AIBU re: Divorce and pensions.

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Talking at work yesterday. Most of the women in my office believe i am wrong for staking a claim on my ex husbands pension. One said to me, as the main bread winner in her family, it is not her fault if her husband has no pension and she would be discusted if he tried to take some of hers.

Is this the consensus view?

I was a bit shocked tbh.

It is the only thing i am taking, here was no house, there are debts, which are bing jointly paid. He was forces, so i gave up a chance of a career to follow him around. The pension is the only pay off i shall get. The only thing to compensate in any way. I know it makes no difference in the eyes of the law, but we split up because of years of constant affairs and emotional and physical abuse.

So - AIBU to take a percentage of his pension? and am i doing women a dis service by doing so?

Oh God, now I feel a prat - I didn't recognise the name! . Ignore me

wheryouleftit Yes! IMVHO, she still has 2 legs! She still has the ability to do anything she wants.

Just because you can take something, doesn't always mean you should even if she had given up work to care for him (which she didn't) I still believe that it does take a certain type of person to take money meant to ease the suffering of someone who has had their life changed for ever.

Hmm that should be a

Got distracted talking to DS about a banana!

Fair is a very subjective thing.

There are a wealth of benefits and payments to which you will be entitled but he will not.

He won that (probably tiny) pension watching his buddies being shot at by snipers and blown up by landmines. Your claim to part of it is because you brought up kids you would have chosen to bring up anyway, just for the love of it. Or did he fall to his knees and beg you to have them, in exchange for half his pension?

If you find him in a ditch in a alchoholic stupor in a few years time, unable to put a roof over his head with no benefits to support him, make sure you drop him a crisp 20 as you pull away in your new husbands Mercedes.

But YANBU. Because solicitor says its your right.

I don't think that an HM Forces pension (depending on the age and rank of the OPs husband) could be described as tiny Lassylass. If he stays in he will have food, accommodation and his salary and pension still.

When my parents divorced, pension splitting was not in sadly, as my Mum after 27 years of navy wifedom could have done with a share, especially as she also gave up work to move around and abroad as well.

Watchout - yes, claim it. I have no pension provision for the past 5 years as I gave up teaching to follow dh abroad, and any job I did here would pay into the Belgian, and not the UK system, so pointless. This is now part of the divorce package, so do it.

Lassylass, that's an extraordinary thing to say. I doubt he begged her to bear his children, but equally I doubt he woke up from a heavy night's drinking to find the OP had tricked him into joining the army!

Lassy.
Firstly, It will be anything but tiny.
Secondly, hes not infantry....
Thirdly, I've paid the physcological price of my husband being at war and not hearing from him for weeks on end too....
Forthly, anything that happens to him.in 20 years time Will be of no concern to me, barring the effect it may have on dd. The man was physically and mentally abusing me for pretty much our entire marriage.
Fifthky. My next husbands Mercedes....... I can't even be bothered to comment on this, its too ridiculous.

Sixthly, his pension was also earnt when he was on normal duty..... Or adventure training, or other fun, or generally non stressful activity..

What spectacularly stupid post, lassylass...