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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to give DS (aged 7) anything else for supper until he has tried the lasagne?

90 replies

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/10/2011 19:06

DS's fussy eating drives me nuts. He eats pasta, cereal, peanut butter bread, cucumber, apples sometimes, yoghurt and a few other things like chips and chicken nuggets.

I am FED UP (every pun intended) with making one meal for DH and Me and another for DS. Added to that, I am a childminder so I sometimes do another meal for the other children.

Tonight, I have said he is not having anything else until he tries some lasagne, which to me was very nice and certainly nothing worth screaming over.

He has screamed and performed and and wailed and screeched.

Dh has just told me "this has fucking spoiled our Sunday night. I am fucking sick of it." I am not too sure what he is sick of because it is not him that has to plan and sort and cook one dish and another etc etc. (I am being sarcastic - DS cries at the drop of a hat and has made a right scene tonight with his screeching! But Dh is making out as it if is all my fault).

So: for those of you with fussy eaters, what the fuck do you do?

Have any of you forced the issue?

AIBU in not wanting to cook 3 different meals every night? Or do I have to eat fucking chicken nuggets so that I do not have to do yet another meal on those nights when DS has that?

At the end of my tether.

Dh has not gone to cook DS some pasta. What a waste of time.

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 30/10/2011 19:22

Reverse psychology works very well with kids who are just fussy for the sake of it.

You make the meal, you put out plates for you and your husband. If child is hungry they will ask what is for dinner.... you say "we are having xxxx".... invariably a child will then want what they think they are missing out on...

auntiepicklebottom2 · 30/10/2011 19:24

Op do you get your ds involved in the food shopping or meal planning.

Ds has asd and do not like food touching each other, for that reason he will not eat peas or beans, pasta I have to put on the plate so they are not touching.

Every evening I give him a choice between 2 meals and the family will have that

onefatcat · 30/10/2011 19:25

I cook one meal (unless it is something most kids won't eat (eg hot chilli or curry). My dd goes hungry if she won't eat it- but to be honest, because I have always done this from being quite small she rarely refuses food- she just eats it slower and looks miserable if it's something she is not too fond of.
I don't understand kids that only eat past- is the equivalent of giving them flour and water for tea- which would be unacceptable- there are zero nutrients n plain pasta!

rhondajean · 30/10/2011 19:25

Dont get hung up on it - its easy to let things escalate especially if you are stressed and tired too. I wouldnt do a food diary unless you are worried about how much he is eating, its putting too much emphasis on it.

But if he starts throwing a wobbler, it doesnt happen in the room you are eating in, and you keep eating!

exoticfruits · 30/10/2011 19:25

I would get all the emotion out of it.
Tell him that you are cooking one meal and you have done your bit, he can choose-take it or leave it. I would put things in bowls so he can help himself but other than that just let him get down if he doesn't eat it-don't remark, don't coax, don't get drawn into discussion.
Never raise your voice-sound bored. If he makes a fuss just say mildly, what a shame you wiill have to do without. If he says afterwards that he is hungry just say mildly 'I'm not surprised, you didn't eat your dinner'.
DO NOT GIVE ALTERNATIVES, DO NOT GIVE SNACKS. He won't starve.
Do the same every meal. (you could just have a fruit bowl to help himself if you want to have something). He is getting a huge amount of attention through it-take it away. Make sure that you and DH do the same and are consistent. It may take a while.

squeakyfreakytoy · 30/10/2011 19:25

Auntie do you use one of those airline type plates, or buffet plates that have separate sections, they are great in those circumstance as it stops the food rolling into each other.

IndieSkies · 30/10/2011 19:27

It is true that a lot of children have sensory issues and cannot / will not eat 'mixed up food' - food with sauces, stews etc, and like to have each thing separate and simple. Is he like this?

Find out the root cause, and then make a calm plan, sna try to avoid blow ups and battles.

Good luck, it all sounds very distressing.

exoticfruits · 30/10/2011 19:27

Sound totally bored-say 'as a mother I cook a meal' then that is my bit done. It is up to you to eat it,or not eat it, but I am not cooking another one until tomorrrow.

MenopausalHaze · 30/10/2011 19:32

I'd be mortified if my grown up children had never even tried lasagne.....which is so mainstream now it's a bit of a joke! How do you get to adulthood and never even eat lasagne? I'd be mortified to admit that!

auntiepicklebottom2 · 30/10/2011 19:34

Just a normal plate as when we are out eating it would be even more difficult

Original poster
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/10/2011 19:34

Lyingwitch, yes DH and DS have a very good relationship! They were out at the park not two hours ago with Ds's scooter. We are fine as a family.

Another confession: we are very lazy at mealtimes and do not often eat together due to DH getting home so late from work and DS eating so early with the childminded kids.

That is something else I have to work on....

OP posts:
Miette · 30/10/2011 19:41

I just give everyone the same thing and try and get them to try everything on the plate. If they won't eat it then they just eat whatever else is on the plate, eg veg and then if they are still hungry they can have toast or something after the meal. I would nly cook two separate meals if it was something i wouldn't expect them to eat, like spicy/hot food. They are gradually trying and liking more and more as they get older. Best not to let it become a battle i think. I can understand your frustration though.

Bellavita · 30/10/2011 19:45

Chicken nuggets are ok if you make your own and do your own breadcrumbs too.

However I can totally see where you are coming from not wanting to do two separate meals, we never have in this house as such... However we did adapt slightly...I would have just boiled up some pasta and tossed it in some butter and cheese.

Both you and DH need to be consistent though.

