To ask you what's in your Will?

[AblativeAbsolute]

Sorry, I know this is a really personal area, but I feel like I need a bit of help (not legal advice per se, just learning from others). DH and I are finally getting round to making a Will, now that we've 'completed our family' (we have two young children - 4 and 1 - and are not planning any more). The lawyer has given us a massive form to fill in, and most of it is fairly easy - but the bit we're agonising over is who to appoint as guardians if we should both die. The only real options are either set of GPs or my sister (who has two young children of her own). My initial instinct was the GPs, on the basis that: they're emotionally closer to the children at the moment; they have plenty of house space and available time (and money, in one case); they are utterly devoted to the boys, and would do all in their power to make them happy. However..... The more I think about it, the more I think that there are downsides, mainly: by the time the kids are older teenagers, the GPs will be nearly in their 80s; they're relatively 'out of touch' (ie I struggle to imagine them negotiating the UCAS process in 15 years time, or understanding the kind of things kids are into these days); and, although they adore the kids and vice versa, their upbringing wouldn't be terribly 'normal'. Plus, of course, choosing one set of GPs over the other may cause fairly serious offence to the others... But nominating my sister has downsides too. She's less close to the boys at the moment (only because she doesn't see them quite so often, and isn't in the 'devoted granny' role), and the transition would probably be harder for the boys in the short term; she already has two children to look after, and taking on two more would be a serious ask, as well as requiring probably a new house, new car etc (and she's not particularly well off). But - she and her husband are great parents and, in the long term, the boys would have a more 'normal' upbringing.

Obviously nobody can make this decision except us - but I'm just interested to hear if other people have been though this sort of thought process, and how you made such a difficult decision. So, sorry for intruding, but if you're willing to share your experiences, I'd be very grateful!

In short my brother and sil are my dd's appointed guardians. You say your sis is not well off but I would assume any estate you leave would be put in trust for your children but to be used by guardians as they see fit including buying anything they need.

I am going to do my will on Tuesday and going to appoint my sister as guardian, very much for the reason you listed I think it would be to much for my parents to take on as a long term thing.

Is it necessarily the case that your children would live with their Guardians? I don't think it is. Isn't it a question of chosing someone who would be capable of making decisions for your children in the unlikely event that you and DH died?

My parents chose my mother's middle brother, although I remember them asking us when we were young teenagers. I wouldn't have wanted to live with him if anything happened because of geography but thought he would be fair and sensible.

oh just to add my other sister is joint exec with my brother so they will decide together what is best for all concerned. I trust all three people a million%

My sister and BIL are guardians, with everything else (including our house) left in trust to DC for their upbringing. I suspect everyone would move into our house as it's big enough TBH.

We made reciprocal guardianship arrangements with friends who think like us (eg about education) and parent like us.
Our families would be very involved but really we felt that no family members would be as comfortable with having our DS as our friends would be.

I don't have a will. My husband's leaves everything he owns to the dogs. He left the house with instructions to have a will drawn up to include my daughter (his stepdaughter) as a beneficiary alongside me. He isn't sure what happened, but along the way he came up with another idea and without adult supervision went with that. He also traded the cow for some magic beans.

Don't fail to cover the dreadfol possibility that you all go in the same smash and you are the last to die. In that case we have divided equally between the two sets of siblings.

our solicitor told us that you are expressing a wish when you appoint a guardian in your will. It might not necessarily work out that way. plus make your will as if you will die tomorrow and adjust it as circumstances change.

Ablative - we have had same dilemma. Mil too old (in sheltered accommodation). my dad is younger and in better health but has health issues which may make it difficult and is a bit of a loner so dont think would best environment although loving (also see him having same issues as your parents when he ages). My mother would love to do it but without going into detail I would worry about some of her parenting choices and also the age thing (let alone my step dad who is ok in small doses but not someone I would want dd exposed to as a carer). My sis has no kids and neither dh or I would trust her with dd (my mother bizarrely has tried to push as guardian as sis won't necessarily have kids but dd is not a flipping toy to hand on ).

One bil also ruled out for health/temperament issues which leaves other bil/sil. Now this bil can be an arse but cant fault them for how they have brought up their kids so they are best choice although like your sis have also got their kids.

The ultimate option is for my Dsc to do it but as they are young (19 and 21) it's not something I would feel appropriate yet.

Wheredidyoulastseeit is right - it's only an expression of wish, not what will definitely happen. Of course, if you name someone as your childrens' guardian and they do have a relationship with that person and are capable of fulfilling rhe commitment, then there's no reason it shouldn't happen. Particularly if your will is regularly reviewed to take account of changing circumstances.

To cover the costs of the children, my will leaves everything to my children, even if my husband survives. He is catered for by having a life interest - basically, he can have the benefit of the money for his lifetime (e.g. by living in the house) but after that it's all the kids. His interest also ends if he remarries or cohabits (I'm not against it, but if it happens, the new partner should be paying their fair share, and not have a lifestyle funded out of my kids' money). The life insurance policy is in trust for them, so it never forms part of my estate (helps with inheritance tax). The trustees are my husband and my mother or father or a friend (depending on who is alive and able etc).

Our willgoes further than just guardu=ians.

It also covers who inherits if all 5 of us are wiped out, if one of us (including the children) is left in a vegetive state. Who gets control. And that isn't the same as who inherits.

Thanks for all replies so far. I'm a bit confused now about the whole guardian/who they live with thing. If they lived with someone other than the guardian, wouldn't that be a bit tricky if the de facto parents (ie the people they lived with) were not the ones with the authority to make decisions about their future ?

troisgarcons that's interesting, as it's one of the questions on my list for the lawyer tomorrow - e.g. if I'm killed in an accident and DH is left mentally incapacitated, what happens then?

Yes, mine too troisgarcons. I have a limited number of beneficiaries, after which it goes to my favourite charities. I don't want distant relatives who I can't stand getting anything ahead of organisations who have helped my family.

Ablative - it is likely the person they lived with would become their legal guardian, i.e. have parental responsibility. Or possibly (depending on family circumstances, I suppose) the local authority could have PR and the person with whom they were living would technically be a foster carer.

Whoever you choose to be Guardians make sure they have enough money to be able to buy a large enough house and do all the things you'd want your children to do if you were around. Get some good life insurance.

Exactly cat64, which is why you need to review the arrangements regularly.

You may think you can trust someone 100% but money does funny things to people.

Before BIL, SiL was in a relationship. They had a house together. He had an accident and had to go into a residential home. His family (through logistics) made her his financial guardian. She met BIL, with a bit of pressure from him, sold the house and took all the equity and they merrily set up home together. Legally acceptable. Morally bankrupt.

The people who would bring up my children would be over seen by other friends of ours who would have no financial benefit or access to the money.

If we all pop our clogs in a plane falling from the sky, someone entirely different gets all the money!

reminds me november is will aid month so a good time to get a will done. local solicitors do it for a suggested donation which goes to charity

Totally agree trois!! We have mutually binding irrevocable wills, because you just never know what might happen, even with people you trust implicitly. Basically, once the first person dies, the other person cannot change their will at that point (certainly in respect of any assets and cash floating around at the time of the first death). So if I die tomorrow, my husband's will crystallises and he couldn't suddenly choose to take up with someone else and leave "our" money to her / anyone else.

That is absolutely horrible troisgarcons How can she live with herself?