for feeling a bit uncomfortable (actually a bit pissed off) about this?

[TheTenantOfWildfellHall]

My DD (5) is a tiny thing and when she wears dresses we tend to put leggings on underneath, if she's not wearing tights, to protect her modesty. This is basically because even the smallest knickers can gape and leave little to the imagination. She wears short leggings under her school uniform for the same reason.

A couple of weeks ago my mum and her partner popped round unexpectedly. DD was wearing a dress but because we were in the house she wasn't wearing the leggings. I came back from the kitchen and was a little uncomfortable to find that DD was sitting down displaying everything she's got and rather than saying "ooh sweetheart lets sort your dress out" or discreetly pulling her dress down a bit, my mum was sitting on the sofa nudging her partner and pointing so that he would look too.

There are several issues with my mum and she has a bit of a habit of being inappropriate - several things over the years. For example, when I was 22, her P at the time candidly told us that he could see my boobs if he looked up the sleeve of a traditional African dress I wore around the house (I had no idea). I was mortified, my mum laughed and asked him whose he preferred, he said he didn't get a good enough look and so perhaps we ought to let him judge properly - which she thought was hilarious and couldn't see the problem with it at all! That sort of thing.

So consequently we limit the amount of time my mum spends with the children unsupervised and would never leave her and her P with them unsupervised.

So would you think it was a bit 'odd' if your mum did this or am I being a bit oversensitive because of other issues we have with her? I'm not sure I can tell anymore!

I think it's odd she wears leggings to 'protect her modesty' at age 5!?

I think it's odd you feel you need to supervise her grandmother too

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I cannot believe that you have put up with her for all of these years. Does she come around often to humiliate you? It's also worth considering whether your keeness for your daughter to 'keep her modesty', was the fact that your mother didn't really have any.

You poor thing. She sounds twonkers (twat and bonkers)

UANBU

Really?

There's little point in referring to her 'privates' if they're there for all to see on show and she's go no idea about it! It's one thing if she's running around nekkid but when she's supposed to be dressed.

Tbf, I think the feeling she needs to be covered comes from being around my mum!

YANBU - of course you want to protect her modesty at 5 and as for encouraging her partner to have a good old look ...well thats just wrong and frankly very strange!

You were 22, I'm surprised that incident means you don't think she should be unsupervised round her grandchild

There must be more to it than this as you are innapropriately over reacting.

I think your Mum sounds odd, and you are probably right that your need to keep your dd modest has come from her strange behaviour.

I think you need to address this though, because if it has affected you to the extent that you don't allow your 5yo dd to wear a skirt without leggings underneath, then it has probably affected you more than you think it has.

YANBU OP, sounds very strange indeed. I am just gobsmacked by the story about your mum's former partner's comments to you and even more by your mum's reaction to it! I don't know what to advise you but I'm sorry this is happening

YANBU. I think that was a completely strange response from your mum. It would make me feel really concerned.

There is Laurie, I just wondered whether that in itself would be an issue for other people.

When DS was 5 and none of us had met her P, she didn't see the problem with DS stopping overnight and sleeping in the same bed as them.

I couldn't make her see that I wasn't comfortable with this and that I felt it was inappropriate for a child to be sharing a bed with a strange man and she finally yelled at me "I had no idea you were such a prude. If it's that important to you I'll make sure P is wearing pants in bed!"

Which just made it worse. So yes, she just seems to have some funny ideas.

That's the thing though, nothing really major, just lots of little things.

slavetofilofax actually you're probably right about that. I hadn't thought about it. I have no issue with her being naked on the beach or that sort of thing, or getting changed at swimming pools or whatever, I think it's the idea of someone having a look whilst she's oblivious to it.

But yes, come to think of it, she does wear leggings under dresses all the time.

I think your mum expecting her grandaughter to spend the night sharing a bed with a stranger is a big thing. Huge actually.

No YANBU. That is not a normal reaction by your mother.

Trust your instincts OP. My alarm bells are ringing off the hook after your last post. Sorry but I think not understanding these sometimes subtle but mutually understood conventions is very concerning. I am by no means a prude but I would also not want my DD year old to be unwittingly displaying her private parts.

I also think its odd for a 5 year old to be wearing leggings under everything. Your mother appears to be behaving inappropriately but does she not do it to wind you up as you appear to be the other extreme?

I was about to tell you that YABU when I read about 'protecting her modesty' (she is only 5 after all), but YADNBU!

Poor you, it must be tough having to encourage a grandmother/granddaughter relationship whilst not feeling entirely comfortable with her behaviour, or her partner. :(

Your mum is definitely odd, no doubt about that.

But I'm not getting the need for the leggings. If her pants are too big then smaller pants?

Your mum sounds very odd.

Also don't get why people think you're strange for putting leggings on her when she wears a dress coz if her knickers arnt covering her bits properly and the wind blows her skirt up then she's gonna be showing all she's got.

How was your childhood with your mum?

Has she 'changed' since new p arrived on the scene?

I would think that "protecting her modesty" is just a cute little phrase. I know what you mean OP.

YANBU about this.

Worrying about your DD's modesty sounds a bit extreme to me, but I guess it is a reaction to your mum's lack of boundaries?

I think the fact that your dd always wears leggings under a dress is odd.

However, I think your mum sounds very strange.

I would never consider it appropriate for my DC to sleep in a bed with someone I did not know and I would say no if my mum suggested it too. I don't know any mums - other than yours - who would think this was ok.

I don't think so, TCL I don't think she's aware really.

The bed sharing conversation concerned my son and happened nearly 8 years ago. Since then I haven't really said anything to her because it caused such a huge row that spilled over into the rest of the family and caused ridiculous problems for months! She took it as a sign of me not accepting her new P into the family. I've never been anything other than polite to him since meeting him, I just wasn't comfortable with my son sharing a bed with him, nearly naked, the first time he met him and before we had.

So consequently, I've controlled the time they're together. Not in an obvious way, I'm not a prison guard! I just engineer the visits such that she is not on their own with the children when her dP is also there.

I don't understand why people think 'protecting the child's modesty' is in any way strange.

As I'm reading it, if she sits cross legged etc, her gentials will be on display. I'm assuming smaller pants won't solve the issue if she has incredibly slim thighs? I too would put my daughter in leggings rather than have her on display.

YANBU. As others have said, very odd on both occasions. It would really upset me if my mother behaved like this.

And don't think it is odd to wear leggings either, why would it be?