not to give DS (aged 7) anything else for supper until he has tried the lasagne?

[Alliwantisaroomsomewhere]

DS's fussy eating drives me nuts. He eats pasta, cereal, peanut butter bread, cucumber, apples sometimes, yoghurt and a few other things like chips and chicken nuggets.

I am FED UP (every pun intended) with making one meal for DH and Me and another for DS. Added to that, I am a childminder so I sometimes do another meal for the other children.

Tonight, I have said he is not having anything else until he tries some lasagne, which to me was very nice and certainly nothing worth screaming over.

He has screamed and performed and and wailed and screeched.

Dh has just told me "this has fucking spoiled our Sunday night. I am fucking sick of it." I am not too sure what he is sick of because it is not him that has to plan and sort and cook one dish and another etc etc. (I am being sarcastic - DS cries at the drop of a hat and has made a right scene tonight with his screeching! But Dh is making out as it if is all my fault).

So: for those of you with fussy eaters, what the fuck do you do?

Have any of you forced the issue?

AIBU in not wanting to cook 3 different meals every night? Or do I have to eat fucking chicken nuggets so that I do not have to do yet another meal on those nights when DS has that?

At the end of my tether.

Dh has not gone to cook DS some pasta. What a waste of time.

With my DC, it's not that they 'can't' have spicy food, it's just that they point blank refuse to try it. I'd be delighted if they did, then I wouldn't have to do two different meals on nights when we have curry/chilli etc.

DS (9) is a fussy eater, so I try to still cook the same thing for everyone most of the time but a modfied version for him, much the same as the above poster who makes mushroom free versions for their DC. Still drives me mad occasionally.

Picnicbasket, what would happen if you just served curry and said 'this is what we're having tonight, eat as much or little as you want'? I do provide yogurt/raita with curry, but I don't say 'this is for dc2 who won't eat it otherwise', I just put it on the table with everything else so it's not special and separate.

AllIWant - he's a healthy weight, he's healthy, he's active.... why are you adding more stress to the situation by deciding to do a food journal.

Decide on your plan and just stick to it.

If it was me - I'd tell him what I was cooking for the mindees and what I was cooking for you and DH (if having him eat that late is an option) and ask him which meal he's joining in with. Or he could have something quick & easy in between Omlette/Baked Potato/Beans on toast - something that literally takes a couple of minutes.

He'll grow out of it and it's not as if you all sit down to dinner every night together - if you did, I'd probably say you can eat what I have made or you can leave it, but I am not making anything else and I will not put up with any fuss. I'd try to make sure one element of dinner was something he eats.

You are both (you and DH) creating a situation where he's going to kick off and it's making it horribly stressful for all of you and really, it needn't be - he wont starve himself.

Your DH is giving your son a very bad example. How can he be surprised that DS behaves like this? Sounds like he is the one teaching him that you can get your way by swearing and losing your temper. Put them both on the naughty step.

I have 5 DC and very fed up of making 3 different dinners and trying to dish it out for that many remembering who likes what, it got too much. So now i dish out one meal-if they don't like it tough titty. They get bread or fruit or a shove in cottage pie on occasion. I do always put some of what we are havingon their plate which they are supposed to try. it worked with DD2 who now eats almost everything that she 'hated' before being encouraged to try it! Stick with it, they will eat it eventually-well some of it.

I have 4 children the eldest being 16 and I learnt very quickly not to turn a meal into a battleground, its just not worth the stress.
What I have learnt is to always put something on the table that they will eat.
So if I was doing lasagne I know the eldest won't eat it the 15 year old would and so will the 6 year old but the 9 year old ds will never eat it. While making the lasagne I would make extra cheese sauce and boil some brocolii and make a pasta bake, its no extra work. put both on the table and serve up what they want and also ask them to try the one they aren't so keen on, sometimes they will, i'll also put soemthing they all love on the table, garlic bread which they can have if theyve eaten some of the main meal.
I also find putting the meal on the table to serve it sometimes makes them do it themselves, doesn't always work, but makes for a happier dinner table.
I also make fresh bread and put that on the table sometimes but if they want some they have to eat some of their main meal, it works with the younger ones.
The eldest child will not eat anything other than bland foods and I have treated all mine the same, I have learnt to respect that we all taste foods differently.
If I was you Why not make some homemade chicken nuggets for you all with potato wedges, offer salad and veg. Work on getting mealtime a bit of a happier occasion and trying different foods will come.

you know it never occured to me NOT to give my dc's spicy food! yes i am careful with salt etc, but from when we started weaning they pretty much had what we had but mashed etc if necessary, dd who is 10mths LOVES a butternut squash curry! she had turkey tagine with chick peas, apricots, onions, carrots etc last night and ate it happily. we just cook one meal and that is it, we do also sit round the table to eat all together for lunch and dinner and generally bfast, tho at bfast the kids will sit and eat whilst i chat and get on with getting school stuff ready as i dont eat bfast, cant cope with eating till i get back from school run, we have to be out by 8:10am and ihave the baby and toddler to get ready as long as making sure the elder 3 are all sorted so there isnt time and tbh i am not a morning person!

mealtimes in our house are a social event, an imp part of the day to sit and chat, tho obviously there are nights when its a bit rushed with clubs etc we do still sit at the table, and all eat the same, the boys dont know any different.

