to ask how you cope with getting the DCs home after work/nursery?

[afussyphase]

Ok, it was a hard week and I have a cold which doesn't help. Today I collected DD1 (3yo) and DD2 (7months) at nursery at 5:15, and we have about a 40-45 minute walk back to where we're staying. DD1 scoots, DD2 rides in the buggy. There's a bus but it takes just as long due to traffic. The walk is mostly through a park.
DD1 had only been given one bottle (all day! because we arrived late - 10:20am. But she'd had other foods) and was screaming as soon as she got in the buggy. Not 2 minutes into the park DD1 had to wee so I let her go behind a tree. Then I tried to feed DD2, who had a little milk and then stopped, but promptly resumed screaming as soon as she got in the buggy. 5 minutes later DD1 announced she had to poo. So we went out of our way, eventually found a bathroom ... etc etc. I will spare you the details. In the end it took forever to get back here what with stopping for both DDs repeatedly, and DD2, despite some formula, some breastfeeding and some actual food (puree) screamed hysterically the WHOLE WAY HOME.
So here's my question: do any of you commute with your DC at all? How do you do it? Please tell me! I never ever want another friday like this again. And DH works late fridays so it's all me. I just imagine this endless string of friday nights ... and when we move the commute will be by tube+walking not just walking! Not exactly a place to urgently need 3 toilets on the way home. Grrr. Please: any tips?

Not sure if I can be of any help but I am about to move house making our trip home after nursery - with a 3 yr old and a 14mth old - a tram and bus journey rather than a stroll across the road.

In the current, stroll across the road situation, I get to nursery at about 5.10 and it's at least 5.30 by the time we are home. My 3 year old walks (it is literally across the road, a 2 minute adult walk if that) and I carry the 14mth old.

My plan for the commute is:

• ring sling for the 14mth old to carry him on my hip - I fear a buggy on public transport at peak times would be painful
• snacks for the way home and, I hope, pleasant morning chat for the way in!
• getting DD (3 year old) to use the toilet before we leave the nursery
• trying to relax and enjoy the commute as time with them rather than worrying about getting to work/getting home asap

Option would be to find a nursery that is nearer to home I suppose. Or drive.

Well, personally I used a car and a childminder.

Again, personal preference, I wouldnt touch a nursery with 10 foot barge pole. But I realise other people have little other option.

and again slated .... working and BFing. If you have to BF on the way home your either (a) going back to work too early (b) not managing when you need to BF (ie bed time)

DD2, despite some formula, some breastfeeding and some actual food (puree) screamed hysterically the WHOLE WAY HOME.

Sorry but, Jesus. Bottle, boob and jar? In the park? On the walk home?

Yes, I did think of those .. this nursery does a full salary sacrifice, saving us a fortune so if we can manage at all I'd like to. Plus DD1 loves it. Not sure if my workplace can offer parking at reasonable rates or whether traffic would make it terrible (after we move that is). Work is in a very expensive area, sadly enough. But yes, if it gets unbearable we can look for a local childminder or nursery.

I did think of snacks, but yes I should really get there early enough to get DD1 to use the toilet too - just eats that little more out of my day but obviously it'll be better than what happened tonight. Not sure what to do about DD2 screaming but I agree, a sling or backpack will be way better when it's the tube, I can't bear the idea of carrying the buggy down/up stairs and escalators with DD1 hanging about during rushing crowds. Ooh the thought of it; dreading it already. I might try to cycle ...

There must be some MNers out there who manage this with ease and assurance and happy children (right?)...

no, always looked after my kids myself, didnt trust anyone else to care for them

troisgarcons, the OP didn't ask for comments about her choice of childcare.

I use a nursery much, much closer to home (childminder is not an option as we need year round cover) which means I can pick DC3 up on the way home from work in the car or if I'm working from home I've got a short walk or cycle there and back.

I honestly couldn't have coped with a long commute followed by a long walk home from nursery, so I take my hat off to you. I can't really see any other way round this, tbh.

Could you ask the nursery staff to take DD1 to the toilet at about 5pm or something? So that you know she has gone recently by the time you get there?

I BF my son when we get home - it has been around 6pm, after his bath but now we'll be getting home around 6pm so bath will be around 6.30, I guess and BF will be then. I am trying to figure what snacks will be easy to bring on the public transport.

Like you, my two LOVE their nursery and it's much preferable to the 2 childminders we have had most recently. My initial childcare choice was childminder but we are delighted with the facilities and staff at this place so I think that troisgarcons is being a bit unhelpful in saying she wouldn't touch nursery with a 10 foot bargepole when you asked for help with the current situation, not alternative arrangements.

Driving isn't an option for us (no car at the moment, parking and traffic would probably be a nightmare anyway) and I prefer to have my kids close to where I work in case of illness, storms preventing me getting home etc so don't want to move them. Also, I would prefer to have the extra hour or so in the morning and evenign with them rather than them be in care for that extra hour so I am really hoping I can make this work and not be horrendous.

(oh, and I am in Toronto and haven't had a winter here yet so we'll be facing the short walk either end of the commute in horrible temperatures too!!)

You poor thing. Sounds like a horrendus walk home!

Have you tried one of those foldable portable potty things from boots? That would save you having to go out of your way for the toilet.

Snacks are a definite. Explain to nursery the long walk home and ensure that they feed her well and close to home time. Bottle, BF and puree on the way home is madness. I think I would have just gotten home ASAP rather than faffing. Is she teething? Perhaps if she is, a preventative dab of teething gel would help before you leave nursery?

MoaninMinny - that's a most unhelpful contribution - why did you bother?!

