to severely limit xmas gifts and give the money to charity instead?

[joshandjamie]

I know when I was a child, I loved seeing a big pile of presents under the tree. And didn't really even care what was in them - it was just seeing them and wanting to rip them open that was the exciting bit. So I don't want to deprive my kids of that.

BUT they have plenty of toys, plenty of books, plenty of games, enough clothes - they literally don't need anything else. Sure the 6 year old wants an ipad (that's not going to happen) and the 7 year old wants a kitten (that may happen) but other than that, they don't want or need anything.

Similarly, while I'd love new clothes, jewellery and almost all of Lakeland, I don't NEED those things.

And I've gotten to the point of seriously not wanting to buy stuff for the sake of it. Money aside, I just don't want more stuff in the house.

I'm really not trying to be super virtuous or saintlike, but I'd really far rather take the money we might spend on presents and go to one of those charity sites where you can buy a family mosquito nets or a water purifier or something. I've even run the idea past my kids and they're up for it. But I don't think they've thought through what that really means on Christmas morning.

I'm thinking I could get away with some small stocking filler presents and some token 'joke' presents for the rest of the family coming to stay (plus my home made things that I shall force upon them and which they will take with gritted teeth).

But is that being unreasonable? I know kids elsewhere get very little but we live in a western society where kids kind of expect stuff. While I'm sure they'll learn a nice lesson about giving to others - that's less my intention. I just don't want more crap in my house! But I also don't want them to be disappointed on Christmas morning.

Should I do it?

YANBU but you may find, as I did, that this is best done gradually over a few years.

I am now down to the last few 'absolutely won't budge about buying gifts' brigade. Last year even MIL/FIL started giving me charity gifts instead - they found this quite difficult I think (and still feel ther urge to give me a little something along side it) but were encouraged by my very positive response. I know they don't want them in return though and that is fine by me, I have now passed on that task to DH though.

I know that the majority of presents my son recieves are what he really want or needs and I also have control over the amount - as I buy most of them now. I try a bulk it out with the kind of things that cat64 has suggested and these do go down very well.

I definitely prefer to give to my friends and family on a more 'as and when' basis rather than for Christmas.

ebay your stuff, there are hard up families out there that are looking for good 2nd hand toys. Then use the money as you want, save it up in your paypal account until there is something you really want as a family. Or give it to charity. I totally get your feeling of not wanting anymore crap in the house, I have got rid of loads on ebay, what doesn't go I send to charity shop and so far have bought some nice new bits for me and the kids.

I'd not give to charity rather than my children, other family members sure but not children.

I don't think anyone should feel they have to give to charity, tbh. It's a personal decison.

I think donating to charity on someone else's behalf is rubbish unless you know they would be happy for that to happen. By all means if anyone asks what you would like for Christmas say donate the money to x charity. But expecting your children too is just a little unfair. They do want the big pile of pressies and I doubt very much they want the money donated to charity. Personally I like presents and would feel a bit short changed if someone gave my present to charity especially if I'd bought them an actual present.

A charity present is not a present. If you want people to make all your presents charity gifts that's fine, but to me it's like saying "I'm spending the money I would have spent on you this year on something else. It is the same if that something else is a fur coat or a charity donation, either way the donor is choosing how he/she spends her money and it isn't on me.
That may be fine, but please don't pretend that it somehow is a present for me.
Tell me we're just exchanging cards this year as you can't be arsed with presents and think I've got enough crap already, be honest.

I'm not sure if I've missed how old they are but YABU to inflict your feelings about Christmas on your children. Donate your presents, not theirs. Especially as it seems that the motivation is that you don't want more stuff in the house.

YABU. Give up your own presents by all means but it is unreasonable of you to decide to sacrifice Christmas morning for your children. I will be buying a gift for a child in the Children's hospital this xmas but it won't stop my kids having a fun xmas day too.

My dc get a certain amount of practical stuff they'd need anyway. Things like new toothbrushes, pants, clothes, stationary for school, piano music. They just love the opening.

I don't think the idea is UR, as long as you are asking people to buy you the goat/cow/teacher for charity. You buy them presents. That is the way that should work, unless they ask you to buy the charity stuff for them.

We do Christmas/Birthday lists in our family. In times past, we always put things we actually needed/really wanted on our lists, some people buy exactly what the person has put, sometimes people choose something 'off the list'. So I have had an amazing array of great presents over the years.

Lately though, the whole family seems more solvent and able to buy what we need when we need it for ourselves. I now get really upset by presents. I try really hard to find something the other person will like, they try really hard to find me something I will like. None of us gets it right.

Since being involved with DP and the DSSs, it has just got so hard. DP gets the same formula of presents from me each year, unless he is willing to wait and not buy something he needs. DSSs just get piles of money wasting crap they never even look at, even though we do try really hard to find out what they would like.

