To ask you what's in your Will?

[AblativeAbsolute]

Sorry, I know this is a really personal area, but I feel like I need a bit of help (not legal advice per se, just learning from others). DH and I are finally getting round to making a Will, now that we've 'completed our family' (we have two young children - 4 and 1 - and are not planning any more). The lawyer has given us a massive form to fill in, and most of it is fairly easy - but the bit we're agonising over is who to appoint as guardians if we should both die. The only real options are either set of GPs or my sister (who has two young children of her own). My initial instinct was the GPs, on the basis that: they're emotionally closer to the children at the moment; they have plenty of house space and available time (and money, in one case); they are utterly devoted to the boys, and would do all in their power to make them happy. However..... The more I think about it, the more I think that there are downsides, mainly: by the time the kids are older teenagers, the GPs will be nearly in their 80s; they're relatively 'out of touch' (ie I struggle to imagine them negotiating the UCAS process in 15 years time, or understanding the kind of things kids are into these days); and, although they adore the kids and vice versa, their upbringing wouldn't be terribly 'normal'. Plus, of course, choosing one set of GPs over the other may cause fairly serious offence to the others... But nominating my sister has downsides too. She's less close to the boys at the moment (only because she doesn't see them quite so often, and isn't in the 'devoted granny' role), and the transition would probably be harder for the boys in the short term; she already has two children to look after, and taking on two more would be a serious ask, as well as requiring probably a new house, new car etc (and she's not particularly well off). But - she and her husband are great parents and, in the long term, the boys would have a more 'normal' upbringing.

Obviously nobody can make this decision except us - but I'm just interested to hear if other people have been though this sort of thought process, and how you made such a difficult decision. So, sorry for intruding, but if you're willing to share your experiences, I'd be very grateful!

Marking my place to read opinions as this is the one reason dh and I still have not completed our will - we just cannot agree on guardians

My sister has two young children at the same age as ours. If we both died, she and her lovely DH would be guardians. Accordingly, we have set it up financially that they get a bulk of cash for a bigger house while the rest would go to the children.

My mother just wouldn't be capable and DH's parents don't have our values. His sister is single so we wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them with her.

Peppa I don't get the irrevocably binding bit.

Lets say me and DH have combined assets of 500k (upon first death, assuming a life insurance policy pay out) and the other automaticlly inherits it all.

What's to stop the inheriter from spending as they wish? Is there a financial figure that you can't go above that you need stick within yearly. Or is it just done by percentages.

Lets just say you had a spouse who really didn't like one of his three kids and he decides he wants to leave that one less than the others.

Couldnt' he then just spend (read give) money to the ones he wanted to whilst alive and then divide what's left up according to the irrevocable will upon death.

My point being is there may not be much left to bequeath and surely you can't limit someones spending whilst they're alive otherwise it's a trust situation isn't it?

I may have this all wrong but it doesn't make sense to me.

How can you tell someone how much of what is theirs they can spend whilst they're alive?

Mine says the kids go to my bro, but he has since married and is moving overseas which changes things somewhat

Other options are DH's friend & wife - they are also abroad but at least they are in Europe
Family in NZ

Does anyone know if it's hugely complicated choosing guardians who are outside the UK?

Oh yeah, and to answer OP - DH and I have mirror wills so that upon first death everything goes to the spouse (death in service at work not part of wills so that's requested separately to go to spouse too) and then on second death, we agreed to divide it all amongst the children proportionately

Our will also says who gets what if we all die. It is divided up so that 50% goes to my side of the family and the other 50% goes to DHs

No Eldon its the same.
You just name them (and obviously check with them first) and it's done.

You need good executors really to ensure it all gets done the way it's meant to.

When we drew up our wills, we wanted to nominate my brother AND his wife, but were advised to make it just my brother. I absolutely and utterly adore my sister in law, but accepted the solicitor's argument that we wouldn't want our children to be used in any battle between my brother and his wife should their own relationship turn sour. I was initially a bit and I'm as certain as I can be that their relationship won't turn sour, but the argument does make sense.