OP you have my sympathy, I exploded at DD2 for leaving her apple and grapes at lunch (the deal is supposed to be I won't attempt to get her to eat salad if she'll have fruit). Next day she came in and said can I have some more grapes, Mum.
Grrrr!!
She is just a total control freak over food, many things she doesn't like, but loads more she simply won't try.
DH isn't much help because he won't send her to bed hungry.
She's 10 and I too am fucked of with it.

If you fancy something different and you know there is a high chance that ds won;t like it, have bread and butter and yoghurt available.

No hassle for you, no tantrums to fucking spoil SUnday night

I can't be doing with battles over food. I enjoy food and I enjot meal times. I just want everyone to be sitting, chatting, happy. So bread and butter is always an option which keeps things rosy.

When I was growing up, if you didn't eat the meal that was provided, you didn't eat!

I appreciate it must be difficult but I think it will only get easier if your DH work together as a united front.

Good luck!

OP - had he had lasagne before? Children have to try new foods about 20 times before they start to accept/like them. It's about finding a balance between not making different meals and at the same time trying to maintain happy family meal times.

This is what I do with new foods: give them a small portion (just one mouthful) on the side of something you know they like. They have to try the mouthful of new food but there is a meal they like. My middle dd is v fussy and fusses a bit over this, but she DOES try what she's asked to (eventually!). Never heard of a 7 year old having a tantrum over food mind you. I would deal with that in the same way you would deal with any other tantrum at that age - warning then punishment (leaving the room or something). It's one thing having a fussy eater but 7 is too old for screaming matches imo.

One of my children WAS a really fussy eater. He's 9 now and finally improving but it's taken years. I don't know if this will help? I meal plan each meal so that there is always one item that he will eat within it - but I still serve him the rest. He eats what he likes, I don't fuss about the rest and I know he'll not starve. Week in, week out and now he has finally started picking at the other foods. I also do a sticker chart for everything not just food. Each sticker is worth 10p and when it is full they can have the money and spend it. Every now and again (once a fortnight maybe - if I can be bothered!) I will ask ds to try something new for a sticker, which he will do quite willingly.

my dd is an extremely fussy eater too, and i tried everything to get her to try stuff while she was still small, and EVERYONE said dont give in to it.

but one day she ws sitting at the table with her back to me and i put the dinner down in front of her and her little shoulders went down and she looked SO depressed. Her dad was on the other side of the table going 'dont forget to eat' 'try some of this' 'eat some of that' and i just felt that we were bullying her. it was all so stressful. especailly in 'stand-off' mode.

so we had a discussion, and at first we stopped giving her anything that she opposed to. we backed off, very considerably and left her to it. because this left a VERY limited diet and to purge my Mummy guilt at not providing a balanced diet, i gave her gummybear multi vitamins as well.

since then i have asked her if she wants to try such and such and usually the answer is i will, but not today. i continue to tuck into the food i love and serve her the food she loves, even though I HATE doing this. but I dont say a word about it to her because she already has enough food issues.

I tell her that she needs to try some of the stuff she thinks she might like because her taste buds will change, and to be fair she does.

she now eats a wide range of food including chinese ribs.

her biggest problem seems to be mixed food. she will eat beans AND toast, but she wont eat beans ON toast. she wouldnt eat a lasgange, but she would eat the mince, plain pasta, a bowl of tomato passat and a bit of cheese.

she shares some of these traits with her grandad- who cant bear sauces (and a smaller extent her Dad, who is funny about smells) so i think that we SHOULD cut her some slack, because no-one complains if Grandad refuses to eat something or dad leaves some of his dinner.

I do agree with the posters who say -extras should be good or nothing at all. If she doesnt eat the meal we provide, then she can have fruit and veg, or cheese or a youghurt. she only has treats for very good behaviour when shes had her 5 fruit and veg. its good that the school backs you up on the 5 fruit and veg!

Sorry this is so longwinded, but this worked for us.
I hope that you get some answer here and that it all settles down for you all. mealtime are a nightmare if they are a nightmare!

