for feeling a bit uncomfortable (actually a bit pissed off) about this?

[TheTenantOfWildfellHall]

My DD (5) is a tiny thing and when she wears dresses we tend to put leggings on underneath, if she's not wearing tights, to protect her modesty. This is basically because even the smallest knickers can gape and leave little to the imagination. She wears short leggings under her school uniform for the same reason.

A couple of weeks ago my mum and her partner popped round unexpectedly. DD was wearing a dress but because we were in the house she wasn't wearing the leggings. I came back from the kitchen and was a little uncomfortable to find that DD was sitting down displaying everything she's got and rather than saying "ooh sweetheart lets sort your dress out" or discreetly pulling her dress down a bit, my mum was sitting on the sofa nudging her partner and pointing so that he would look too.

There are several issues with my mum and she has a bit of a habit of being inappropriate - several things over the years. For example, when I was 22, her P at the time candidly told us that he could see my boobs if he looked up the sleeve of a traditional African dress I wore around the house (I had no idea). I was mortified, my mum laughed and asked him whose he preferred, he said he didn't get a good enough look and so perhaps we ought to let him judge properly - which she thought was hilarious and couldn't see the problem with it at all! That sort of thing.

So consequently we limit the amount of time my mum spends with the children unsupervised and would never leave her and her P with them unsupervised.

So would you think it was a bit 'odd' if your mum did this or am I being a bit oversensitive because of other issues we have with her? I'm not sure I can tell anymore!

Meant to add, and if it's the other way round and she is relaxed about nudity, then she wouldn't point and nudge ? surely she just wouldn't notice or wouldn't react at all.

And I am no prude. I've been accused before on here of having 'bohemian values', whatever they are.

MintAero tbh, she's very skinny and even when the knickers fit around her, they still gape around the tops of her thighs and are loose.

Your mum and partner are odd, full-stop.

I think the wearing legging senario is a bit OTT for a 5 yr old. Maybe either well-fitting nicks or even some of those shorties/hot pant type nicks with more coverage would be better.

Do any of her friends wear leggings all the time too? You don't want your daughter to think her 'privates' are something to be ashamed of and so she has to double-hide them.

I'm a teacher and I always see all the girls nicks, but what's lovely is that they don't care, or notice everyone elses knickers. You may be making a bigger issue out of this than is necessary.

I think I might need to get me some of those bohemian values!

OP - wearings leggings is NOT a big deal it's actually a bloody good idea in this weather particularly if your DD is slight. Keep her warm.
To be honest if you want to put them on her to protect her modesty as you put it then fine. NOT a big deal. Really, really not a big deal.
Just keep a watchful eye on Grandma and her bloke. She is inappropriate. So is he by the sounds of it.

Actually if one of my 5 yr old pupils constantly wore leggings under her school pinnie, I would think there was something nasty her parents were trying to hide!

Tenant, do ? if indeed I do live by them they are quite fun!

MrsOzz Where I work a lot of the girls wear leggings or short skirts under their uniform, it's not a big deal at all.

Why would they wear short skirts under skirts?

If the girl wore leggings long like tights then it's obvious to keep warm. But the poster tucks them up to hide them under the skirt. That's what I think send the message to double hide her bits.

OP, we have a skinny legs, all over the place type problem, and have found Gap knickers the only ones that don't gape. (no pun intended!) We do still have to go a size or two smaller, but they fit really well. Keep well clear of John Lewis and M&S though.

MrsOzz, I'm beginning to think you might be right.

I'm also a teacher and I know exactly what you mean.

It hadn't even really occurred to me that I was being a bit OTT with DD and the leggings. To the point where I bought her a new dress in the Summer and she's never worn it because she hasn't got any leggings to match!!! I can see now that I am of course! You're right, I don't want her to be ashamed and I'm not of the 'paedo on every corner' variety either. No none of her friends wear leggings, and there aren't any girls who are covered for cultural reasons at her school so I now think they must think I'm a bit odd!! The ones she wears are only mid-thigh length, so quite short, but still there. Like I've said before, I don't have an issue with people - men, women, children - seeing her knickers or seeing her running around on the beach/in the garden naked - she's always stripping off, it's just the whole thing of someone being able to see her 'bits' when she's not aware of it because she's dressed. IYSWIM.