We chose my brother, rather my DH's, because he already has children (BIL not likely to have any) and therefore his life is more geared towards children. BIL is second choice, though.

Blimey, in the usual way of MN threads this has been extremely useful but has also raised as many issues as it has answered!!! We're now a lot happier on the guardian issue, but I'm now thinking that we probably don't have enough insurance to cover the kids' upbringing if we die. I'm now looking at taking out one of these fixed term insurance policies, but the next question is, how on earth do you decide how much to insure for?! I've just read something online that suggests you aim for around twenty times your salary, which would leave the kids what seems to me to be a whopping amount of money (and we don't earn that much!!) just for living expenses and university fees. But then, if the guardians would need to buy a new house, then it suddenly doesn't seem so much. But then, would the guardians be allowed to use the money for a new house anyway ??

And then, I don't understand this business of trusts (except that they're designed partly to avoid IHT). If I leave a life insurance policy in trust, does that mean that it goes to the guardian (or another named person), and they then spend it on the kids' behalf? If so, do they have absolute discretion over it? Is there anything legally stopping them spending it on themselves? Do the kids get to take control of any remainder once they reach 21 or whatever age I specify?

And my other concern is that, the more I spend on insurance policies, the less I have to put aside for the much more likely scenario that DH and I will both survive until the kids are over 21, and will have to pay for university fees etc out of savings.

AAARRRGGHHH!!

You don't need to pay tuition fees out of savings. Your DCs will be able to take out a tuition fees loan for that. However, if you want to pay them on their behalf, that's for you to decide and plan for financially. So, £36,000 for a three year degree course before you even come up with money for maintenance.

DamnBamboo - because my husband (or him, if I die) would hold the money during his lifetime under a life interest. He in this scenario is the beneficiary under a trust, (as a life interest is a beneficial interest) and that trust terminates on his death or remarriage or cohabitation. As it is a trust, you can have trustees. Now, he is one of them (as trustee for the kids) but the other trustee is someone else (with several defaults incase they die) so he can't spend the money without their approval. Obviously this doesn't mean he needs permission to buy every last thing, but as regards the "big" money, it means he can continue to live in the house, or buy a different one, with the proceeds, but can't simply fritter it away. It sort of depends on how you word the trust, which is something you need a solicitor to advise on. It's something that's a bit beyond "will writers", however good they may be at the more standard sort of will.

Actually, this issue is nothing to do with the mutually binding thing. You can leave everything to your children, with only a life interest to your husband without having mutually binding wills. The mutually binding aspect just provides for the fact that you know how your husband will leave his money as well (in respect of assets existing at the time of the first death).

A mirror will just means that two wills are the same - so you leave everything to your husband, he leaves everything to you etc. The survivor can change their minds and do as they please in this scenario.

Ablative - if a trustee spends the money in breach of trust, then the kids could bring proceedings against them to recover the money. You also need at least two trustees, so I'd recommend spreading the power amongst different people to prevent one person doing this.

I've just calculated and we are insured, between us, for 20x one of our salaries. It's not just living expenses - I'd like to think that if I go early, the kids will never have to worry about money. And if you shop around, a decent policy is much cheaper than the initial quotes you will get. We went through a broker called cavendish (recommended on the Martin Lewis web site). I think I said it earlier, but I think single life policies are much better, as the kids will need far more in the event of you both dying, plus if you're both gone then it's the only thing you can do for them.

On cost, I have several policies. One of them is a 30 year policy for £200k and costs £7.50 ish per month, if that is any help. Took it out around 4 years ago.

One of the others has a critical illness insurance element to it - I wated cover, but didn't feel I needed the full amount of life insurance as CIC (plus it is fiercely expensive compared to life only).

I topped up with a third policy after extra children.

its old and I must get round to making a new will Tricky to do it yoursaelf