to severely limit xmas gifts and give the money to charity instead?

[joshandjamie]

I know when I was a child, I loved seeing a big pile of presents under the tree. And didn't really even care what was in them - it was just seeing them and wanting to rip them open that was the exciting bit. So I don't want to deprive my kids of that.

BUT they have plenty of toys, plenty of books, plenty of games, enough clothes - they literally don't need anything else. Sure the 6 year old wants an ipad (that's not going to happen) and the 7 year old wants a kitten (that may happen) but other than that, they don't want or need anything.

Similarly, while I'd love new clothes, jewellery and almost all of Lakeland, I don't NEED those things.

And I've gotten to the point of seriously not wanting to buy stuff for the sake of it. Money aside, I just don't want more stuff in the house.

I'm really not trying to be super virtuous or saintlike, but I'd really far rather take the money we might spend on presents and go to one of those charity sites where you can buy a family mosquito nets or a water purifier or something. I've even run the idea past my kids and they're up for it. But I don't think they've thought through what that really means on Christmas morning.

I'm thinking I could get away with some small stocking filler presents and some token 'joke' presents for the rest of the family coming to stay (plus my home made things that I shall force upon them and which they will take with gritted teeth).

But is that being unreasonable? I know kids elsewhere get very little but we live in a western society where kids kind of expect stuff. While I'm sure they'll learn a nice lesson about giving to others - that's less my intention. I just don't want more crap in my house! But I also don't want them to be disappointed on Christmas morning.

Should I do it?

why not donate some of the childrens old toys and games to charity, which then clears up some room for new things at christmas.. and everyone benefits and will be happy..

I love charity gifts. This year all my family are getting things from Oxfam, along with some homemade cakes and shortbread as something to open. They'll all appreciate it too. And yes, I'd be delighted if I got charity gifts from everyone. I can't believe how many people think there is something selfish about spending Christmas money on people who really need it.

Don't buy crap. Buy a few presents from charity shops, and give them back to shops to sell again when you are done with them (jigsaws from Oxfam for example). Buy something that will last a lifetime, like a beautiful hardbound book you love, which may be a little grown up for your child, (inscribe all books), or a beautiful antique wooden box. Wrap up ordinary objects like new toothbrushes in order to make a big pile (old newspaper is good wrapping paper, if you have some colourfully wrapped things to make the pile look cheerful). Wrap a few treats that will please or amuse your child (unusual fruits used to be fun for me). A few times I gave my kids a shoebox because they were doing shoeboxes for charity, and they loved these. Give them one thing that will really please them, and it definitely doesn't have to be expensive.
It sounds like you aren't having enough fun. I think Christmas should be magical for children, and the present pile is part of that. I think what people are trying to say is that it doesn't have to be useless junk or nothing.

Why have you got so many toys/clothes etc - are you sure that you are not in need of a big clear out? You could give stuff your kids no longer play with to a charity shop. The charity benefits and so does someone else and their child who buys your stuff. I would be wary of having a Christmas where the kids will remember they got very little. My dad told me when I was 8 that I was too old for birthday parties and I just cried and cried and still remember it now.

Christmas charity begins at home, with friends and family - especially children.

Why not wrap up each small item in a bigger box rather like pass the parcel? Looks decorative under the tree, you still get the anticipation, but even more fun to unwrap!
Totally agree with where you're coming from.
My kids love the ceremony of xmas mealtimes, making the table all nice, lighting candles, making home made decorations.
Do a big focus on all that stuff, invite people over, have actual fun, put yourself out in a different way.
Go to church, teach your kids what it IS all about. Putting the focus on money and presents will just keep the wrong message going for another generation. Be brave! Do it!

Can't decide which side of this I find most distasteful- the "Look how virtuous I am, I'm giving everyone a new toothbrush wrapped in newspaper - giving the rest of the money to the poor" or the "Charity begins at home and my child is the only charity I'm going to support"

A plague on both your houses!

Why not ask your DCs? There are lots of giving trees around and you could choose a present together. Sell off things they have grown out of if you want to fund it.
I think that it is much better if it comes from the DC, rather than imposed by the parent who makes it impossible to disagree without sounding selfish.
You could do it with a baby-they don't understand presents.

Why don't you "severely limit" something of your own and give the money to charity?

Instead of stopping the Xmas present thing althogether - which does the economy no favours - perhaps just be more selective. Buy individual handmade items instead of mass produced crap. Buy gifts from charity catalogues too.
I don't have a problem with the giving of prezzies per se but I do have a problem with the sheer volume of all this plastic tat from China.

I have done a clear out - most of the usable stuff is going to the school for the PTA xmas fair.

I also have asked my children. They are hard pressed to tell me what they want. They genuinely can't think of anything - even going through catalogues. They want one or two things which I am happy to get. I even posed the idea of buying a charitable gift for someone else instead of us buying lots of presents and they seemed really keen on that - as long as they got to choose. But I know they will still want something exciting looking under the tree. Think I'm just going to have think carefully about what to get.

Towndon - you and many others I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not trying to say that I won't get gifts for others and give the money to charity, but in some way expect gifts back for me.

What I'm saying is that I don't want gifts for myself that honestly usually end up becoming clutter and similarly, really dislike the idea of buying stuff for other people when it's buying something for the sake of it. If I see a gift that I just know would be perfect for someone, I get it. But if I'm scratching my head wondering what on earth I can get for so and so and whatever I get will fall into their own 'clutter' pile, it seems crazy. I am absolutely happy to talk to all the adults involved and agree some kind of mutual no gift giving or token gift only thing. They don't have to give money to charity. I will do it instead of spending it on crap.

