Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about my mum ignoring my feelings on this?

67 replies

Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 19:49

I am not sure tbh!

I am a radical Nestle boycotter, so not just Nestle brand but any brand connected with them. I dont expect my parents to follow it too, although they dont buy Nescrape coffee anymore.

But, on a Sunday they take the kids out for an hour and always buy them a bar of chocolate or bag of sweets on their way home and always ALWAYS there is atleast one and usually 2 Nestle products amongst them. The kids know that we dont have that brand (and why) and according to DD mum and dad pick the sweets and then share them out.

I dont ask them to follow the boycott but surely they should respect my request to not give them to the children? Mum usually just shrugs, smirks and says "Oh well you didnt buy them so it doesnt count does it?" Well yes, I tbink it does actually! I do sometimes wonder if it deliberate because I know she thinks that the boycott wont change anything. She only stopped buying Nescrape because her church started supporting the boycott.

It isnt like there arent plenty of other choices of chocolate is there?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 19:51

I should add that my dad has very poor sight and wouldnt know if he had picked up a bar of chocolate or a bar of soap half the time, so I have no beef with him. When he was picked up on it once by dd2 when mum wasnt there, he put it back and told her show him where the Cadburys stuff was.

OP posts:
Gigondas · 30/10/2011 19:52

Tricky one- your mum is being unreasonable if ignoring you but if kids ask for something I can see why she would treat them(my grandad would bring secret stash of sweets when he came ro babysit each week "behind my mums back" . I knew my mum wouldn't like it but it was our naughty secret - as a kid I wanted sweets rather than rationing for good health reasons).

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 19:53

And please ignore the crappy grammar and typos, its been a long day :o

OP posts:
ChippingInAutumnLover · 30/10/2011 19:53

YABU

Yes - there are plenty of other choices out there, but tbh I don't think it's really fair to impose your beliefs on her. What she chooses to do with her money is up to her, it's not as if the product itself is going to hurt the kids.

It's your choice not to support Nestle - it's really up to your Mum to make her own choice.

Sorry.

EllaDee · 30/10/2011 19:54

It would wind me up that your mum smirks about it - to her it is obviously an irrational preference, but it's rude of her to treat you so patronizingly when, as you say, it's not hard to go for a different chocolate bar.

I would tell her that you understand she doesn't much care about the boycott, but it's something you do care about, and it's a little thing, so can she please respect that?

It'd be a right pain if one of your DC got a taste for kitkats or whatever, wouldn't it?

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 19:55

Thats what I though Gig, but the reason I am posting now is because I found out today that usually Dad and the kids wait outside the (very small) shop and mum nips in, buys a selection of stuff and then shares them out when she comes back out.

So it is her choosing. But I dont want to discuss it with her until I am sure IANBU!

OP posts:
onepieceofcremeegg · 30/10/2011 19:55

I think you should let this go tbh. I also boycott Nestle, I have vaguely mentioned it to my mum once or twice but never pushed it. My dd1 (7) often chooses Nestle sweets when she is with other adults (forbidden fruits I guess!)

In my case I just accept that my mum is very kind and generous with her time and in other ways so I am not going to make a big deal of something that clearly isn't a big deal to her.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 30/10/2011 19:55

However, IF your kids support your ban and don't just go along with it because they have to (sorry, can't remember how old they are) then they should say, 'Thank you for the offer, but I don't support Nestle so wont eat that one'... then your Mum might stop buying it for them, as it is she probably thinks they like the things you've said you don't buy...

MoaninMinny · 30/10/2011 19:55

gawd, heaven help us

the day i let someone dictate to me what i can and cant buy/eat/consume, is the day i give up

Kellamity · 30/10/2011 19:55

I feel the same as Chippy unless you think your mum is choosing Nestle on purpose just to wind you up - that's just mean and petty!

Andrewofgg · 30/10/2011 19:55

YABU - boycott is the choice of an individual adult and you are one of those and your mother is another.

onepieceofcremeegg · 30/10/2011 19:56

I wonder if you and your mother have a slightly tricky relationship anyway? Mine wouldn't smirk if I mentioned nestle sweets (although tbh I wouldn't pull her up on it). She would probably just vaguely say ok.

Does your mum have form for undermining you generally? Is this about more than kitkats or randoms?

zippadeedoodaa · 30/10/2011 19:57

OP i sympathise. If you were vegitarian and your mum kept feeding them meat for example , you feel similarly strongly on this issue so she should respect your feelings.