I'm glad I'm not being U with regards to my mum though. It's more of a feeling of being uncomfortable but not having one concrete incident to base it on, just lots of little indications of inappropriate boundaries really.

Funny isn't it, if I was the parent of a child in my class, I'm sure I'd be forming all sorts of opinions about the mum, but when it's so close to home, it can get a bit skewed!

Thanks mustdash will send DH on a shopping trip tomorrow. That might solve one of my problems at least!

I don't think you're being OTT with the leggings. DD usually wears trousers or jeans so consequently tends to forget when when she's wearing dresses to be a bit more ladylike, for want of a better phrase. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or self conscious by nagging her to keep her legs together/knees away from her ears or whatever weird and wonderful way she's decided to sit that day - easier to get her to wear leggings. I work on the basis that the general public would rather not see an 8 yo flashing rather than worry about the 0.05% who would!

Regarding your Mother, if you're uncomfortable then you're uncomfortable. I don't think yabu at all.

Yes I think finding some good fitting nicks will solve your problems. I think relaxing about school-wear is the key. Just let her be like everyone else. You know she is safe and happy there too.

Then just choose 'suitable' outfits when your mum and P will be about. Chances are she will pick up on their oddness when she become more body aware. But you don't want that awareness to spread to every aspect of her life. She should be allowed to relax and be a child a school.

i dont think it is weird to put cycling shorts on under skirts, i would say quite common? especially for active girls, who like climbing, jumping etc?

so op, just because there are some vocal opinions saying it is weird, remember there are also many who dont think it is weird. If you DO mind people seeing your dds privates/underwear, then there is nothing wrong with that, just as others disagree, your values and opinions are not invalid.

yanbu it is just weird that a woman/man would draw attention specifically to a childs privates. particularly in front of a non related male.

my dd will sleep in the same bed as my dm and her dp, she sees him as her dgf. and i am comfortable with that.

No its not weird to put leggings/cycling shorts under skirts BUT not ALL of the time and it is a bit weird not to let DD wear a dress because she doesn't have leggings to match.

YANBU about the leggings - if you want her to wear them, I think it is fine and they are just long pants (bit like those magic pants adult women wear under dresses anyway!) and having skinny kids, I know what you mean about clothes gaping and not fitting! I think for anyone to say there is anything wrong, in this day and age, in wearing whatever you want is BU!
You want your kids to wear leggings with other clothes then that's perfectly ok in my book. Lots of small kids outfits come with matching leggings anyway.

As to your mum - she sounds very odd but as you haven't had any other issues growing up, I would just be wary and not leave kids with her unsupervised.

No way would any of my kids ever be sharing beds with non family, let alone someone I haven't met!

she doesnt wear it all of the time, just when in public, otherwise she would have been wearing it at home at time of incident.....

Why leggings and not tights?

The wooly ones out now are very cute.

I never liked dresses on DD when she was small for similar reasons, also she was a bit of an, erm, flasher

to clarify my dms dp is a long term one and i have met him hundreds of times,

and it is a bit weird to not wear a dress because no matching leggings, i just use pink/white/black with most things and dont worry if they are not exactly matching

I thought OP has previously said its every time she wears a dress. Apologies if misread.

re the dress without matching leggings (or cycling shorts might be better term) you can have contrasting ones!

I have always told my kids that they must always remember to put pants on - no wandering round without pants (hygiene as well as modesty)

TCL she doesn't wear leggings in the house if it's just us there, but she does if we are in public or know people are coming round. I know it sounds a bit strange, but it's just usual for us now. So yes, everytime she wears a dress out of the house or in front of people who aren't us.

She does wear tights out now it's getting colder, but wore leggings in the summer.

nailak It was a party dress - if that excuses my lack of matching leggings/not wearing thing at all

I wouldn't have an issue with the bed sharing in the circumstances you describe either. I honestly thought when I said it wasn't appropriate that she'd just say "oh of course it's not, what was I thinking!" but she insisted, canvassed opinions at her workplace and told me I would be damaging his social development by not exposing him to other people! That's where it's wrong IMO. It caused huge problems, she phoned DH up when she knew I'd be out and criticised me to him - it didn't go down well when he agreed with me.

Think the leggings are a great idea, wish more parents would think more carefully about their DD's gaping nicks

My dd wears leggings as I think her skirts are too short and she itches in tights