But thanks to those who have had some good ideas about how to make it fun and special for kids without buying masses of rubbish.

Isn't it up to other people though, to decide if they want to forfeit a present? There are lots of gifts that don't end up as clutter, such as iTunes vouchers, tickets for something, or food/drink.

If people ask you what you'd like, you can say you'd like a goat/tree planted or whatever. But I do think charity shouldn't be about making someone else's Christmas a little less jolly.

I have done most of my Xmas shopping. I have bought everyone a 'thoughtful' gift - fave choccys or wine, Lush stuff for the adults and spent a bit more on all the kids, buying them a toy etc.
And then everyone has a voucher for Oxfam to go with it rather than another gift.
Everyone I know will be pleased (I hope!)
YANBU as no one really needs an extra pair of socks or perfume more than those children need a day at school paid for them.
I would be very pleased if I had a charity donation as my Xmas gift.

YABVU!! and a big old meanie!!

Christmas is fab, I love spending ages thinking about what people will like.
Here are my suggestions;

1. Don't but plastic crap
2. Plan ahead - ie don't buy stuff the rest of the year.
3. Choose something 'grown up', a picture for their room, a lovely book, a little piece of jewellery. Choose something with love, a treasure for the future. Does not need to be expensive. Don't just give them a catalogue of plastic crap and say 'what do you want'.
4. Stockings can be filled with useful things.
5. Discuss with family - ie we give 'home presents' last year DM gave me a pie dish.
6. Give homemade things.
7. And give to charity anyway without making a great big to-do about it.

And finally to the people who send an email saying they are making a donation to charity instead of cards/presents I tend to think a) how lazy couldn't you be bothered to choose things and just went online for about 30 seconds instead. b) no need to tell me about your charity giving, I'm not impressed, just do it quietly.

Dh and I don't buy each other gifts, we give the money to charity and we ask our parents to give what they would've spent, to our selected charity on our behalf.

I had similar experiences re: feeling wasteful at xmas. Would receive presents and think 'wtf' and feel very sad about what a huge waste of money it all was for the sake of it.

We have kinda got round this now by all the family writing a very long list of bits and bobs that we want and passing them around. That way, the present is still a 'surprise' but we each actually get something that we like.

I don't like to see charity giving as a replacement for gift buying if I am honest.

I think that charity giving should be for yourself, and not instead of giving to others.

So, in this case i would suggest that you ask others who might buy for you to instead donate the money they would have spent to charity.

But I would still buy gifts for others - because charity should be an individual choice, not done on someone else's behalf imo.

I think you should tell anyone who buys you a present that you would prefer they spent that money on a charity instead if a gift for you. But do it quick a lot of people have already done a lot of their Xmas shopping. Still buy everyone a gift , then you are the only one effected. Plus have a big sort out and sell some of your stuff and donate that money to charity . Then set up monthly contributions to a charity. I think giving to a charity is a very personal thing and shouldn't involve all these other people your posts suggests it would.

YANBU - a great idea! It is so sad that Christmas really seems to be about buying pointless stuff for most people - "Christmas magic"

Some astonishing attitudes on this thread. Didn't the OP say that her children AGREED with her?

And for those who think charities spend 50% of their donations on admin, there are smaller charities too who do not! For example the West London Day Centre, a small homeless charity in Marylebone. I think these views are just excuses for selfishness.

OP, doing this will be giving your children a present: it will not be such a bad thing for them to be taught to think of others too...

LOL at the children being 'taught a lesson' on Christmas morning when they open their envelope with a picture of a goat. Actually not LOL because much as they may say they agree they won't. Surely you can involve them in thinking of others without not giving them christmas presents.
Imagine when they are adults 'We didn't have Christmas presents as children, Mum didn't like the clutter'. Dah dah dah Daaahhhh.

Is that you grinch?

Lady - so you think it's more important to shower the children with things they don't even want (OP said her kids couldn't think of anything they wanted) than make a donation to charity instead?

And don't be stupid about the children "being taught a lesson on Christmas morning" - this has obviously been discussed beforehand so they wouldn't expect big presents.

BTW I don't really like these charity gifts like goats or whatever - why not just give the money to charity - or I would find a charity where you can actually go and give them something. We have often made a trip to the Marie Curie Hospice in Hampstead who take booze donations - they have a drinks trolley for terminally ill cancer patients.

Marianne - read my previous post!

I don't think it's stupid to think that the children may say they think its a good idea and then be disappointed. They are 6 and 7 - far to young to really understand what it means. Maybe if they were teenagers it would be better.

But seriously expecting a 6 year old to agree not to have a present so that Mum can make a charity donation and feel saintly / have a tidy house (when she could afford to do both) just makes me .

OP YANBU. Frankly I am so over clutter, and so over the commercialisation of Christmas, that I am tempted to boycott the whole thing.

My three teenagers have been threatened with a boycott just this week actually, after informing me what they planned to "spend their Christmas money on". They just assumed I will give them cash to the value of what I usually spend on their gifts, apparently.

I can see blocks of coal in stockings here on the big day.

Bah Humbug!

Am i the only one who thinks it's weird that a whole family is buying each other expensive things they don't like? (the adults in the OP's family that is)

Maybe it's because we do very modest gifts but it's very rare I've gotten bad presents. Everyone knows I like books, wine and things that smell lovely I know my dad likes photography books, my grandma used to like whiskey and fluffy slippers. (The one exception is my mum but she's kind of a lunatic.)

I feel like if you just try to get something that you know that person likes, rather than trying to nail 'the perfect present', then everyone goes home happy.

So instead of downsizing to no presents, why not just set a small money limit? Everyone likes the little things in life.