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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DSis sharing a bed with her BF

89 replies

gofrotoes · 04/11/2011 00:34

My Parents are going back to greece for christmas and usually we would all go with them but for various reasons it doesn't really make sence (pregnancy, exams, jobs etc) So we are doing Christmas without them at mine and DHs house.
So there will be - me and DH, dBro1 and partner, dBro2 and DSis.

DBro2 girlfriend is going to come for boxing day but isn't staying (she isn't from too far away).

We live in a small terraced house - so sleeping wise will be a bit of a squeeze.

Anyway DSis will be 17 by the time Christmas rolls by. Her boyfriend (who is 19 - they have been together for about 2/3 yrs but knew each other before that) is in the RAF (and has some time off around christmas :) ) and will be spending Christmas eve and first part of Christmas day with his family (they do their main bit of Christmas eve night).

Anyway DSis BF is staying at ours Christmas day night (boxing day is a big deal for us)

DMum asked about sleeping arrangments over the 3 days and I told her. She hit the roft.

DSis and her BF are having sex, DSis checked with me that her and BF would be sharing a bed (of course).

My parents rule was/is always that you can't share a bed with a girl/boyfriend until you live together - that is always been their rule. Fine

DMum says that DSis is still under 18 and still has to abide by parents rules, especialy if she is still within the 'family' group (if that makes sence).

As far as I'm concerned my house, my rules.

DMum thinks we should continue their rule while they are away, I think that is ridiculous.

AIBU or is she ?

OP posts:

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 05/11/2011 09:33

Still trying to work out the ages...if he was 17 when he left, that would have meant she was 14/15, and they were having sex at that stage in his parents house, with their consent? Eeek.

LittleMissFlustered · 05/11/2011 09:51

Your sister is of legal age. You are an adult. As much as she might want to interfere, your mum has no right to. Carry on.

Original poster

gofrotoes · 05/11/2011 09:51

Maisie she didn't lose her virginity to BF until she was 16 (We had many many conversations about that one, I also went to docs with her.) His parents think fine - they are both over age of consent.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 05/11/2011 12:34

I agree with your house your rules and would have been vague about sleeping arrangements to your parents "it's a long way off we'll think about it later, you don't need to worry about it."
Having said that my parents would never have let me sleep with a boyfriend age 17 and having sex and a regular partner young (and I do think 17 is young) can screw up your career prospects.

PigletJohn · 05/11/2011 12:47

"can screw up your career prospects."

Surely it's the baby that does that, not the sex?

hauntedstateofmind · 05/11/2011 12:50

having sex and a regular partner young (and I do think 17 is young) can screw up your career prospects

This strikes me as a strange comment. 2rebecca where is your evidence for this statement?

duckdodgers · 05/11/2011 13:04

You can only get married with parents' consent though.

You don't need parental permission in Scotland, you can get married at 16 without it.

Thumbwitch · 05/11/2011 13:07

I agree with 2rebecca re. having a regular BF at that age MAY screw up your career prospects. I had one and I based a lot of my decisions about where I would and wouldn't like to go to University around that relationship. I may have made completely different choices (better or worse, who knows?) if I had been single at that time. So it's not really a strange comment, IMO, but quite valid.

2rebecca · 05/11/2011 13:32

There is alot of evidence that women who start having sex young are more likely to get pregnant young (even if using contraception) and do less well educationally and career wise than women who have sex and serious relationships later on.
It may be that we are just talking about different subsections/ groups of women/ girls though and that more acedemic girls are less likely to bother with serious boyfriends when at school than less acedemic ones who wouldn't have gone to university/ been ambitious even if they hadn't had a boyfriend.

2rebecca · 05/11/2011 13:35

academic

fit2drop · 05/11/2011 17:47

silly really, so she could go off and have sex with bf behind the bike shed or down an alley but bugger letting her safely sleep in the same bed as him.

shakes head and wonders off thinking no wonder teens think parents have ridiculous values.

OP your house , your rules, mum needs to aknowledge that her girls are now adullts.
Your mum should be respected, but she needs to respect the fact that you and your sis are adults and can make adult choices. Yes I know she is not 18 but she is of legal age to consent to sex.

dieforrestdie · 05/11/2011 21:25

Your house your rules.
Your parents have their rules, you have yours. simple - not like you're encouaging illegal activity.

Original poster

gofrotoes · 05/11/2011 21:34

Get what you are all saying about having regular partner with all the trappings at 17. But I had sex way before DSis started with her BF - and mine has now become DH. I still did well academically, chose a uni for myself (as did now DH - we went to unis miles apart) and turned out alright generally I like to think. It's not the having that relationship at 17 it is your mentallity about said relationship no the fact you are in a relationship that counts in that situation.

OP posts:

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 05/11/2011 22:45

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you all have a great Christmas

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