear now ). We've always got on very well, but I live 60 miles away now and we aren't as close.

I am busy working with a young family and I don't give her the time she'd like. So I find her a bit whiney, tbh, like the DC. I definitely don't see her as a parent any more, I see her as someone else who needs my attention, and that is irritating in itself.

Its very mean, I know. I'd never admit it to her.

Oh I have a gripe - I an a single parent and I bath 3 kids , do milk, put them to bed, settle them, bath myself, wash my hair and eat my tea every night between 6-8pm so I POLITELY ASK her not to ring between 6-8pm ... 7pm on the DOT and always to the landline which is an old phone with a very very loud ring - and it rings and rings and rings ...

I unplug it now!

Just one example f how she has got a leeeeetle unreasonable in her dotage

I feel extra mean Taffeta because my Mum has had to fight off breast cancer in recent years too. Am so pleased for her and relieved that things are looking up there now.

But the stuff that annoys me has always been there. Basically not really listening to us. Drives DH absolutely bonkers too. Good point someone made that it's slightly easier to forgive now we can blame it on being elderly, even if that has little to do with it in reality

Oh YANBU

Love my mum to pieces, but am driven mad by her tendency to respond to any attempt to get her to deal with the untenable financial situation she's in with the comment 'I'm old - don't upset me', followed by a grim faced sulk if you don't take the hint and shut-up.

Actually she uses this to silence opposition to her bigoted views on homosexuality ('that Peter Tatchell - serve him right for getting beaten up. Gays shouldn't draw attention to themselves!')

And her curtain twitching and looooong, boring stories about the neighbour's daughter-in-law's brother's wife's family's dog's sister's neighbour.

And the fact that every time I phone her she gives me a blow by blow account of exactly what she's done so far that day: "Well I got up at 7 because the dogs were barking, and I had a LOVELY egg for breakfast. Big Aud dropped in at 9. Did I tell you about her neighbour's daughter-in-law's brother's wife's family's dog's sister's neighbour? Well, anyway, I'm just having a spot of lunch: I made a couple of egg sandwiches and a bowl of soup. A bowl of soup makes a nice lunch doesn't it? And egg sandwiches are LOVELY. Now, what was I saying about Audrey? Oh yes......'

I'd miss her if she wasn't here though. She's a lovely mum.

Mind you, my mum's not a patch on my FIL who's 79 and a complete menace. Every time I see him he asks me when I'm going to give him another grandchild. Every time. And I see my inlaws at least once or twice a week. And I'm 45 and have three children already. Also constantly makes unsavoury jokes about me and DH's sex life. He's obsessed. DH said to me the other day 'I wonder if dad's a bit senile'. I had to stifle my guffaws in my pillow.

My mum was lovely, but things she did used to really annoy me.

I am 52.

I am turning into my mother.

I now annoy the hell out of myself

Great post shagmundfreud especially about your Mum - very entertaining & I'm sure there's many of us feel a bit like you

I am blessed that my Mum is very, very easy but the general themes that we all seem to recognise in their generation fit MIL to a tee. Weirdly enough, and though I generally loathe her, this thread has made me feel a little more compassion to her won't last. Off to ponder.

LaPruneDeMaTante your post hits the nail bang on the head with what irritates me about my mum. She is constantly putting words in my mouth which insinuate I am uncaring or bored of her etc. If she's only be honest .

And those of you talking about mothers in their 50's crikey! I am 49 and can also hear myself turning into my mother.

That would be my dad for most of the above. Don't get me started.

I love my mum to bits she in wonderful and it makes me so sad to see her grow old and start to have aches and pains, forget easily, lose her eyesight and all that. :(

Anyone here have dog issues with their mother?

My mum has had a series of hideously dysfunctional rescue terriers, who she then makes even more dysfunctional by treating them like people.

She cuts her eyes at me and makes disapproving noises if I move her stinky old terrier off the recliner. And lets them lick the plates after we've finished eating. [boak]

The same nasty terrier leaps on the children if they're foolish enough to bend down in the vicinity, and humps them frantically. Mum just laughs, says the poor animal is 'confused'. I think she suspects the children of leading it on...

When she comes in from outside both dogs bark frantically and jump all over her (and any other poor bugger coming through the front door). When this happens (about 10 times a day) she immediately goes to the cupboard and gets a biscuit to reward distract them. So they keep doing it.

One of the dogs sleeps IN her bed and wakes her up in the morning by licking her feet. [double boak].

Or is it that I've got a touch of sibling rivalry.

my mother is dead. I annoy my children already.

yes, I do, see earlier post in thread. And I have a dog, I like dogs. But I do not think said dog should be allowed to eat off children's plates. I do not think my children should have to get up at 6 to take a dog for a walk before school on the 2 days I work (my Mum does) (hasten to add, for dog lovers the dog does get walked and let out in the day). I do not think I should have to ignore the fact mothers vile dog nipped (her words) DS1 and left him sobbing even though he isnt an easy crier. And finally, do NOT think my children should have to sit on my knee in the car because her dog cannot be put in the boot of a Volvo estate. Thats how it works with my Mum and the dog love

That'll be me with the dogs and the skewed priorities now in about 20 years time.

ggirl - it is infuriating, isn't it?

