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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about my mum ignoring my feelings on this?

67 replies

Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 19:49

I am not sure tbh!

I am a radical Nestle boycotter, so not just Nestle brand but any brand connected with them. I dont expect my parents to follow it too, although they dont buy Nescrape coffee anymore.

But, on a Sunday they take the kids out for an hour and always buy them a bar of chocolate or bag of sweets on their way home and always ALWAYS there is atleast one and usually 2 Nestle products amongst them. The kids know that we dont have that brand (and why) and according to DD mum and dad pick the sweets and then share them out.

I dont ask them to follow the boycott but surely they should respect my request to not give them to the children? Mum usually just shrugs, smirks and says "Oh well you didnt buy them so it doesnt count does it?" Well yes, I tbink it does actually! I do sometimes wonder if it deliberate because I know she thinks that the boycott wont change anything. She only stopped buying Nescrape because her church started supporting the boycott.

It isnt like there arent plenty of other choices of chocolate is there?!

OP posts:
ll31 · 30/10/2011 20:17

but its not about veg which imo is completley diff issue - ur boycottig a particular company not chocolate - so ur mother buys them the odd bar of nestle - truthfully I wouldn't see any issue there ...

triskaidekaphile · 30/10/2011 20:18

I bet your mum is stirring to annoy you (my dad does this all the time). It means she loves you and your earnest ethical ways. The kids are the key here. If they understood and believed in the ban then they wouldn't play along with nana's cheeky teasing of their mum. They are obviously too young to understand or old enough to disagree in their own right.

Ignore. It's a minor issue.

PigletJohn · 30/10/2011 20:20

It's about mum not doing what she's told!

maybe she is naturally disobedient?

SpookhettiTwirlerAndProud · 30/10/2011 20:20

What is this boycott thing? I've read about it on here a couple of times but don't know what it is!

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:22

Thanks Gig :)

Yes you are probably right onepiece. I just get annoyed because she is very set in her ways and opinions (always has been, this is not an age issue), so there is her way or the wrong way. And this is the only thing that I ask her to do. I dont, for example, like the way that she deals with the kids when they are round there without me. But I have to accept that if they are there without me then chances are she is babysitting, and it is v rare, so I let it go.

I suppose I am just pissed off that I am expected to do things the way she wants to but she cant do this one thing for me. It feels that she is deliberately underminding me. Perhaps I shouldnt have mentioned the boycott when I posted?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:23

Boycott info

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:25

It's about mum not doing what she's told!

No, its about mum ignoring my feelings. SHe is never told, she is asked "Mum, would you please not buy Nestle stuff for the kids, you know how I feel about it" and she says "yes ok" whilst rolling her eyes and then goes out and does it anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:28

I will not bring it up with her, as the general opinion is that I am a mad lentil weaving hippy BU. But I will suggest that I buy the sweets for the kids in future and they can have them when they get back. I get the feeling that she sometimes views these trips to the shop as a bit of a pita so she may well go along with that.

They only get sweets once a week, so I wouldnt withdraw them completely I am not that U!

OP posts:
SpookhettiTwirlerAndProud · 30/10/2011 20:31

Bloody link won't open on my phone Angry

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/10/2011 20:33

Actually OP, I understand your point. It's not really about the product it's about your mum saying that she understands and will abide - and then doesn't. YANBU.

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:34

info.babymilkaction.org

Or just google "Nestle Boycott"

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:35

Thanks Lying, thats it exactly. I should have just posted that as my AIBU thread :o

OP posts:
AurraSing · 30/10/2011 20:37

She probably doesn't know which chocolate bars are nestle? I still think of kit kats being made by rowntrees.

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 20:39

Oh she does aurra in fact once or twice she has actually mentioned it before I did "oh you'll probably moan but.." kind of thing. Trust me, she knows!

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 30/10/2011 20:40

If it's your mum trying to 'win' over your parenting choices, then it doesn't matter if it's a nestle ban or anything else, she isn't the parent, you are. If you don't need her to sit the DCs, then you are the one in control, just don't let her and your Dad have them unsupervised, and say why. If the DCs were choosing the sweets, then fair enough, but if she's going out of her way to pick something she knows you don't want them to have, that's deliberately undermining you.

I honestly think some grandparents still think they are the ones 'in charge' in all matters concerning their children, and therefore their DGC. They can't accept that they aren't the ones who have the final say anymore and it doesn't matter that they don't agree with their adult DCs, the way the adult DC wants to raise their DC is all that matters.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/10/2011 20:41

I would be bloody annoyed with her if I were you, because she is definitely doing it deliberately.

PigletJohn · 30/10/2011 21:29

deliberately not doing what she's told

my words

can't see in what way it's different from the words you use

sorry.

Proudnscary · 30/10/2011 21:38

I am (shamefully) extremely apathetic and unaware of such causes...but OP you are NOT being unreasonable because your mum is clearly and hurtfuly disregarding your feelings.

You are not telling her what to do, but asking for her to respect the one thing you feel strongly about and she's sneering at you.

Original poster
Bogeymanface · 30/10/2011 21:38

Ask - To make a request

Tell - To give instruction

There is a difference and as you cant spot it, I thought I would point it out!

And it isnt to do with her not doing as she was asked (or told) but the fact that I asked her, she said yes, and then went back on her word.

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 30/10/2011 21:38

hurtfully

Ragwort · 30/10/2011 21:43

If you feel that strongly about it then don't let you DM take the children out on her own - either go with them or just keep them at home - I would be pretty annoyed if I was told what I could or couldn't do with my DGC.

pictish · 30/10/2011 21:44

It's certainly not worth getting yourself upset over OP.
Yabu. You can boycott whatever younplease...as it happens I'm with you on this one....but to get the nip with your mum for not following suit regards the kids' treats is a bit OTT.
She knows you're being OTT as well...that's why she's winding you up.

So you can either slug it out with her, make a big issue of it and inevitably fall out, or you can rise above it and leave it be.

worraliberty · 30/10/2011 21:48

How old are your kids OP?

frutilla · 30/10/2011 21:48

It sounds like she might be doing it on purpose, maybe she thinks you take it a bit too fanatically. Bit naughty of her, but mums are like that. My mum's the same, she sometimes will do or say stuff that she knows will rile me.

hugglymugly · 30/10/2011 21:51

The continuing Nestle boycott is important because major corporations need to learn that responsibility and consumer reactions should rate higher than profits.

Teaching children about caring for the environment, including people, is an important part of introducing the concept of ethics to them.

Your mother seems incapable of understanding all that, or respecting your views. And I doubt it's because she's old - I'm probably older than her, yet I have understood the issues for a long time.

But what I still don't understand is why some grandparents think that buying sweets or chocolate for grandchildren is what grandparenting is all about.