4madboys · 30/10/2011 19:46

i cook one meal in this house and they eat it or go hungry and they have gone hungry on occasion and they may moan at times but i am not pnadering to fussy eater (special needs aside which is a different issue)

all 5 of mine have had varying degrees of fussiness over the years, ds4 being the worst but he is gradually getting better, he gets praised when he tries something and knows he will not get anything else if he doesnt eat what is offered, if he cries, has a tantrum etc he sits at the bottom of the stairs until he is willing to come back and sit nicely at the table.

and with regards to spicy food, why wont kids eat that? my 10mth old eats curry and my 9yr olds fave food is chilli, he often adds extra tobasco sauce to meals as he loves hot food!

troisgarcons · 30/10/2011 19:48

So: for those of you with fussy eaters, what the fuck do you do?

There is fussy and there is preferances.

I have one who will not eat potato in any shape or form, be it boiled mashed, chipped - hates the texture. I can go with that - potato get replaced with pasta.

I have another who will not eat anything he deems 'suspicious' ...so everything goes into different bowls so he can see meat, sauce, pasta. (spag bol to you and me)

@ fabby

I only fed my kids things they would eat, Im sure they have never even tried lasagna and they are adults now.

How did you know what they would eat with out trying? Mind you Fabby - you are a far more adept kite flier than I am on this forum Grin

MrsHeffley · 30/10/2011 19:54

You did the right thing.

One my 8 year olds goes to bed hungry most nights.I'm not a cafe, I cook meals made from ingredients I know he likes,I cook for 5.He either eats it or goes hungry,he chooses to go hungry.

He has a big breakfast so he's not likely to starve. It's life.I won't be cooking sausages,fish fingers or nuggets every night as I wish my son to live see 50,I am the parent and that's the way it is.

Bellavita · 30/10/2011 19:54

Omefatcat - my 14 year old DS will eat a plateful of pasta and cheese as a snack... Grin

Trois - my oldest hates mashed potatoes (my fave) but loves boiled or roast. I will just take a few out for him before I mash the rest. He won't have gravy on a roast dinner either.

Esta3GG · 30/10/2011 19:59

My son is a fussy eater but I have given up badgering him. It makes for a much happier life all round.
He has a pretty balanced (if slightly monotonous) diet from the foods he likes. And since I have stopped nagging him he is showing more interest in food generally and asking to try new things on my plate.
I think the worst thing you can do is turn mealtimes into a battleground - they will associate food with anxiety and that isn't going to help at all.

Very sensible to jot down a food diary OP because you will probably find his diet is more varied than you think.

GnomeDePlume · 30/10/2011 20:02

My DS is 13 and has never eaten lasagne - he loathes the taste and smell of cheese.

There are foods I cannot/will not eat:

  • mashed potato
  • eggs
  • soup

Therefore I have to respect that my children also have foods they dislike and cannot/will not eat.

Pippinintherain · 30/10/2011 20:04

Why do people say children can't have hot/spicy food?

From weaning my kids have eaten what we have. I just cut out the salt, this includes chilli/curry etc. In fact they much prefer foods with strong flavours.
Don't understand the whole kids food/adult food thinking.

Bellavita · 30/10/2011 20:09

Neither do I Pippin.

Original poster
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/10/2011 20:10

I don't think my son has any food phobias, and I am quite certain there is no ASD. I am certain his preschool or infant school would have picked up on that if there was.

There are some food DS detests and I will never even try to encourage him to try them - cheese, tuna, tomatoes, eggs, salmon.

It is interesting to see how some posters here insist on the "eat it or go hungry" method while others provide things that the child will eat. I lean towards the second method, but I am a bit fed up.

As for tonight's explosion, I apologised to DS and DH for going in all guns blazing and we talked about DS trying new things which DH backs me up on (good grief! is that even English??) and DH is now bathing DS. DH and I also said to DS that he has to stop this crying at the drop of a hat business and he seems to understand.

So all is good in Numberfour's household once more.

OP posts:
sheepgomeep · 30/10/2011 20:13

One of mine doesn't like mash and one really hates baked beans. So I dont often serve them to them or if I do its one spoonful on plate and they eat or leave them if so wished.

op you need to start eating together as a family more often. How often is 'not often' iyswim. How can your ds learn to eat and enjoy his food if he doesn't see his parents do the same and set an example.

And please don't force the issue. Did you mean force him to eat or something else. I have bad memories of being force fed I was a very fussy eater as a child. My mum used to make such a song and dance over my not eating I started having panic attacks at the table aged 9 at the thought of eating anything in the end. My Doctor wiped the floor with my mother. She backed right off and my eating really did improve in the end. I'm 34 and like a bloody dustbin now Grin

BlancheIngram · 30/10/2011 20:14

I have one who eats anything and one with fussy phases. I like cooking, and food, and reckon that the one advantage of doing all the cooking is that we eat what I want to eat. It took time, but I do now genuinely believe that it's my job to put interesting, nutritious, varied meals on the table at regular intervals and everyone else's job to decide whether to eat all, some or none of it. I really don't mind any more if someone chooses to leave the table hungry. There'll be another meal along in a few hours, apples, cheese and oatcakes are available between times and both dc are slim but neither in imminent danger of starving to death. Dc2 is fussy at the moment, but I really can't remember, and don't much care, which particular things are acceptable to him and not. It works for us...

Bellavita · 30/10/2011 20:14

Alliwant - I would provide something that is along the same lines as we are having, like I said I would do pasta tossed in butter and cheese. I certainly would not prepare a "different" meal entirely.