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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that MIL should have my baby as it's more important than her bloody nails

70 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 02/11/2011 17:21

I am not going to namechange and will probably get flamed AND this should probably not be in AIBU...........but

My children and I are involved in a highly sensitive court trial. My children have given evidence as have I.

My FIL has kindly been picking my daughter up from nursery a couple of times as I have been in court listening to the evidence etc.

The MIL and FIL have booked a last minute getaway, and why not, thayare both retired and have time and money so good luck to them.

However I am slightly pissed off, well actually ALOT pissed off. My MIL has informed me today as they are going away a week Saturday they are no longer able to have the little one for a couple of afternoons. OK, my children and I have given our evidence but, I have said I would have liked all along to listen to the summing up, the verdict being given and the sentencing.

This is all happening from Monday, Ok, I don't have to be there everyday now, but I would like to watch the rest of the proceedings seeing as the defence are up on the stand tomorrow and his testimony is about my children.
I can kind of cope with not being there tomorrow but seriously, I am pissed off I can't get up there at all now for any of it as they are the only ones that can pick up my daughter from nursery and keep her at theirs.

The most they'll have her is around 4 hours

Does it really take 10 days to get the money ordered, hair done, nails done and pack a fucking suitcase?

AIBU to think that 2 maybe 3 afternoons of watching the summing up, verdict, and sentencing really too much.

It's not like i'm asking her to have my DD whilst I go out socialising

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 02/11/2011 18:03

Under these circumstances I dont think you are being unreasonable at all.

WineOhWhy · 02/11/2011 18:03

Sorry, took too long to type. Glad it is sorted.

CurrySpice · 02/11/2011 18:06

Good for your sis and DN :o

OP I wish you all the best for the case

KittyFane · 02/11/2011 18:24

Glad you have got something sorted out :)

pengymum · 02/11/2011 18:27

YANBU - this is an exceptional situation and personally, I think would rather my grandchild was with me than looked after by a cm where possible. Packing for a holiday is not difficult especially when is only 2 of you and not an acceptable excuse!

I am of the viewpoint that family rallies round when necessary and that means putting yourself out if need be. Don't agree with this - your child, your problem! In my world, it is my child but also my family and if I have a problem, then they are there to help - their niece/nephew/grandchild as well!
I don't expect everyone to drop everything for me but I do expect them to make a reasonable effort to help where they can and I offer the same courtesy myself.

I would not expect the ILs to cancel or delay holiday to babysit but a hol that is 10 days away would not even be a consideration for me! They are not having her all day after all! Of course if they have health or mobility issues that is something else but if they are fit and well then they ABU!

ChippingInAutumnLover · 02/11/2011 18:32

I'm glad your sister & niece can help you out.

YANBU though - they said they would do it, they should have kept to that. It doesn't take 10 days to get ready... though most people over a certain age seem to think it does It's all that bloody ironing they do!!

I hope the court case goes as well as it can for you.

discrete · 02/11/2011 18:37

YANBU - but look on the upside. They have hereby absolved you of any sense of guilt when they get old and need assistance - you can just say you need the time to do your nails and they can go stuff themselves.

I just don't get this whole 'no duty to your children/gc' attitude. These are the only people liable to give a shit about your life when you get old.

No wonder so many elderly people die alone and depressed, if this is the way they treated their family.

cat64 · 02/11/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/11/2011 07:22

Glad you've got it sorted, OP. Please don't forget to thank your inlaws and make sure that you do something to acknowledge their kindness. I'm sure they need their holiday as they have also been through a stressful time with their son, your husband.

You weren't being unreasonable - but neither were they.

themightyfandango · 03/11/2011 07:23

YANBU

Half of what is wrong with this country is lack of family solidarity these days imo.

Reminds me of when Ds2 was born. Twenty four hours after the birth Dh and Ds1 caught a horrible sickness bug-think all night vomiting. After struggling on for a day I asked my parents to come and help out with ds1 for a couple of hours so dh could get some sleep.

Their answer, no because they had arranged to meet friends for lunch and couldnt possibly cancancel. My parents dont do babysitting even in times of need it would seem. I will remember that day as they get old and infirm.

We might have been contagious and a sicky child is not pleasant but ffs I would it for my gc in a shot.

PicaK · 03/11/2011 08:11

Can I just say that looking after kids is exhausting and knackering and their holiday is coming up. Why should they have to go off on their much-looked-forward to holiday feeling worn out because you WANT to go to court rather than HAVE to?

They have rallied round. I think you are in danger of not appreciating them.

Plus, if it's so important - how come it's not even occurred to you to pay for a taxi for your sister? I realise you are having crap stressful time at the moment but you come across as a bit me, me, me.

Shakey1500 · 03/11/2011 08:16

The absolute bottom line is that YABU but in all honesty I totally understand why you are angry. There are very obvious extenuating circumstances in this and it's not as if you're asking them to cancel work or make massive rearrangements. Yes, blah blah they shouldn't have to do it, but it wouldn't take an awful shift for them to do it. I hope you get something sorted.

Adversecamber · 03/11/2011 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunnydelight · 03/11/2011 08:32

I'm glad it's sorted. Is it possible though that it's not so straightforward for your in laws? I don't know (or want to know) the details, but maybe they have found the whole thing hugely stressful, or perhaps they want to support you but don't necessarily agree with what is going on. I'm speculating, but it sounds like they have been pretty supportive so far so it would be a real shame to think badly of them when they might have their own reasons, whether or not you agree with them.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 03/11/2011 09:22

I was wondering the same as Sunny. Do your in laws perhaps worrying that you and DH are are being affected too badly by the case (you say DH has been off due to stress of this). Perhaps now they have enabled you to attend the bit of the trial you had to attend they are hoping by withdrawing childcare for the rest of it you might be able to get you away from it a bit. To give a bit of physical and mental distance from what is going on. I'm not saying they should as you're an adult but might explain why supportive in laws are being suddenly selfish.

tamitots · 03/11/2011 09:42

YABU - ho long has this case already been going on?????

Did you think for one momment they may think you are taking the piss out of them and by telling you this about the holiday is them telling you nicely to find someone else to sort it out.....

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 03/11/2011 09:46

YABU you don't NEED to see justive served....you just want to. Your DC your problem.

BendyBob · 03/11/2011 10:25

Yanbu. Not at all. Really hope all is sorted out for you satisfactorily. Sounds a stressful time

I do wonder whether past a certain age some people just become very centred on the one thing they happen to have on at the time and expand it to fit the time available.

My parents (not infirm or terrinbly eldery) make a huge deal about the smallest of chores ie trips for a haircut or to the doctor. They allocate whole days or mornings for things that most people squeeze in perfectly well round other jobs and errands and it involves much 'getting ready to go' and stopping for coffee to mull it all over. I think they have just become very rigid about their day.

Of course no way can they be expected to fit anything else in. At least not without much agonising. If they must, they become quite agitated and then as my dad likes to say in exasperation, 'It's been absolute non-stop chaos here..!'

(The definintion of 'chaos' is my house at 8am)

cat64 · 03/11/2011 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nailak · 03/11/2011 10:42

yanbu, the ils should be supporting their family in difficult times, yanbu to expect that this is what families do, go out of their way to help each other, and yanbu to think that they should get their priorities straight.

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