Sikh wedding 'dress code' AIBU ?

[dieforrestdie]

okay me and DP are getting married (I'm 1st Gen bristish punjabian sikh and DP is white british) So we included little fact cards in the invites (with what will happen during sikh part - as part sikh, part civil ceromony, offically getting married in registry office then skipping over to Gurdwara for the rest (no offical religious part).)
In this we included a little thing about clothes. Saying I will be dressed in the traditional way while DP will just be in a suit and that all guests are welcome to wear whatever they like (then included little help bits for those who wish to wear traditional punjabian dress - esp the woman)

Anyway we asked if posible all guest could wear bright colours or just colour. And asked if black and white could be avoided as bad luck (said men are welcome to wear black suits if they have nothing else)

I suppose this isn't that unusual for guests to not wear white or black to others wedding.

But we also asked if people can stay away from red as this is the colour the bride wears.

Anyway one of DPs cousins is kicking up a fuss.

She said was the dress code compulsory. We said well no but... basically yes. and explained it would be the same as her wearing white to a traditional western wedding.

She wont acept it as the same and is saying that having a dress code for a wedding in bridezilla like and guests should wear what they want to.
And her DD has a good outfit that is red and she is not going to put her in anything else.

It has thrown me - AIBU to have written it down and expect people to follow the so called 'dress code'

YANBU at all. I have the perfect brightly coloured dress - can I come?

You're not being at all unreasonable, OP. The cousin is being an arse. It's not difficult to swerve red clothes and you've very kindly (and fully) explained why. I think I would present it to the cousin as a fait accompli, if she simply cannot find anything of a different hue in her wardrobe, her circle of friends or the shops, you will reluctantly accept her apologies.

Then put it out of your head, she's completely out of order. Happy Wedding to you both.

I have an absolutely gorgeous salwar kameez that I'm really keen to wear again - it's a gorgeous turquoise with lovely beading.

Can I come instead? :o

I too would love to go to a Sikh wedding, it looks beautiful. The closest I've come is watching 'Bend it like Beckham', alas. I have an emerald dress...

OP... if you need 'stand ins'... come back to this brightly coloured thread.

I agree totally with ZombiePlan.

You are not being a Bridezilla at all - and to be frank, Romilly70 I think you are spectacularly missing the point that most adults would avoid white at a Western wedding but wouldn't necessarily know the bridal colour was red for a Sikh wedding (I didn't) and know to avoid it.

Asking also to avoid black and white might be a bit out of the norm, but so what? There is a myriad of other colours that can be chosen, and unless you sent out you invites two days before the big day I think it is a bit much to say the cousin would have the stress of trying to find an alternative outfit! What about the bride and grooms stress of having to try and accommodate the stropping cousin?!?

Your D-H-to-be's cousin is being a difficult cow.

I would love to come to your wedding and my DH's suit is grey and DD only likes wearing blue. I have always wanted to go ton a Sikh wedding and would highly appreciate the help and advice you gave...

I had a friend who is a Wicca Witch and her wedding stipulated no black and bright colours only (she wore orange).

I don't think YABU, she is being annoying.

Though I don't think a dress code can ever be more than a request, realy. I wouldn't hesitate to wear white to a traditional British wedding - I have done before, never occured to me I wouldn't be 'allowed' to. Certainly not trying to upstage the bride! What an odd expression.

She is not being polite but really, do you actually care what she or her DD wear.

YANBU, if she doesn't like it then she shouldn't attend.

You are absolutely not BU.

However, people are funny. I put on my wedding invites "ladies, please no white". I was told this wasn't necessary as nobody wears white to a (western) wedding. Sure enough, someone turned up in white and someone else asked if I minded if she wore a white dress (of course I did!!).

I think people have generally lost their sense of etiquette...

She has no manners. Even if privately one thinks that it is Bridezilla-ish or rude, one goes along with it as that is good manners to do so. And I don't think it is anyway, I've been to a few "eastern" (for want of a better word, covering SE Asian as well as Indian SC) weddings and wouldn't dream of wearing red.

But then I'm not a boorish oaf as so many guests seem to be.

I have been to many Indian weddings (Sikh and Hindu) and generally have found the couple to be pretty relaxed about what people wear. The religious rules (head covering etc) seem to be more important. Generally with mixed marriages I think that people dressing western are left to interpret the dress code themselves. I understand your reasons for asking, but I think if you are objecting to a young girl wearing a red dress that makes you a little unreasonable. It in no way will detract from your outfit which I am sure will be stunning. I think you should let it go.

I think you are definitely being unreasonable.

You are the only Asian person I have come across that has put a dress code on a wedding invite to include colours etc. Most people just allude to dress of a modest nature. And how can a red westernised dress possibly compete with the full blown Indian bride number? As for black and white - I have seen it being worn at many an Asian wedding. Sorry to pass judgement but your very traditional views on dress seem a little out of kilter with someone marrying "out" so to speak

YANBU. You were really helpful to include an explanatory note in the invitation so people could avoid making embarrassing faux pas, and your cousin is a cousinzilla.

I went to a Sikh wedding earlier this year where precisely the same colours were to be avoided, for the same reason, and I would have felt a real spanner if I'd turned up wearing the same colour as the bride! The fact that your cousin would seem to be OK with that says a lot about her, not you.

Btw, congratulations, and great colour choice for your wedding sari - the bride at the wedding I went to looked stunning and I bet you will too!