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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to give DS (aged 7) anything else for supper until he has tried the lasagne?

90 replies

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/10/2011 19:06

DS's fussy eating drives me nuts. He eats pasta, cereal, peanut butter bread, cucumber, apples sometimes, yoghurt and a few other things like chips and chicken nuggets.

I am FED UP (every pun intended) with making one meal for DH and Me and another for DS. Added to that, I am a childminder so I sometimes do another meal for the other children.

Tonight, I have said he is not having anything else until he tries some lasagne, which to me was very nice and certainly nothing worth screaming over.

He has screamed and performed and and wailed and screeched.

Dh has just told me "this has fucking spoiled our Sunday night. I am fucking sick of it." I am not too sure what he is sick of because it is not him that has to plan and sort and cook one dish and another etc etc. (I am being sarcastic - DS cries at the drop of a hat and has made a right scene tonight with his screeching! But Dh is making out as it if is all my fault).

So: for those of you with fussy eaters, what the fuck do you do?

Have any of you forced the issue?

AIBU in not wanting to cook 3 different meals every night? Or do I have to eat fucking chicken nuggets so that I do not have to do yet another meal on those nights when DS has that?

At the end of my tether.

Dh has not gone to cook DS some pasta. What a waste of time.

OP posts:

SazZaVoom · 30/10/2011 19:09

Well, whatever you do it needs to be consistent and stick to it. Sounds like DH is being particularly unhelpful in not backing you up.

I would say to DH/DS that if they want to prepare extra food that is up to them. Meanwhile you will cook/eat for yourself or anyone else who won't cook, but they get what you are eating.

FWIW I would go with your strategy. It has always worked thus in our house - you eat the food on offer or go hungry.

lalabaloo · 30/10/2011 19:10

I think you are being perfectly fair, all he needs to do is try some lasagne and if he really doesn't like it then i'm sure there will be something else he can have, he won't starve. I think your DH is being a bit unfair, probably stressed because of the screaming, but pandering to your sons fussy eating will only cause more problems.

zeno · 30/10/2011 19:11

It's not at all unreasonable to expect him to taste a food when asked to. Shame your dh is undermining you - I'd have more of a problem with that than the fussy eater. At least the eater will grow out of it!

PointyBlackHat · 30/10/2011 19:11

If he won't eat what's on offer, give him sandwiches and fruit - nothing at all exciting, but healthy. At age 7 he needs to be getting over this. If you start doing this consistently he will also realise that his tantrums are not getting him any attention - jut be totally matter of fact about it.

If he is really hungry, he will eat one or the other, and making him separate meals is just not on. Your DH shouldn't be indulging him either.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 30/10/2011 19:12

Do you cook with your dc, it made a huge difference with ds who is under a dietian.

If you are worried about not getting enough vitamins get some prospa sachets from your chemist

FabbyChic · 30/10/2011 19:12

I only fed my kids things they would eat, Im sure they have never even tried lasagna and they are adults now.

IneedAbetterNickname · 30/10/2011 19:12

I agreee with Saz, my children get what I have cooked, (or part of it, ie, DS1 will have spaghetti without the bolodnese) or go to bed hungry.

Pippinintherain · 30/10/2011 19:12

In this house you eat what's been offered or go hungry.

No pissing about with different meals, for one thing my budget doesn't stretch that far.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 30/10/2011 19:13

Just wanted to offer sympathies.

If your ds is 7 and getting hysterical over the prospect of trying new foods then that would suggest to me that he has a food phobia (rather than just fusiness) and you might require some intervention and expert help on this issue. It must limit him socially?

Acinonyx · 30/10/2011 19:13

At 7, I think you've left it a bit late to make such a strong stand. A really fussy eater is unlikely to try something completely new, just like that. Could you have framed it better - offered some incentive for just trying it? And if he tried it and hated it - did you intend to give him something else or not?

You have to plan a bit more than this. Small steps trying new things with some reward.

I do have quite a fussy eater. I like her to try things but I generally have a good idea which new things will appeal and which will be more challenging. I set it up, there's an incentive, and a plain, neutral not to thrilling alternative.

Between my diet, dh's health issues and her fussiness I almost always have to cook at least 3 meals and I do get royally pissed off. I aim for us all to eat the same (or nearly) at least 3-4 days/week.

I never just made her eat what we had - perhaps I should have done but she's 6 now. I was a horribly fussy eater - much worse - so I have some sympathy.

BartletForAmerica · 30/10/2011 19:13

Right, first caveat is that my DS is 15mo so I'm yet to have these battles and this advice just comes from having brothers and sisters and not parental experience, but...

DH needs to be supportive of The Plan, whatever you both decide to be The Plan. DS needs to have consistent boundaries.

DS should try at least one teaspoon of each thing you make, before having something like bread and butter. There are no other options for dinner.

IndieSkies · 30/10/2011 19:14

Get your DH to be clear.
Tell him calmly that either the two of you work together to be firm over there being no choice of dinner, the this is not a cafe principle, OR he agrees that he will eat chicken nuggets for every meal - and to make his choice because you will not be making ore than one dinner per night.

squeakyfreakytoy · 30/10/2011 19:16

It sounds like you have been pandering to this for a while if you have been cooking separate meals. You have to stop this right now. At mealtimes, all diners should be eating the same food if you are at home.

