to be offended by this?

[CailinDana]

My FIL is a racist. He would say he isn't but he is. To give background, I'm Irish, PILs (and DH of course) are English but they lived in Ireland for over 10 years when DH was little. We had the PILs to stay at the weekend while we did up the kitchen and FIL commented that I should say to my parents that I did the work myself and that I "didn't need to get a Paddy or a Pole in to do it for me." My response was (lightheartedly) "Well I did have to get a Paddy in, but the Paddy was me." He had no response for that. Thinking back on it I'm really annoyed that he basically used a racist term for Irish people in front of me. My main concern is that if he keeps making these sort of remarks that DS, when he's older, will start to pick up on them.

Other gems include calling the Chinese person next door a "cufflink" . Should I say something, or just let it go?

Thanks for that Whatmeworry .

katiepoes I don't think that Paddy implies thick. I think it is to do with St Patrick and it being a common name in Ireland. It can be used by someone as an insult, in the same way that Taffy, Sassenach etc can be used as insults, but isn't inherently insulting in itself imo.

I find 'Paddy' offensive.I find no reason to define anyone by their ethnicity.

Irish isn't an ethnicity.

Yes it is Bride. Ethnicity refers to a person's national, ractial, religious, or linguistic background. "Irish" is a tick-box on the NHS forms for recording ethnicity. I'm not sure why you think Irish people don't exist?

WHITE Irish is an ethnicity. WHITE British or WHITE Other are ethnicities. Irish on its own is a nationality. British on its own is a nationality. Not an ethnicity.

So ethnicity is only to do with colour? So people from the Caribbean and from Ethiopia are the same ethnicity if they're all black? First I've heard of it

I dont think yabu OP, or oversensitive. My father, years ago when my children were small, said the word Paki. I told him that if he ever used that word in front of my children again he would not be allowed to see them. I cant stand it. The use of the word paddy/pole was used in a racist context IMO.

A funny story from that though: when my son was at infant school he said to his teacher that one of the boys kept crying because the other kids were calling him Parker Stanley. My son couldnt understand and said to the teacher 'I dont know who Parker Stanley is but it is really upsetting him when the others call it him!' The teacher eventually found that it was an asian boy and the kids were calling him Pakistani! My son had never heard that used, the teacher thought it was hillarious.

I think when we enter a world where "Paddy" and "Pole" are considered offensive we are entering the world of the Desperate-To-Be-Offended.

To quote from the satiricalblog Things White People Like:

"As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.

It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended. They read magazines, books, and watch documentaries all in hopes that one day they will encounter a person who will say something offensive. When this happens, they can leap into action with quotes, statistics, and historical examples. Once they have finished lecturing another white person about how it?s wrong to use the term ?black? instead of ?African-American,? they can sit back and relax in the knowledge that they have made a difference.

White people also get excited at the opportunity to be offended at things that are sexist and/or homophobic. Both cases offering ample opportunities for lectures, complaints, graduate classes, lengthy discussions and workshops. All of which do an excellent job of raising awareness among white people who hope to change their status from ?not racist? to ?super not racist.?

Paddy and Pole are such meagre pickings though....I mean,the word for a Polish person is....well...a Pole! If you actually wanted to be insulting "Polack" is better. Ditto for Irish. Paddy is like Pom or Jock or Strine or Yank. Mick is way more insulting, Bogtrotter is getting there....

think it depends what you find offensive TBH.

There's a lot of 'yes it is' 'no it isn't' going on here. I've already said it would offend me being called a paddy. It clearly doesn'rt bother others so how can anyone state categorically what is or isn't offensive?

Calling those of us that it would bother over-sensitive and easily offended just because other terms are worse makes no sense btw.

I know this may sound naive of me (and i apologise) but surely if Japs is racist then surely Brits is too??

Wanders off to find something that doesn't confuse her so much as racism

It clearly doesn'rt bother others so how can anyone state categorically what is or isn't offensive?

Just because you find something offensive, it does not mean you are reasonable in taking offense.

The word for a Polish person is a Pole, so it is off-the-scale unreasonable to be offended at that. The word Paddy is a very mild and common slang term for the Irish, and has been for centuries - there are Irish pubs, people, drinks, companies, songs etc all with Paddy in them, so its pretty unreasonable to get in a paddy over that.

Add to that its an older person from a different world being pulled up here, and it starts to look like a bit of ageist intolerance. There have been semantic and language fashion shifts - for example my parents' generation detested swearing in public, our generation swears like sailors far more. Our generation doesn't like some of the words they used as normal, polite terms then. We are not "right", they are not "wrong".

I can absolutely guarantee that some of the words you think are "right on" now will be seen as Non-U when you are doddering around your grandkids, and some of the words your adult kids use will grate on your sensibilities as much.

< I can't tolerate intolerant people :o >

Whatmeworry I wouldn't take offense at being called a Mick, now bogtrotter might make me raise an eyebrow (just the one mind).