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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that MIL should have my baby as it's more important than her bloody nails

70 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:21

I am not going to namechange and will probably get flamed AND this should probably not be in AIBU...........but

My children and I are involved in a highly sensitive court trial. My children have given evidence as have I.

My FIL has kindly been picking my daughter up from nursery a couple of times as I have been in court listening to the evidence etc.

The MIL and FIL have booked a last minute getaway, and why not, thayare both retired and have time and money so good luck to them.

However I am slightly pissed off, well actually ALOT pissed off. My MIL has informed me today as they are going away a week Saturday they are no longer able to have the little one for a couple of afternoons. OK, my children and I have given our evidence but, I have said I would have liked all along to listen to the summing up, the verdict being given and the sentencing.

This is all happening from Monday, Ok, I don't have to be there everyday now, but I would like to watch the rest of the proceedings seeing as the defence are up on the stand tomorrow and his testimony is about my children.
I can kind of cope with not being there tomorrow but seriously, I am pissed off I can't get up there at all now for any of it as they are the only ones that can pick up my daughter from nursery and keep her at theirs.

The most they'll have her is around 4 hours

Does it really take 10 days to get the money ordered, hair done, nails done and pack a fucking suitcase?

AIBU to think that 2 maybe 3 afternoons of watching the summing up, verdict, and sentencing really too much.

It's not like i'm asking her to have my DD whilst I go out socialising

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:23

PLUS I know she doesn't have to have my daughter no-one does, I gave birth to her and the responsibilty lies with me, but seeing as this is a highly distressing and highly sensitive case I think the ought to think that this is more important at the moment

OP posts:
mrsrugbydave · 02/11/2011 17:24

YABVU. Why should she? They sound like they've done a lot already. It's your child, she's already brought hers up.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 02/11/2011 17:25

They have probably been very stressed with all this too. Do you have a friend who might help you out if it's such a short amount of time?

cat64 · 02/11/2011 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:26

they've had her I think two afternoons that's not a huge amount really

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 02/11/2011 17:27

"as they are the only ones that can pick up my daughter from nursery and keep her at theirs"

I guess they think that's not their problem and it's something for you to sort out.

GypsyMoth · 02/11/2011 17:28

Not just your responsibility. Where is their dad in all this?

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:28

I have a sister who could do it but she has 2 children both pre-school, one is less than a year old,, she'd have to get 2 buses and travel 50 minutes to get her from nursery then do the trek back again, I think it's asking too much of her.

Yes she does know how important it is for me to be there, I want to see justice served

OP posts:
MummyDoIt · 02/11/2011 17:30

I'm normally a 'your children, your responsibility' person but in this case I think YANBU. This is a highly stressful, highly unusual situation for you, not something you have brought upon yourself or opted to do. Yes, I know you don't have to be there but of course you want to. I do think families ought to be supportive during a crisis and this counts as a crisis to me.

A word of warning on the trial - don't expect the summing up and sentencing to take place immediately after the trial, though. They may well defer sentencing in order to obtain pre-sentencing reports. I'm having some involvement with a court case at the moment - the trial was in August and sentencing still hasn't taken place.

KittyFane · 02/11/2011 17:30

They don't want to do it, not a lot you can do.
YANBU to be annoyed but could you just make do with the 4 hours they are offering?

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:31

The dad has just been off sick with depression, some of this relating to what's been happening, he's just settled back at work so I think it's unreasonable to ask him to take time off for me to go to court.

Summing up is monday, we are hoping the verdict is Tuesday but it could take 30 minutes , it could take 5 days, there's alot of charges , then there's the sentencing so it's alot of 'standy'

OP posts:
FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 02/11/2011 17:31

You don't want to pee your inlaws off, it sounds like they are decent people who will help where they can. Time to look forward, they're going on holiday, you have to now come up with a plan so to enable you to get to court. Don't fall out with them.

fedupofnamechanging · 02/11/2011 17:31

YANBU as far as I'm concerned. I think that something like this court case should take priority and you ought to be able to rely on your family to go out of their way to support you.

What goes around, comes around and the time may well come when they need your support. You will be within your rights to say no, not my problem, like they are effectively doing to you!

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:32

Kitty They have have said no more babysitting, they need to get ready for the holiday they are going on it 10 days time,

OP posts:
FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 02/11/2011 17:33

Would a local childminder help as a one off? Or an agency babaysitter? Admittedly you would have to collect from nursery for the latter but worth a go?

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:35

I didnt think about an agency babysitter tbh , BUT the court is 40 minutes away, so I would get there at 10.30, leave at 11.00 to collect her, then travel 40 minutes back to court for 2.00,

OP posts:
KittyFane · 02/11/2011 17:35

Oh sorry, I thought that they were offering another 4 hours.
Situations like this upset me because you can't take DC, can't leave them, can't go :( It's unfair of them not to help.

GypsyMoth · 02/11/2011 17:36

I think yab a bit unreasonable.

It's not necessary. I got a detailed letter of the summing up of a recent case dd was involved in.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 02/11/2011 17:36

It's very hard. Not sure what to suggest apart from taking her and lots of toys.

cat64 · 02/11/2011 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 02/11/2011 17:37

Oh, I see you can't take her. Drat. I'm stumped.

KittyFane · 02/11/2011 17:37

Karma- I agree with your second paragraph unfortunately :(

AllGoodNamesGone · 02/11/2011 17:38

YANBU. This is a pretty unique situation and I would want to help out if I was them. It's not like you are asking them to have her indefinitely, just while the court case is happening.

Could your sister come and stay with you? I know it's a big ask but I'd do it for my sister in this kind of situation. Can you ask around if anyone knows a childminder who could take her short term? I really feel for you as I know I would want to be there and would be climbing the walls if I couldn't be there - I'd find it hard to forgive my in-laws for something like this tbh.

DogsBestFriend · 02/11/2011 17:39

You are being unreasonable. There is no "should" about it. Your child is YOUR responsibility, your ILs have been kind enough to help out but there is no way that they "should have" your baby, irrespective of reason.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 02/11/2011 17:40

Perhaps tell them again how you really want to be there. Maybe they just don't get how important it is to you to see the verdict etc.