Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think continuing the family name is not the most important thing about having a baby

23 replies

HollyFP · 02/11/2011 18:09

Was round at MiL's this afternoon, she was on the phone to her SiL (DH's auntie). Apparently the auntie asked if DH (not me!) was going to have another baby, and if so she hopes it will be a boy so the family name will be continued.

[shocked] Hmm Angry

In fact I am 11 weeks pg (of course she doesn't know yet) but I thought the baby's health was the thing people hoped for?!?!

And she didn't mean it just as a joke; it would've been meant seriously too.

I know it's a small thing but FFS!

OP posts:
ItWasABoojum · 02/11/2011 18:10

YANBU. But also - why can't a girl continue the family name???????

BluddyMoFo · 02/11/2011 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngel · 02/11/2011 18:18

Tell her she'll know when your DH has a baby as it'll be front page news Grin

MrBloomsNursery · 02/11/2011 18:22

Are your in-laws part of the royal family?

IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 18:23

My Dad always (jokingly and NEVER in front of my DC) says they don't matter as much as any children my DBs may produce, as my DC don't continue on his family name. As I know my Dad, and his sense of humour, it doesn't bother me in the slightest! I know how important my DC are to him, and always will be. My friend however, got really upset on my behalf when he said it in front of her.

In the Auntie's defence, she didn't say it was the most important thing! I'm sure the babies health will matter to her more :)

RedHotPokers · 02/11/2011 18:23

Chill out. I'm sure she DOES hope the baby will be healthy.
FWIW, it is often mentioned that my mothers maiden name has completely 'died out' IYSWIM despite a big family, due to an abundance of girls. I have heard it discussed at a number of different family gatherings, and I don't believe anyone meant it in such a way that they are sad that my mum and her DSis and cousins weren't boys. Its just a comment.

ilovedjasondonovan · 02/11/2011 18:29

We had alot of pressure from DH's elder relatives to carry on his name. We were the last to produce kids and after 9 girls we were the last hope to carry on the name. And guess what we had - 2 girls!! ha ha. Thats the end of the name then.

MrsTwinks · 02/11/2011 18:30

when SIL had her second daughter and said no more, they were as the do and I wish they would shut the fuck up discussing when me and DH would have babies (they dont know we are TTC) FIL said he didn't care as long as it was a boy. Some people its the thing, IL's had DH very late and are of that generation I think, boy=heir and all that

oh god I'm going to end up on that thread now... but it IS a generational thing i find

eurochick · 02/11/2011 18:34

I'm sure it's not the only thing they care about but I have kept my own name on marriage and want any kids we have to have it (along with my husband's name) because I am an only child and is my father - if I don't do this the name dies with me. (I also had feminist reasons for wanting to keep my name but those are irrelevant to this thread.) I of course want any children I have to be happy and healthy but I can care about other things in addition to that.

BelfastBloke · 02/11/2011 18:35

ILovedJason - why is that the end of the name?

Surely any of the 11 girls can carry on your surname? Growing up in the 21st century perhaps most of them will?

BarkisIsWillin · 02/11/2011 18:45

Snide comments aside, I do think it is nice to see family names carried on. My mother's maiden name, while not at all unusual, has died out as her only brother had all daughters, and despite my father being one of 11 siblings he is the only one to to have sons, so my 2 brothers are the only ones of my generation to 'carry on the name'. They have 1 son each so the name is only just about hanging in there Smile

Original poster
HollyFP · 02/11/2011 18:58

It's probably a generational thing too; I can't really imagine anyone my age saying it!

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 02/11/2011 19:02

I've heard people my age saying it. No, it's not 'the most important thing', but it is important to a lot of people. If it wasn't important, the decision about keeping your name or not when marrying wouldn't be such a big deal. It's not totally unreasonable, and I don't think she meant anything negative. If you took to heart all the random comments people made, you would go spare!

worraliberty · 02/11/2011 19:04

Did she actually say continuing the family name was the most important thing about having a baby then?

Original poster
HollyFP · 02/11/2011 19:21

She said it was important to keep the name going. Not the most important thing, but it's just the fact that's the first comment she made about our future DC.

OP posts:
mumdad2kidsandadog · 02/11/2011 19:30

I have 2 lovely girls. MIL asked if I would keep trying for a boy to keep the family name but I reassured her they could be umarried mothers and their children would have the same surname. That shut her up.
:)

ScarlettIsWalking · 02/11/2011 19:53

My mother comes from quite an established and cherished Italian family. She has 4 sisters and a brother. The girls all had children, but the only son chose not to have a family, well his wife did, after they got married and it is seen as a real shame. Not a tragedy but certainly a shame.

Towndon · 02/11/2011 19:57

YANBU

Andrewofgg · 02/11/2011 20:10

Almost thirty years ago the firm where I trained acted for the executors of a chap who had started with nothing and left over £30m. Unfortunately his wife and only child, a son, were killed in separate accidents the same day and it?s not surprising that he died eighteen months later.

He and his father were both only sons but his grandfather (paternal) was one of four sons. By a will made just before he died he left legacies to his sister?s son and daughter and a fat gift to a charity, but the bulk went to the male descendants in the male legitimate line of his grandfather?s father ? so to the relations of his name.

It was an interesting job to find them; they were all over the world. And I was amazed at how rellies who would get nothing (women and the descendants of women) were happy to help by telling all that they could remember of Uncle Charlie and his children.

One of my female colleagues thought the will was wrong and unfair, but the rest of us, men and women, thought that she was wrong; the deceased had no dependents who had any claim and it was his business what he did with it. He could have left it to the proverbial cats? home!

auntiepicklebottom2 · 02/11/2011 20:14

the son could be gay and take on his husband surname :)

Mandy2003 · 02/11/2011 20:16

I am an only child so there was no one to carry on my family name. ExP insisted that we gave DS my family name to carry on the line. (He and his brother had sons already).

TryLikingClarity · 02/11/2011 20:19

Well that is something my MIL won't have to crow about.

There have been no females born in DH's family for 4 generations! DH has all brothers, his cousin is male, nephews are male, uncles are male etc etc.

We had DS two years ago and I would love to have a girl to break that trend.

Not that it's the most important thing at all, but it would be nice!

slavetofilofax · 02/11/2011 20:43

But in her mind she is talking about a hypothetical baby. She doesn't know you are pregnant.

You are thinking about your beautiful child that you know is growing inside you, so your take on it is bound to be very different.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread