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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to help me correct the way kids speak?

83 replies

hwjm1945 · 29/10/2011 10:03

We live in London but are not Londoners, 2 DSs are at school and come home saying "fink" for think and "fought" for thought and and "featre" for theatre etc. Now I don't mind a regional accent and in fact we both have ones of our own, but I can't stand sloppy pronunciation and I think this is what this is ( or fink). I correct the children, in a jokey way, DH refuses to do so, saying that they will grow out of it. I don't think they will and actually think he just wants to avoid having to pull them up, as we have this a lot, with things like table manners etc, will they grow out of it or will it becom more ingrained? AIBU to think DH shuold support this?

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 29/10/2011 10:05

Your kids want to fit in, they do not want to be singled out at school for talking differently to their peers.

troisgarcons · 29/10/2011 10:06

It depends on the school they go to. Which sound odd, all of my children go to different secondaries and each has a very different pronumciation of words than the other.

Do correct it at home, how they talk amongst their peers is one thing, but if they can't speak properly and pepper speach with 'innits' etc they havent a scooby of getting a decent job.

Rhubarbgarden · 29/10/2011 10:08

Yes dh should support this and pull his finger out. Ignoring it is condoning it and it will not go away. You need to present a united front or the impression to your kids will be 'Mum's being finickity but Dad's fine with it so it's probably ok'. I hate sloppy pronunciation too. It will do them no favours to speak like that in the long run. Innit.

Original poster
hwjm1945 · 29/10/2011 10:09

My concern is that they don't magically "grow out of it". I had home speak nd school speak, which was a lot rougher than home speak as we were a bit posh but had no money so lived in a "rough" area, so at least that meant that when I went for jobs I knew how to speak proerly and was able to do so.

OP posts:
ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 29/10/2011 10:13

YANBU to want them to talk proper at home but talk like their mates at school. I grew up in London and still occasionally forget that there is a th on the front of some words and in the middle of others.
My DD and I recently moved to NW England. In the past eight weeks, she's picked up a properly northern accent in resonse to her school mates calling her posh.

Proudnscary · 29/10/2011 10:15

We are a very naice middle class family who live in a mixed area of London and my dc call each other 'blood, bro, bruv' , everything is 'sick' and 'ill' etc etc.
So what? It makes me laugh and also I remember growing up acquiring all sorts of different language and accents at different schools/uni's etc.
If we relocated to Oz or America they'd pick up the accents within weeks.

Tortington · 29/10/2011 10:16

after moving down soouth my kids came home saying barth (bath) so i beat it out of them

changeforthebetter · 29/10/2011 10:17

As long as they are articulate and have interesting things to say, does it matter how they pronounce things. I wince as DD1 sprinkles her conversation with glottal stops but I can see she wants to fit in. She will find her own level and I will have to accept that. The trouble with correcting children is that it can discourage them from speaking to you about anything complex as they will tend to feel you don't value what they have to say if they are frequently corrected. Model clear speech and good ennunciation and leave it at that. The other thing about kids is that they love to wind you up so if they get a whiff of your irritation with a particular speech variation - say 'fink' - the little darlings will probably do it even more.

So YABU and a bit precious - I agree with your DH.

Bossybritches22 · 29/10/2011 10:17

Bugbbear of mine too. They soon learn that there is playground speak & home speak, but the ground rules must be laid down consistantly at home, whatever you decide.

Same with table manners too......ooh don't get me started!!

troisgarcons · 29/10/2011 10:18

It is bar-th
As opposed to bar-ff
Grin

It's the relaxed 't' that winds me up - buh-ah (butter) worh-ah (water) etc

WilsonFrickett · 29/10/2011 10:23

Didn't everyone have a 'home' accent and a 'school' accent? OP, I think it's right to correct them but as ever you have to pick your battles - if your day is a constant stream of 'don't do that, do this, don't say that, say this' then it eventually goes over their heads. Correct them once or twice a day, and yes, DH should join in too. And occassionally explain why you're correcting them.

Original poster
hwjm1945 · 29/10/2011 10:24

I think/fear they will find that interviewers etc will mind how they say the interesting things!
If they really do pepper speech with innits and fink etc, I just hink it makes people sound thick!
I work in the law and how people speak is considered important and I am sure it is in some other fields. I know one can say how people sounds should not matter but I think that in reality it does.
Does it matter in other fields?

OP posts:
SomekindofSpanish · 29/10/2011 10:25

I correct my children's pronunciation at home. DS3, when at nursery, used to come home talking about 'gels' (hard g) when referring to girls, so had to correct that Grin.

DS1 is 10 and is like Proundandscary's children: he speaks with the 'innits' and 'sik' with his friends, but I always remind him that when he is speaking to adults or children he does not know, then he should speak properly.

squeakyfreakytoy · 29/10/2011 10:31

Its bATH, not baRth.. there is no frickin R in it... OK!!!

Would you call a women whose name is Kathleen, Karth? Do we have maRthematics in school... no we do not!!

that is all Grin

Proudnscary · 29/10/2011 10:33

Barrrrrrrrrth

Original poster
hwjm1945 · 29/10/2011 10:33

Good point - to say pick your battles, I do try not to say it all the time, cos I think it is correct to say that is you are always picking up on it the ywill eventually stop talking to me! we now have it as a bit of a joke! I haven't tried working on Gel for girl just yet, but give it time. I think that it is probably a mixture of gentle reminding and growing out of it - hopefully, but I do think DH should help with it

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 29/10/2011 10:34

Spanish I love that gels story Grin

OP of course it matters in other fields, but what really matters is if they can turn it on and off. It really doesn't matter if they are full of the innits and nuffinks at home or with their mates, but you shouldn't be trying to eradicate it completely - you just need to feel confident that they understand there is a time and place for talking properly, and that they are able to switch when necessary, innit?

Original poster
hwjm1945 · 29/10/2011 10:34

Oddly, our londoner kids say Bath, not barth as they must have picked this up from us two northerners

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 29/10/2011 10:35

Bath!

Grin
FabbyChic · 29/10/2011 10:36

Your children are socialising with cockneys, it is they way they will speak, if you want them to speak differently send them to a school where they all speak proper English.

It isn't lazyness it is how children speak local to where you live.

Bossybritches22 · 29/10/2011 10:38

squeaky Grin

It's not the ACCENT it's the bad grammar, & sloppy language that offends me. I do agree though that you have to be careful not to nag, set example & pick your battles.

One of my all time hates is "whatevah" which my DD's know & although they don't use it if they want to be cheeky they throw it at me....and run!!

They can be very brave when out of arms reach!

EllaDee · 29/10/2011 10:38

It is a regional accent, though. Confused

It's actually a bit rude to suggest that Londoners don't have regional accents just lazy pronunciation - say that to a Geordie and you'll get lamped.

Proudnscary · 29/10/2011 10:38

Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrth!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 29/10/2011 10:39

Correct them at home. We grew up in the north east of Scotland and weren't allowed to use the local dialect at home - we used it at school, but knew that it wasn't tolerated at home.

Your DH should support you. There are accents and sloppy speaking.

blackeyedsusan · 29/10/2011 10:41

you need to start teaching them that while it is ok to say fink etc wiv friends, saying it at home/with rrelatives/informal situations is not on. you need to get the happy balance of a low profile fitting in at school and being able to use formal language when they go to work.