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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send school a link to a bullying arsehole's facebook page?

85 replies

FivePoundNote · 04/11/2011 17:52

My son has been making videos of himself and uploading them onto youtube. I warned him this would make him a target for bullying (along with everything else he does Angry but he said he didn't care.

Needless to say I've just come across a facebook page belonging to a little shit who thought it would be hillarious to link to my son's youtube channel with comments such as "this kid is such a fucking wierdo" and "what a fag". This has been followed up with comments from like-minded kids encouraging it saying DS is a freak and a tit etc.

DS says he doesn't care at all.

I did warn him this would happen.

Do I let him learn from it and rise above it or send a link to the school? They're 13 btw.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 04/11/2011 19:02

Report the comments to the police, but seriously unless they know your son they are not bullying.

The police take facebook bullying very seriously and Facebook do too and close accounts that target others.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 04/11/2011 19:06

Please don't discourge him from making his videos....he is right...he likes doing them. Instead, look for a course/workshop on making film and encourage him. He's not "making a show" of himself...he's expressing himself through a medium he loves and which one day could prove to be the making of him.

runningwilde · 04/11/2011 19:10

Your son sounds great

I would make the school do something about the bullies though

thisisyesterday · 04/11/2011 19:21

good grief.
i know you were upset andtd up, and I know you know that your son should be allowed to be who he wants... but you seem to be really of the opinion that at school he's just going to have to put up with being bullied.

i would be in that school kicking up a stink every single time my child was bullied. in fact, if any of my kids were repeatedly hit or bullied in any other way and the school did not end it then I would be taking them out and going to the LEA/ofsted/whoever else you go to

he shouldn't have to change. you should be making sure he is protected at school.
he is 13, you are responsible for him...

ellmum · 04/11/2011 19:34

I think my best friend at school was like your son. He dressed differently from the other boys, he was dramatic and maybe a bit attention seeking. He seemed not to care what other people thought and said about him, but I know deep down it did bother him a bit. Ultimately though he got attention by being flamboyant and I think that made him feel that he wasn't being singled out because of the biggest difference between him and the majority of the boys in his year (the fact that he's gay). 20 years on he is still the kindest, strongest, funniest and greatest friend anyone could wish for, and he is completely and utterly happy. School is tough for some people, 3 years until your son can really be himself is not so long. He does sound fantastic.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 04/11/2011 19:38

The gay thing is confusing at this point in time....kids have so many diverse role models...men who are not afraid to wear makeup and be feminine but are still straight...Russel Brand, Johhny Depp and a multitude of rock stars....maybe boys today are just getting opened out more....I don't think it's always a sign of being gay...sometimes of course...but not all the time.

noblegiraffe · 04/11/2011 19:54

I remember one teenage boy in my tutor group jealously remarking about another boy 'the girls all flock around him because he's gay'.

cricketballs · 04/11/2011 20:08

no matter what your DS is like or his peers are like - if he puts something on the internet for public viewing, he you have to take the rough with the smooth.

There are critics everywhere and you must accept that whilst they maybe don't have the language skills to say they don't agree with the content etc they are allowed to critic any work published even if you don't like it

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 04/11/2011 20:17

I admire your son's balls (as it were). Good on him. People like him go far in life.

Pendeen · 04/11/2011 22:13

"..The police take facebook bullying very seriously..."

Is that true? Do they have the resources to do this?

Surely if someone puts videos of themselves on (public) Facebook they are open to all comments and criticism however bad-tempered or puerile that may be. Why would the police be at all interested?

AitchTwoOh · 04/11/2011 23:32

was talkign to a couple of cops recently... they would shut fb down in a heartbeat if they could.

MrBloomsNursery · 04/11/2011 23:53

Ooh, if he's doing something similar to Fred, then I'd LOVE to watch it. DD and me watch Fred videos on youtube and just sit and laugh with tears in our eyes.

wellymelly · 05/11/2011 00:32

You are lucky to have a son who is determined and positive given the situation at school. With the best will in the world, you have to let him fight his own battles, wherever possible. Be careful not to be too critical of him, just because he is not doing what you want him to do, or being who you expect him to be. Its important that he knows he can discuss these problems with you if they do get to him...and if he worrries that you will fly off the handle then he will learn not to tell you. There will come a time when he may not want you as his "friend" on FB and could block you. If you want to keep the trust between you then try to back off a little.