I just had an email from MIL in reply to one I sent about something distressing to me (an illness). Her reply was to say that I clearly meant for her not to write and tell me why she thought it had recurred so she would shut up immediately

She turned something that could only be about me, into something about her! And made me look like I was telling her to back off. It is absolutely RAGE inducing!

This is my mum too. Does your mum have a per una addiction too?

Oh, mums.....

What can I say but that she is 90 now, has alzheimers, is in a home and I still feel I am being controlled by her.....(visiting all the time....).

The good thing is that anything I tell her she forgets.

The last time I spoke to my Mum on the phone, she was doing her usual, going on and on and on, and repeating the same story over and over and over. That was a Thursday evening.....it was so bad that I avoided visiting them at the weekend. On the Monday morning, she dropped dead. No warning, no illness, nothing. So, ladies, please be careful what you wish for. I would give anything to be able to ask my Mum's advice on getting my 5 year old to listen to me and behave.......now I can't.

It's a funny old thread this. Some of your mums are closer to my age I think (51). Mother's 75. She has always been difficult - even my grandparents said she was difficult so I don't think I can approach this thread in quite the same way that you all do.

Am really sorry for those of you who have lost your mums - I do love mine, I just don't like her and don't believe she has ever liked or loved me. That is not to say I was ever deprived of any material thing or physically treated badly. I don't even think she has ever realised that she have never given me her approval. I don't even think I realised how much was missing until I had my own children and certainly have a completely different relationship with DD.

For me - it was my grandma with whom I had that special relationship. Fortunately nine months before she died she was replaced with a little blonde baby who was given her name and who has grown up with the same quiet and kindly disposition. My mother's comment on hearing dd was named after her mother "oh I suppose you think grandad will leave you more for that".

I love my mum.

She is not difficult. she's 75. She's fun, she's cool, she's generous.

me, I'm a bit tricky, but I'm aware of that so I try a bit harder to be nice and patient.

Can see both sides here, though haven't read all the posts. I am 67 and a mother, mil, grandmother etc and think I am ok for my age. I am fiercely left wing and would never read the DM - a Guardian reader you understand! I feel for the poster who has the mother with the dogs, who seem to take preference over the children.

I adore my sons, dils and grandchildren and never interfere and do all I can to help them all. Bloody saint aren't I!

The other thing though is that I had a lovely lovely mum and dad but I'm afraid when they got old I did get irritated with them and found visiting them something of a duty and I feel guilty about it. We lived very near to each other, but I didn't see them as often as I could, but I was working full time, kids etc. Excuses really.

I think the thing is that when people grow older their horizons narrow and nothing very much happens in their life, so something trivial is re-counted because it is in fact interesting to them. Found Lesly33 s post interesting.

I have it in mind to write to my grown kids a letter telling them how I loved my parents very much and had everything to be grateful for but I still found visiting them more and more of a duty. I will say they will probably feel the same about me, so they are not to feel guilty if they find visiting me a chore.

This thread is amazing.

Hilarious thread!

Lesley33 this is my mum you are describing to a tee:

"Some like my parents actually do very little day to day. So tiny bits of "news" become big deals and have to be told at excrutiating length and often repeated ad naseum. But its because they haven't actually got much to talk about but want to talk."

Am going to stay with my mum for a whole week soon - I have actually been going on the Daily Mail website to gen up on all the news items she's going to want to talk about in neverending detail. She lives in Greece now and has barely set foot in the UK for the last 6 years - doesn't stop her having a (right wing) opinion on everything that happens here!

This has been quite the eye-opening thread.

My own relationship with my mother has not been the easiest. In fact for pretty much my entire life she has been negative and emotionally cold to me, while treating my younger brother (actually any man really) as a golden child. This was compounded when said younger brother developed a massive drug addiction and eventually died of an overdose aged 24, having run up debts for my parents to the tune of nearly £100,000. Yet still, he remains the favoured one.
It has only since I got older and married the most wonderful and emotionally intelligent man who pointed out that my mother is probably jealous of me as I've had everything in life that she would have liked but didn't have the opportunity, a good education, a culturally varied upbringing. No major money worries, and have always had decent jobs, nice boyfriends and a flat in a lovely part of town. To compound things I now have an amazing DH and DS with another DC on the way. Yet she has always been immensely critical of me and very vocally so.

So, all in all, a difficult relationship. In recent years I had stopped reacting to her, so her response has been to now show zero interest in me or my family. She simply does not show any interest, yet if asked she would probably maintain she was a devoted grandmother...
So, as she gets older she has become, if it is at all possible even more irascible, selfish, illogical and downright odd. I read all these posts saying 'oh but you'll miss her when she's gone'.
My reaction to that is Really?? I find that hard to believe. It has taken me 35 years to realise that not only do I not like her, I do not love her. A lifetime of seeking non-existent approval has finally extinguished the last flames of love.
She's only 65, she'll probably live for another 30 years :(