To think that the way most parents approach toilet 'training' is strange?

[Curiouskay]

I have a DD who is 2.7 so I am not an expert on TT but what I see written in parenting books and from other mums around me doesn't strike me as the best way to approach this stage. For example, I was talking to a mum the other day who sat her child on the toilet every 20 minutes for a week or something like that. If you are constantly sitting a child, or asking 'do you need a wee wee little Johnny?' how will little Johnny work out the cues within his own body as to when he needs to go? It just comes over rather controlling and pushy for me. Are we training children on our timetable rather than theirs? And is giving chocolate as a reward for carrying out a normal bodily function not, well, a bit strange?

Like I said, I am not an expert, but I feel the current methods for TT don't sit right with me and I'd prefer to let my DD reach this important developmental milestone when she is ready. Have TT 'experts' convinced parents that this won't happen without their intervention?

i utterly disagree

hth

I don't think most parents do go about it that way. I certainly didn't with my 3.

If a child cannot sit on a potty it certainly won't do anything else on it!

It WBU to think you need to follow self-proclaimed experts slavishly and to the letter on any part of child-rearing.

So what methods will/are u trying?

Just to add i didn't do that either.

Well, it's kind of strange that we spend the first 2-3 years of a child's life teaching them to shit in their pants isn't it - and then have to train them out of it.

It's not like weeing in a nappy and weeing in a toilet are natural human behaviours.

I would have agreed with you before I went through the potty training process twice. The truth is that reminding them and rewarding them works...or at least it did for my 2, so that's how I'll approach it with my youngest.

I've been relaxed about potty training. DS finally did it at 3.5 and DD is still in pull ups at 3.2. I'm not going to chase her around and get into a battle with her about using the potty, nor am I staying at home to do it. She takes herself to the toilet 50% of the time, I hope to crack it over Xmas because it suits my timetable and I'm off work for a couple of weeks.

i could never see the point of potty training - in my view it just, needlessly, introduces another stage in an already taxing process. Just put them straight on the loo....

I didn't quite do it like that either, but always rewarded a successful potty moment with a few chocolate buttons. No harm in it IMO.

Not quite sure what you mean - when you say 'sitting them' do you mean picking them up and plonking them on there, or just taking them to the toilet?

'Sitting them' as in actually plonking them on there, is old-school IMO if you want to start toilet-training on the timetable of a few decades ago, like around 8/9 months or so. Nothing wrong with that if you can bear it, it certainly got rid of nappies a lot earlier than we do these days, though I always understood it means you're going to get occasional accidents for far longer, and some children just don't get it, hence the punishments for wetting that used to happen

But just taking them along to the toilet every 20 mins or so for the first few days... well, that's how I did it; the idea being that the child gets loads of praise if they manage to do anything in the toilet, they don't go through quite as many complete sets of clothes as if you just left them to it, and generally that you are showing them what to do when they feel that full feeling. Otherwise, how are they supposed to know what the cue means, even if they become aware of it?

Anyway, I was far more interested in doing it in the warm weather, rather than any specific age, given the need to dry an awful lot of clothes in the early days/weeks.

Well if it works?

I have to admit I'm dreading TT. DS has shown interest and the odd sign but when he's engrossed in something I can imagine accidents, especially when out. So see why parents use reminders etc.

Rita has a good point! I think if you really want to do it naturally you need to do EC from birth. Unfortunately DS as soon as he could move for himself has had an aversion to sitting still so this approach didn't work too well for us.

DS was doing quite well but then decided he didn't like the potty and was addicted to nappies (to the point he had a screaming tantrum one night because he wanted to put the old, wet one back on, and because I got DP to come and take it away to the bin ) but I've set a date on the calendar to be "Pants Day" and he seems quite happy to ditch them on that day (going to work up to it as well with some pants themed activities). But probably won't get him to sit on the potty at set intervals unless he's really engrossed in something and seems like he might forget.

No, you are not an expert Curiouskay. Who truly is? Every child is different. I'm sure the methods that do not sit right with you will work for some but not for others.

Little Johnny will learn to use the potty, even if you feel the methods his parents are using is not the best way. You are not there and you are not his carer.

So, what is your point? Do what you think is right for your child, but you being unreasonable to be so judgy about Little Johnny's mother when you have not even gone through it yourself.