FB is one big nightmare, IMO - my DS has just began yr7 and already the vast majority of the yr group are on FB. I have decided to stand by my guns and refuse...but I know it won't last. I really think that children have to be mature enough to cope before they are set free on FB. It sounds like yours definitely is. I think you will be surprised at how much credibility he earns from his statement! (Perhaps tell him you are proud of what he wrote with the exception of his choice of words....but perhaps play down that bit). Good luck and if things deteriorate then def report to the school, with evidence.

madhattershouse · 05/11/2011 00:41

Your son sounds fab!! I was bullied for being myself at school. I stuck to my guns. By the age of 14 they started to come to me for help as I was someone who could be trusted, guess never changing to suit others counted as being truthful. Took a few years of being ignored or mickey taking but worked out in the end..never have changed Grin

squeakytoy · 05/11/2011 00:46

He is only being bullied if he lets them, and from what you have posted, he isnt being bullied, he is just ignoring the idiots and is happy in what he is doing.

If he is truly happy, then it would be unfair of you to step in and interfere.

He sounds a confident lad who is content being who he is. If he has the commonsense to know that if you put yourself in the spotlight there will be negative comments along with the positive, then he has his head in the right place.

NatashaBee · 05/11/2011 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DooinMeCleanin · 05/11/2011 01:09

'Honestly if you could imagine a kid walking around secondary school with a huge sign pointing to them saying "bully me" - that would be my ds.' We had a boy like that in our school but his passion was dance. He would pirrouette around school and made no secret of the fact he wanted to be a famous ballet dancer. He was bullied relentlessly, but do you know what? He did it! He added a 'friend' request to my FB not long ago and he's studied at the Royal College of Ballet, starred in loads of big performances and now owns his own ballet school.

It's people like him and your boy who make something of themselves and achieve their dreams. You should be really proud of him and encourage him. Sod the bullies, your son will be the one with the last laugh.

aurynne · 05/11/2011 01:32

It doesn't sound at all like bullying to me. It would have been bullying if the other students had filmed him being abused, then put up the video on FB and make derogatory comments about it.

But this did not happen. Your son uploaded a video of himself, and that video got criticized... It happens to whoever puts up a video of themselves, no matter how good or bad it is. I don't think the police will even look at it, and honestly, neither I think they should. It would be the same if you saw a photo of a politician, or a singer, on the online news, and posted a comment saying how ridiculous this person looks, and what stupid things they said. It is not bullying, it is commenting on a video.

Besides, and the most important part of it, YOUR SON DOES NOT CARE. I do believe that, if you keep putting pressure on him, and insisting on making this a big deal, you will actually cause him damage.

BalloonTwister · 05/11/2011 05:50

I went to primary school with a lad who sounds very much like your DS. He was bullied constantly for being such a little extrovert. We went to different secondary schools, and his had an exceprionally good drama department, where he flourished. I believe he was still bullied, but genuinely didn't give a rats arse what anyone else thought.

One of the lads that bullied him tried to add him on facebook last year, and started the message with...Do you remember me? We went to primary school together.. The reply came back "Of course I remember you, no you can't be my friend, and who's the c**t now? Regards, Russel Brand!"

Incidentally, his Mum was the most supportive woman you'll ever meet, and frequently complained about the bullying, and i imagine she's probably very proud of how her little soldier turned out!

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 05/11/2011 07:39

aurynne calling someone a "fag" is not critisizing them it is homophobic abuse.

Hmm at your perception of critisizing!

babybarrister · 05/11/2011 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudnscary · 05/11/2011 09:28

Fuck this post makes me feel sad - sad that there are so many young people around who take pleasure in hurting and belittling their peers. But also sad that people live their lives on Facebook and Youtube - and I'm talking about adults here!

Towndon · 05/11/2011 10:58

I wouldn't email a link, as the page might have changed by the time they click on it, or it might be restricted so that anyone who's not a "friend" on there can't see it.

Why not print it out and give it to the school instead?

mightymouth · 05/11/2011 13:21

Five Pound - your son sounds amazing but underneath there seems to be a pattern of people bullying him all the time. This needs to stop. You say he draws attention to himself but even so he has a right to be safe just like anyone else. Has he grown a thick skin cos he has had to? Would he agree to clean his fb friends list and remove the people who are nasty? Then he could upload his stuff for his fans without changing it. Keep a screen grab of these nasty remarks - they can be traced or report abuse on the website and have it removed.

noblegiraffe · 05/11/2011 13:34

I'm pretty sure that if kids at school were calling your DS fag and weirdo all the time it would be dealt with as bullying, but because it's on the internet people are saying 'well what do you expect if you upload a video'??