My belief is that we are all Mums and not short-order cooks.

I am sure a few times my DDs have gone to bed a bit hungrier than I would like, but I refuse to be a mother of picky children. REFUSE.

DH's family growing up had the concept of a "no-thank-you" helping, which is basically a small spoonful on the kid's plate of something s/he did not want any of. We have used this with our DD's with great success. They try new things with very little pressure to have lots of anything, which seems to open their mouths a little wider for new tastes - I think maybe because it is less intimidating for them??

Food is one of the joys of my life, DH and I share a love of all different cuisines, and I would hate not to be able to share that with my kids.

I like to have relaxed meal times.

DS1 is very very fussy so many foods he can't stand the texture taste of
DS2 has most of the same tastes in food as I do.

I know DS1 will not eat sweetcorn yet I put it in a lot of foods all I do though is make seperate for DS1.

I always ask the DC what they want for dinner and as long as I have it in we have a great meal time.

I was raised the same way as I am raising my dc.

Of course it is fine to give children spicy food if they like it, but i wouldn't personally give a baby or small child hot, spicy food with no other option that mealtime if they did not like the sensation of hot spicy food.

Firstly YADNBU! I have not and will NEVER cook separate foods, they eat what I provide or starve (and very few will starve themselves, although it can take a few weeks to come round!)
I was a CM and had a fussy eater - 3 months with me at lunch time cured her That said she was only 2. However, once mum adopted the strategy at home with her ds 6yo and her dd it rectified his poor eating as well He was retching at anything new, I said to ignore it and walk out of the room, it stopped when he got no attention for it. Likewise with the screaming I would put him in time out, bring back in or the option of straight to bed if he refuses to eat. No other food at all. Your DH cooking him pasta has just reinforced that if he creates he gets his way You both need to be strict for it to work. No treats unless he eats his meals, just healthy snacks i.e. fruit.

menopausalHaze I am 24 and have never tried lasagne. My dad is a fussy eater who doesn't like cheese, so we never had any meals with cheese in them (neither of my parents had time/patience to cook more than one dinner) except for Dairylea triangles on bread or something for lunch. I wasn't a huge fan of it either (tried pizza several times over the years at friends' houses but didn't like it until I was 12) so I never bothered trying lasagne anywhere else, and I went vegan five or six years ago so I'm unlikely to try it in the future. Going vegan has interestingly made me a less fussy eater, in a sense - as my diet is now so limited, it makes me more likely to try new things within that range so that it's a bit more interesting.

OP: You have to find what works for your kid, though. Some have sensory issues, some have a very narrowly defined palate, some are contrary little sirs and madams, some have anxiety issues...try a few approaches out and see what works. My oldest nephew will quite easily turn things into a performance like you described, whereas the same approach with his brothers will get a shrug from both and a taste from one and a quiet standoff with the other.

Interesting glitter!

I served up lasagne to my 79 year old FIL a couple of weeks ago, not for a minute realising he had never had it before. Ever.

My five year old children are allowed to have one food dislike and they can change it, but that means that they then start to like the food they previously disliked. i find that putting out serving dishes is very helpful as they feel more grown-up and will help themselves to different things. i also serve pudding everyday, which often comprises cheese and fruit.

My 'fussy eater' strategy was to present the new food, say he had to try it and then walk away and let him get on with it. I found this worked far better than hovering over him with cajoles, threats, incentives, etc., which only created an atmosphere that made the problem worse. The other winner was 'peer pressure' ie. inviting friends with good appetites round for tea and praising their willingness to try my lovely cooking.

I would get all the emotion out of it.
Tell him that you are cooking one meal and you have done your bit, he can choose-take it or leave it. I would put things in bowls so he can help himself but other than that just let him get down if he doesn't eat it-don't remark, don't coax, don't get drawn into discussion.*
Never raise your voice-sound bored. If he makes a fuss just say mildly, what a shame you wiill have to do without. If he says afterwards that he is hungry just say mildly 'I'm not surprised, you didn't eat your dinner'.
DO NOT GIVE ALTERNATIVES, DO NOT GIVE SNACKS. He won't starve.
Do the same every meal. (you could just have a fruit bowl to help himself if you want to have something). He is getting a huge amount of attention through it-take it away. Make sure that you and DH do the same and are consistent. It may take a while

That is a really good post. I also put food into bowls on the table so ds can help himself. I make sure there is something he likes so he can fill up on that IF the new food actually makes him gag - but saying that I will not have any rudeness or melodrama at the table, a simple 'No thank you, I don't like that' will suffice! Making toast and sandwiches as an alternative is not the way forward imo as then you can get into a situation where the child is having that every meal and it becomes a habit.

Oh dear - I buggered up the bold on that!