MenopausalHaze · 30/10/2011 19:58

YABVVVVVU - do what YOU have to but ffs leave everyone else out of it! You've no business at all imposing your shit on the world!

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 19:59

She does belittle it, thats why I mentioned the smirk. Its a kind of "oh here we go again, Bogey has still got her knickers in a knot"

I respect her choices, for example when she is talking to me about her church and asking me to help her with something for it. As an atheist I suppose I should say no, but I dont see it as a favour to the church but a favour to her. I see this in the same way, she doesnt have to believe in the boycott but just do it as a favour to me.

OP posts:
ShellyBoobs · 30/10/2011 20:00

YABU.

Your mum is possibly buying Nestle on purpose because she's not happy about you trying to dictate to her what she should boycott.

troisgarcons · 30/10/2011 20:00

From your OP

I dont expect my parents to follow it too

I dont ask them to follow the boycott but surely they should respect my request to not give them to the children?

She only stopped buying Nescrape because her church started supporting the boycott

Riiight - buying or not buying? . Coz acordin to you she stopped buying, buys and ignores you on a boycott.

FWIW - you are pretentious. Nestle wont collapse because one yurt dwelling, yogurt knitting, pube plaiting, wanna-save-the-world, montessori tree hugging doo-gooder says so.

Gigondas · 30/10/2011 20:00

Ah in which case yanbu if mum is choosing- I know my step sister goes mad at my mum at sneaky McDonald's visit with her kids . I am assuming you don't have many rules (ie you are not making things more tricky than need be which tbh my step sister can do) so given circs it's not unreasonable for your mum to respect your choice (plus cadburys so much nicer ).

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/10/2011 20:00

I don't know how old your children are, OP, but I wouldn't foist my political opinions on them if they're young. Yours know the whys and wherefores? I don't know what is the optimum age for children to become politically aware but those are your beliefs and I think if you dug hard enough, you'd find behaviour you don't like in every company you purchase from.

You could just ask your mum to stop buying your children chocolate.

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:09

She doesnt buy the coffee because she signed up to a something or other at her church. She doesnt believe in the boycott though, and I did say to her that she shouldnt have signed up to the campaign then!

So why can she stop buying Nescafe because the church says so but still buy the sweets when her dd asks her not to?

Okaaaaay.....
Well Menopausal I did say that I didnt expect her to follow the boycott, just to not buy nestle sweets for the kids once a week! I dont see that as "imposing my shit on the world"

The children do understand the boycott, although the younger ones dont know the more gruesome or political details. The older ones do and fully support it but find it hard to say no in the face of grandma and sweets (which I sympathise with! I wouldnt ask them to do that)

And Onepiece yes we have had a very tricky relationship over the years, although we have had a genuine truce and friendship for the last 5 years or so. But maybe old habits die hard perhaps? She was very derogatory of my membership of Amnesty when I was a teenager, she is a bit of a "one person wont make a difference" type person.

She doesnt buy the coffee because she signed up to a something or other at her church. She doesnt believe in the boycott though, and I did say to her that she shouldnt have signed up to the campaign then!

So why can she stop buying Nescafe because the church says so but still buy the sweets when her dd asks her not to?

I am not bothered about sneaky maccies visits (which they dont get as mum hates maccies :o ) just this one issue.

FWIW - you are pretentious. Nestle wont collapse because one yurt dwelling, yogurt knitting, pube plaiting, wanna-save-the-world, montessori tree hugging doo-gooder says so. If wanting to stop a company getting fat on the deaths of tiny babies because their mothers are pushed to stop BF makes me pretentious then Pretentious, mois? Mais oui!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:11

Oops, my C&P went pearshaped there!

And btw, I didnt ask for opinions on the boycott, but on whether my mother should respect my food choices for my children. As another poster said, if we were veggie then there would be no argument would there?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:12

Moi*

OP posts:
Gigondas · 30/10/2011 20:14

But op isn't about Nestlé boycott (hasn't that been done already this week) but about her mum being provocative

Gigondas · 30/10/2011 20:15

Sorry cross posts there bogey

onepieceofcremeegg · 30/10/2011 20:17

Bogeymanface interestingly I had a fairly tricky relationship with my mother (long story) which has improved over recent years since I had children. On the whole we have made our peace but there is the odd issue/tension occasionally. I think this is to be expected.
In your situation,even though you describe a genuine truce then I would say there may well be issues under the surface.
Yes she should respect your choices for your children (imo), but she isn't going to (or so it seems) so perhaps you may have to consider letting this one go?
It would frustrate me also.