YABU. Each to their own. DS toilet trained at 2.4 in a week because he has to be for pre school...he must have been ready because it worked. Dd toilet trained herself at 18 months,then regressed and did it again at 21 months, but needed encouragement that time...again only took a couple of days...but they were reminded and rewarded. Worked for us

I agree OP, proper toilet training involves the child knowing when they need to go and doing everything themselves. That's the approach I took with my DD, and luckily her pre-school was supportive of her still being in nappies, much later than any of her classmates.

I find that I do still remind DD (3.3) as she does get excited sometimes and forget she needs to go.

However, the mums I know who have taken the approach you describe did all manage to train their kids "properly" before me. So I may well adopt some of those tactics with DC2.

Also, not all pre-school environments are supportive of 3yo's in nappies and insist they are trained before they would normally be "ready" to do it all by themselves. So in those cases I suppose you have to take the lead.

My friend from India told me that over there they start forcing babies to sit on the potty almost as soon as they can sit. The result is that toilet and potty training happens much sooner than we would consider normal over here.

yabvu its none of your business to comment on how people TT their children. Each child is different one size does not fit all. My dd 4.5 has SN and I had to give her a chocolate button each time she sat on the toilet, and each time she did a wee or poo on it, she had no concept of reward charts, it would have meant nothing to her. Yes I put her on the toilet every 1.5 hours so that she could learn to read her bodies cues, as she did not have a clue. I only did this for a few weeks and she got it, so the chocci buttons were ditched and she learned to read her bodies cues so started to go on her own. My dd was about 3.5-4years when she became fully TT

I agree it is odd that we train them to go in a nappy, and there is the whole elimination communication route that can be gone down if people don't want that. And in China don't children and babies wear trousers with holes in the bottom and get held out when they need to go? That said, it just seems to be the way TT gets approached in the main, as a task to be got over as quickly as possible. A badge of honour if you like (I'm sure you've heard people bragging about how their child was clean and dry at 18 months).

As for what we are doing, just gently introduced the idea of toilet/potty use and talked about it. She goes on it at home quite a lot but we go out a fair bit and then she wears a nappy as I know at this point she wouldn't reliably be able to tell me every time and hold on until we found a toilet. Personally I've seen it done, but I don't want to carry around a potty everywhere I go.

Meglet - thanks for sharing your experiences. Working it out on her own with my support and encouragement is basically what I'm after. I don't want her to feel she's been rushed into something on my terms. After all they are her bodily functions not mine.

I hope you understand where I am coming from. I am not trying to start an argument. Just see if there are any like-minded people out there.

my foolproof stressfree method was to think....'well, they won't be in nappies when they are 12...it will come '

and they kinda just did

what with adults doing it and the twins had an added bonus of watching older brother too

so in a funny kind of way - i'm with the OP...

YANBU in that there's a BIG difference between toilet 'training' and toilet timing.

Unless a child knows they need to do a wee or poo then any attempt at toilet training is likely to be protracted and unsuccessful.

You wait until you try and train your dd, some children don't have a magic lightbulb moment and need help to get on the ladder. My dd would have happily been in a nappy for yonks. My friend waited for her ds to reach that milestone, he was 4.3 years (no SN) and had still not had that lightbulb moment. My friend had to take matters into her own hands and start the process off, he is 4.6 and is still not all the way there yet. Some children need a push in the right direction.

Well with dd the toilet timing led to toilet training. You cannot have a one size fits all as each child is different and will respond to different methods. You have to do what works with your dc

OP until you've successfully toilet training at least one child, I don't think you're qualified to say which way is best.

And remember all children are different and respond to different methods.

Totally agree with nancy66 - just stick them on the toilet. We didn't do any proper "training" and just went cold turkey shortly before her 2nd birthday, day and night, and it worked. However, you do have to do that - they aren't going to have the lightbulb moment without you prompting them.

Thanks PigletMania - I appreciate your thoughts. This is what worries me, that she won't naturally get the idea. Like I said, she is my first child so I am just going on instincts here.

YANBU

My approach was to have them bottomless at home as much as possible, doing it that way after 5-7 days it was pretty much sorted.

I never owned a potty, all of mine went straight onto the toilet.

My oldest did it off his own back when he was about 10 months old the first time.

They were dry in the day no later than about 2.5yrs.

My oldest wet himself once but that was as he was falling asleep.

My approach worked for us, but horses for courses.