Mine was definitely in the category of difficult, to put it mildly - needy but controlling, dissatisfied with her life but unable/unwilling to change things, deliberately wound up her DCs as children and as adults and pushed away our love in many different ways.
The thing is, now she's been dead for 7 yrs, I haven't stopped missing her at all, even though all those aspects would have remained the same, no doubt. It's only after her death that I've been able to 'get' the fact that you only have one mother - warts and all - and once she's gone, there'll never be anyone else who knows you so well, lifelong (well not in my case anyway), even if the knowing about you is deliberately used to wind you up!
So now, when I hear people complaining about their mothers (and fathers too, as mine's been dead for 4 years also), I sort of want them to stop in their tracks and stand way back from all the shenanigans and the irritations and just appreciate the fact that they're alive. However, I'm sure that I'd have been exactly the same when my mother WAS still alive!
But I wish someone had said to me back then, "just tolerate her ways....don't spend enormous amounts of time with her but do spend MORE time with her because life is limited and she's got less left than you think...detach from her irritating ways and see her as a person, struggling in the dark like all of us in life, doing the best she can....appreciate what she IS able to give, rather than focusing on what she can't and won't....remember that this could be you anyway, somewhere down the line, as we 'all turn into our mothers'!...but above all, love her - warts and all - while she's still here, even if and when she doesn't appear particularly loving towards you.....when she's gone, you'll just wish you could hear her irritating voice on the phone or be on the receiving end of her negativity - because as least she's alive and the only mother you've got and when she's gone, there's no bringing her back...."
I know this is really a light hearted thread butIi really do wish I'd appreciated my mother more, while she was still alive - just the fact that I had a mother at all - and I don't want others to feel the same while they've still got a chance. It doesn't mean you have to go all soppy and lovey-dovey, especially if your mother is as irritating as mine was. It just means, stop in your tracks and think - but she'll be gone oneday. She's only human. Will my own DCs be feeling the same when they're my age, if I'm still around at all?
I just wish I could be joining in on this thread now with her latest irritations. I just wish she were still alive to be annoying. I just wish she were still alive at all.