I have tried allsorts with my family. I asked for one extremely large gift, a new bathroom, between them all, last year, my mum and dad still felt the need to buy me and DP other 'bits' even though they went for getting me the bathroom pretty much by themselves (the other 'bits' were actually what I would consider proper, big presents).

BTW the most exciting present I EVER had was a pot of Lip Balm when I was about 12. It was such a weird looking, tiny shape under the tree and it turned out I was the first in my peer group to actually own one! Twas less than £1, which wasn't a massive amount even in the early 80's.

Flowery blue -exactly! That is how I feel. 'money wasting crap they never even look at' - it feels very wrong to feel money on that when it could be put to better uses, even if it's not charity, but goes towards a school/uni fund, something!

joshandjamie I saw on another thread recently about an aunt who had never given her nephew any presents, until she presented him with a bank book containing £1000 on his 21st. I like that idea for my nephew, he was 1 last week. I wouldn't not get him something to open, but he had loads to open on his birthday, and as the only baby in our family will be spoilt to death by us all, so I think I may start a DN fund, same as I have a cat fund, tiny amount each month but it can build up over the years to driving lessons or something proper expensive when he is a lot older and will really appreciate it.

Better uses? Like going off on a sailing expedition? Sorry, couldn't resist... Just a bit ironic that's all.

FAbby - your charitable attitude is less than overwhelming.

And you are wrong - Oxfam uses 83% of donations on emergency/development/campaigning work, 10% on running costs and support and 7% on ensuring future support. Not sure which charity you were talking about though.

YANBU!

I agree. Especially with really young kids - I don't get it. We made a request with our baby's first christmas to not go overboard with presents as I didn't want to end up with boxes full of toys - it kindof makes me feel a bit sick. I know people will buy him something but just not loads. And I've had a few snide comments since from SIL etc

Up until say about 2 years some clothes or shopping vouchers - or going to a charity - for the parents would be amazing in my opinion rather than toys that they simply don't play with. How about a 'I will babysit' voucher? No, rather than help out parents, charity, spend quality time with kids etc lets just buy some plastic s*it the kid'll never touch so we all feel good about ourselves.

OP - Give money to charity instead and maybe help out at local charity too over christmas

And also Fabby - I get cold-calling mailings sent to me by Great Ormond Street Hospital and MacMIllan - do you think these are sent for free? No. All charities have a budget for fundraising and future findraising, and paying the salaries of those who do the fundraising. Don't be daft.

I'm worried your children think the goat-buying is a good idea in theory but come Christmas morning they will be so disappointed at the measly few presents under a threadbare tree Do what people have suggested, have a crap-away before Christmas, give old toys to charity shops so other families can have the chance to buy and enjoy them, give goats to adults if you've asked and they would really like that instead, ask for goats yourself, give practical presents like toothbrushes and pants to the children as well, but do make sure they have loads of presents to open including things they want and which aren't just worthy!

Goats above are standing in for all sorts of charity gifts. Bleat!

yabu
but imo you know that or you wouldn't ask, your children will be disappointed,and if someone gave me money to give to charity I would tell them to stick it

yanbu. I think you can mitigate the effect of the lack of presents by buying things the kids will need anyway during the year - nice clothes, stationery, lunch boxes, bags, smellies and a few sweets.

Gwendolinemary - ironic how?? Yes I spent money on myself to go sailing once. I spend a small fortune on my children almost daily. I just hate buying stuff for the sake of buying it. If there was something they really wanted (within reason) I'd get it for them. But they genuinely don't seem to want anything.

I'm not saying I won't get them ANYTHING. There are little things - like a football annual or junior trivial pursuit or some action figurines - that I know they will enjoy, but honestly, just buying stuff for the sake of it seems wrong to me. I want them to have things to open on Christmas morning, but I hate the thought of buying plastic shite because 'that's what you do'.

Not sure why I am quite so amazed given this is mumsnet, but I am amazed at the sentiment on here that you musty buy stuff 'because it's Christmas' is so overwhelming. When did people stop appreciating what they have and remember that not everyone is as well off? (and that includes the poorest of you on here because you have a sodding PC and internet connection). I thought Christmas was about goodwill towards man, not buying random stuff for people so that they can be satisfied for 5 minutes on Christmas morning.

OP. I don't like the idea that not having EXPENSIVE presents on Christmas morning means Christmas is ruined for the kids. Kids love presents obviously but the ones they love are often not the most expensive. I'm sure people who are not that well off manage to give their kids a happy Christmas on a limited budget.

very worthy ,well done

But if you spend your children's Christmas present money on charity, you're doing that for yourself. Don't fool yourself you're doing it for your children.

So you had the presents yourself and loved it. You can afford to do that for your children, yet you think their money should be spent on other people.

Can't you start up a charitable donation on a regular basis that the children can be involved in?

It's not the kids Christmas present money though is it? It's the OP's money and she can choose how much she is going to budget for xmas presents and how much she is going to budget for other things such as charitable donations if she wishes.