Sorry - I don't need to BF - I usually just do one early morning and one in the evening and it works for us, but thought I'd try it to see if it would work to calm her down. Since I ended up walking home with her screaming anyway, maybe in hindsight I should have just let her scream for 45 minutes? But after about 5-10 I figure it's good to check and see if I can sort her out...

When I had a childminder I wouldn't have gone with a nursery, when DD1 was smaller. Then CM quit for personal reasons and we tried a nursery and it worked out really really well. But if I really could choose, I guess I'd have CM for the baby and nursery for the 3yo. Maybe we'll end up with that, I don't know.

Ooh I like the cycle idea!

I would think that she might feel more secure being carried/close to you in a sling, maybe? That's one reason I always carry my son home from nursery as I felt he would loudly object to the buggy when he is tired and hasn't seen me all day.

Could you tell the Nursery that you're having a dreadful journey home? Ask them to send your eldest to the toilet before you arrive and that your youngest needs an extra milk feed somewhere. I'm sure they would be sympathetic. Then when you pick them up I would just go for it, full pelt, no stopping to give baby feeds. I've had to send all mine to Nursery but have always had the luxury of picking them up in the car and gone straight home. The other option is moving them closer to your home but if you and they are happy, this could be problematic.

We have a 10 min car ride but it can be up to 45 mins if the traffic is bad. I breastfeed DD at the nursery where it's warm and quiet before we leave, (think troisgarcons is being a little harsh). DD usually doesn't need it but just doesn't eat as well at nursery as at home.

For DS (3) we have one of these, quick and easy to use just about anywhere. Hang in there it WILL get beter.

Loo before you leave - ask nursery to ensure it is done if you always pick up at the same time.
Portable potty for emergencies
Chocolate buttons
Bike with trailer

Do not attempt rush hour commute on tube with two dcs!

I think a sling will be the way to go. Probably a soft structured carrier like the Ergo. Your baby will enjoy the closeness and could probably do a sneaky bf in there too, providing you were wearing the right kind of top!

That way you would have both hands free for your DD. Also, definitely see if the nursery staff can take her to the loo before departure.

I'll hold my hands up - but going back to work when a child is BFing? I personally find that odd - and no Im not judging before anyone wants to put a whole set of words in my mouth and assume I implied things I havent

I dont do 'judgemental' on such issues - but if you are being caught short on a long walk home, just my perspective, either express and bottle breast milk OR introduce formula. Three weeks from now and it'll be bloody freezing weather and I cant imagin it would be comfortable for you or the child to be attempting to latch on in an open space. Let alone sit down and try and spoon a jar.

Again my perspective. Maybe someone closer to home - ie a child minder would be more appropriate.

Just wanted to reassure you that it will get better. I have been there with two young ones and trying to juggle everything and keep everyone happy. It will get easier.
I second everyone elses suggestions about asking the nursery to feed your youngest before you leave and getting your oldest to go to the loo before as well.
The sling idea also sound good. Snacks such as raisons, crackers and ceareal bars where always good for me when walkng. Playing i spy with the oldest worked well too.

Yes I use a childminder near home, because the thought of dragging DS back and forth on the bus with me to and from uni seemed like a nightmare. I always assumed people who used childcare near their place of work were those who could drive, TBH. I think that would be the best option, if at all possible. Even just for Fridays. At least you'd all be warm and dry on the way home, too. Doesn't solve the toilet issue but you could insist they use the loo before you leave, and carry some snacks and drinks in the car for them.

They must be absolutely shattered at 5.15, DS is tired enough on the day I collect him at 3. Do they have dinner at nursery? How come DD isn't allowed an extra bottle if you get there late? I'd find that really stressful. It's bad enough worrying about being late without worrying that they will miss a milk feed, which is quite a big deal at this age.

If car not an option you still want to make the journey as stress free and easy for the children as possible. I think a carrier would be an excellent investment, and also a very good pushchair for the 3 year old and later the baby. You don't want to be struggling pushing a cheapo buggy, and you might want something snuggly for 3yo to settle down in. Could you give her your phone to play games on or something to occupy her for the journey? That's my fallback with DS when I don't want him to fall asleep.

I think you fell short of swiss cheese theory today - chin up! :) It's just about attempting to cover all the holes so that when one occurs, they don't all start to match up and make it hellish.

Trois I find your POV odd. Lots of people manage to breastfeed and work. And OP said she has introduced formula

troisgarcons - the op's child is doing mixed feeding. Personally I breast fed dd3 till past age two - would have been a hell of a long wait to go back to work!

i do the commute on bicycles. dd1 to school and then dd2 to nursery. and the same on the way home; dd1 on own bike and dd2 in bike seat. its fine. if your dc1 is too young for cycling that far yet, you could get a tag-along or one off those trolley car thingies which has seats for 2 kids. tag-along and trolley thingies are quick release so you can lock them up at nursery and cycle to work on your own without them.

Can you adjust your working hours? when i only had dd1 she used to get really tired and fractious; so I started finishing earlier; even an hour makes a difference; maybe longer days earlier on in the week to compensate if you have a dp who helps with pick ups/ drop offs? I worked though my lunch breaks.

dd2 happily snacks in bike seat

op I think you need to ask the nursery to give your dd2 an extra bottle somewhere during the day regardless of whether you are late or not. A small baby like that needs a bit of flexibility.

Is your older dd too tired to scoot? Would a buggy board be a possiblity.

Yes to portable potty.

Your journey sounds stressful.

Yes to chocolate buttons and other emergency snacks. ideally stuff that takes a while to eat; little pot of cheerios/raisins or similar?

Good luck, sounds hard work.