BumWiper · 30/10/2011 19:16

Your DS is 7?
I honestly thought he was a toddler by the screeching and roaring.

I would offer him the same meal as you and DH and if he dosen't eat it well just take it away.If he says he is hungry give him back that same meal.

bigTillyMint · 30/10/2011 19:17

It sounds like his food choices are pretty limited - is he ASD or does he have sensory issues?
Does he have school dinners? Does he go to friends houses for tea? How does he manage then?

featherbag · 30/10/2011 19:17

Your DH has gone to make DS some pasta, yes? Which he will eat instead of lasagne?! But lasagne is pasta! [hconfused]

squeakyfreakytoy · 30/10/2011 19:17

FabbyChic Sun 30-Oct-11 19:12:19
I only fed my kids things they would eat, Im sure they have never even tried lasagna and they are adults now

Well there has to be a first time for everything fabby.. they dont come out of the womb with a shopping list.

How did your kids cope when they went to anyone elses house for dinner? or ate out at a restaurant?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/10/2011 19:18

You need a plan of action with DH. You're certainly not being unreasonable to not give your son anything else until he's at least tried the lasagne. He won't know he doesn't like it until he's tried it.

The screaming would get on my nerves too. He's 7, that's not a little boy anymore and he really does need to grow up. I think I'd put him on a naughty step everytime he screams for no reason, no sympathy whatsoever - and praise him when he behaves.

Definitely no different meals... he eats with you and DH and eats what you're having - or eats something plain and boring on his own. DH needs to back you up on that, it isn't just your problem, it's his son too. Does he do stuff with him, take him out, play football, read, whatever?

ifeellove · 30/10/2011 19:18

YANBU. He tries the lasagne and if he doesn't like it offer an alternative. If he won't try it then he gets nothing. Sounds like you need to get DH on side too. You don't need 2 screechy people at the dinner table.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/10/2011 19:18

At seven, he is old enough to either damn well eat whatever it is you've cooked, or to get himself a piece of plain toast or bread and a piece of fruit. That is all we ever did with fussy dd1 and she was fine. A child who chooses to survive on toast and fruit for a while won't die - and eventually they'll start eating other things.

MangoMonster · 30/10/2011 19:18

YANBU, he should at least try it.

NettoSpookerstar · 30/10/2011 19:20

Even if he does try it now, he's going to hate it, such is the pressure.

Scale right back, give him what he likes with a small bit of what you have on the side.

Chat and enjoy mealtimes with no comment on the food.

rhondajean · 30/10/2011 19:20

DD2 is 7 and would like to be a fussy eater. I have an eat what Im making or starve attitude, and its made her surprisingly open to what she will eat.

If she makes a massive fuss, she is sent to bed. She will come back down in twenty minutes and eat what she has been given.

There are obvious exceptions - I know she hates mushrooms, so remove them from her portions, as best I can, and she has permission to leave them on the plate if she finds some. Also if we make something spicy, I cool hers with yoghurt or take it out before the spices are added. The rest, tough luck.

She has in the last week discovered that she likes (loves actually) burritos and that pineapple is not the work of the devil.

I think the trick is, you have no alternative for him, you place the meal down, if he starts making a fuss you quietly remove it and do not enter into a dialogue about it. Send him to another room. When he is hungry, he will eat. Making it into a drama is more likely to cause damage all round (ie to you and DH as well!)

ThisIsExtremelyVeryNotGood · 30/10/2011 19:20

Personally when I was dealing with a moderately fussy eater (he had a fairly limited diet but he wasn't at the point of starving himself iyswim) I found the best strategy was not to bother at all. I would make the meal, sit down together, eat and chat, clear the table after a reasonable time, give yoghurt/fruit/pudding as I had planned regardless of how much he had eaten. It was very VERY hard at first not to even comment on the food, not to say "aren't you going to eat any DS, just a taste" etc etc, but once I got over it it made mealtimes so much less stressful, and eventually he DID start to try things, I think because the pressure was completely off. It took well over a year before he was eating normally, and he was younger than your DS, sort of 4/5 ish, but it DID work, and I know many other people who have found that this approach has worked for them too.

I agree with the other posters that you and your DH need to agree upon a strategy together that suits you both and that you are both happy and prepared to implement, and then stick to it.

Original poster

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/10/2011 19:21

Thanks for all the replies! It is interesting to see the varied responses. I can see that tonight I went wrong because it was not a planned thing tonight and I went for the all or nothing approach.

The head of DS's school and I both think that he has anxiety issues so me being a bull in a china shop now probably has not made for a good start to the week.

Anwyay, thanks for all the advice.

I will start a food diary tomorrow to get some proper persepctive on what he actually takes in. He is neither over nor under weight and is quite healthy but I do find the extra cooking a goddam pain and I am worried that he does not have enough variety or enough protein.

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