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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you cope with getting the DCs home after work/nursery?

73 replies

afussyphase · 28/10/2011 21:23

Ok, it was a hard week and I have a cold which doesn't help. Today I collected DD1 (3yo) and DD2 (7months) at nursery at 5:15, and we have about a 40-45 minute walk back to where we're staying. DD1 scoots, DD2 rides in the buggy. There's a bus but it takes just as long due to traffic. The walk is mostly through a park.
DD1 had only been given one bottle (all day! because we arrived late - 10:20am. But she'd had other foods) and was screaming as soon as she got in the buggy. Not 2 minutes into the park DD1 had to wee so I let her go behind a tree. Then I tried to feed DD2, who had a little milk and then stopped, but promptly resumed screaming as soon as she got in the buggy. 5 minutes later DD1 announced she had to poo. So we went out of our way, eventually found a bathroom ... etc etc. I will spare you the details. In the end it took forever to get back here what with stopping for both DDs repeatedly, and DD2, despite some formula, some breastfeeding and some actual food (puree) screamed hysterically the WHOLE WAY HOME.
So here's my question: do any of you commute with your DC at all? How do you do it? Please tell me! I never ever want another friday like this again. And DH works late fridays so it's all me. I just imagine this endless string of friday nights ... and when we move the commute will be by tube+walking not just walking! Not exactly a place to urgently need 3 toilets on the way home. Grrr. Please: any tips?

OP posts:
onepieceofcremeegg · 28/10/2011 22:56

fwiw I mixed fed after 6 months as well, up to 18 months with the bf. Do whatever is right for you and your child. :) (imo, but I know others don't share it, part time bf is better than no bf)

PelvicFlAAAAARGHOfSteel · 28/10/2011 23:00

I've got a 3yo and a 9mo, I'd use a double buggy or sling (baby) and buggy (3yo) for that kind of walk because that would halve the length of time it takes. I get DS1 to do a fair bit of walking but when you just want to get where you're going quickly and a car isn't an option then it works.

redwitch · 28/10/2011 23:02

I think there are some really good suggestions on this thread that I hope work for you. But I really wanted to say, hang in there, it will get easier.
And ignore the unhelpful comments, nothing wrong with a good nursery.

bejeezus · 28/10/2011 23:06

yes redwitch i second the support for nurseries.

both my dds have loved nusery. and i do too. i wouldnt swap it even for Mary Poppins.

Harecare · 28/10/2011 23:13

Could you pick up at 6pm instead? By that time they should have had their tea and toilets and be basically ready for bed. If my journey was 30 mins or more I would even go so far as to put them in pyjamas, brush teeth and cart home in buggy and backpack/sling. Or pick up at 5:15, give them their tea in a cafe and then get them ready for bed and set off pushing DD1 and carrying DD2.
When you have the tube ride you could save cafe money by giving them packed tea on the tube.
You either have a stressful journey struggling to get them home fast as they're tired and hungry or get the food and getting ready for bed out of the way first and then you can take your time, or go fast because you can, rather than because you have to.

MrsBradleyJames · 28/10/2011 23:13

Poor you, that sounds an absolute nightmare.

My DS needed to be in bed at 6 until he was three, and it would not surprise me at all if this day is just too long for your children, and the journey home is just the final straw; you are there, but not really 'with' them, it's not quality time, it's 45 minutes of 'got to get from A to B', when they are utterly exhausted and not able to cope well. (My ds was exhausted by that time even without a day in a busy environment like a nursery!!!)

So, ok you have to work and the day ends when it has to end; but in my opinion the adults in the situation need to make things easier for the kids. So that means thinking your way round the entire situation. Simple things like asking nursery to rest and feed them later in the day so that they are not so tired and have full bellies when you get them; more complicated things like totally reassessing the family finances or your work pattern so that you or their dad could finish earlier/afford a childminder/ or whatever.

choceyes · 28/10/2011 23:46

I have a nearly 3yo and a 14 month old. They are in nursery 3 days a week till 4.15pm.
Nursery is at work and is about a 30min walk from home. I have my 3yo in the buggy and put the baby in a sling. She just wants to be held by me after nursery and won't go in the buggy. I am in the process of potty training my DS, but haven't been caught short yet, but I guess I will be soon!
I BF the baby before I leave, so she is nice and full. I also give her and my DS a snack. I just want to get home at the end of the day, so even though it's a nice idea to have him scooting along, I just can't spare the time, as I have to get home and cook as well.

If it's raining, or I feel too tired, I take a black cab home. LUckily there is a taxi rank across the road from nursery/work. Costs about £6/7 to get home but I'd so worth it to be home in 10mins. And I justify it by thinking, that if I drove in then I'd spend that in parking fees anyway.
Is that an option for you?

Yama · 28/10/2011 23:56

You need to get the nursery to help you here. You are paying them a fortune remember.

Nursery need to make sure dd1 has been to the toilet and that dd2 has been fed.

Your dds should get used to the walk/buggy ride home.

Personally, I have loved walking or bussing in and out with (first) dd and now ds. It is our time. However, I don't think i would enjoy two at the same time.

FreddieMercurysBolero · 29/10/2011 00:42

Bring raisins, they normally help DS keep quiet for 10 mins of my journey... I thought I had it bad, I do 45 min walk with DS three times a week... I bring a book, his favourite teddy, a bottle anything to keep him occupied. I do dread the walk though, because He's almost always so cranky and tired. Sometimes I splash out on a taxi, my god it's so worth it! Bejeezus, I have been considering a bike but the roads here aren terrible, I cycle by myself but I'd worry cycling with DS. And we live in the west of Ireland, where it rains, ooh, 90% of the time. What do you do when it rains?

cat64 · 29/10/2011 01:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dozer · 29/10/2011 06:39

Agree with the suggestion of talking to the nursery, and being clear that you would like dd2 to be given milk before pick-up, and dd1 taken to loo. Little things may help.

turkeyboots · 29/10/2011 07:02

I've always used nurseries v close to home for this reason. Can you talk to a cab company about a regular pick up? They might be able to do you a deal? My nursery have a buggy cupboard which is full of car seats being moved between parents cars, so its a possibility. Or change your hours to coinside with the bus?

turkeyboots · 29/10/2011 07:05

Oh and might be worth asking round the nursery if there is anyone driving your way? Lift shares might be the answer.

sismith42 · 29/10/2011 07:49

We have a similar commute (40 min walk for a fast walking adult adult, or a 30-40 min bus+walk.) But with only one child (2.5). DH usually walks her to the childminder and I take her home. For DD2, she may have needed changing or been bored? Try singing to her, having finger foods on hand so she can feed hrself (check her if she goes silent obviously! visit baby led weaning websites for ideas), and packing a few toys. (When mine was that little, she'd just nap, which is terribly unhelpful to you!)
how recently was DD1 toilet trained? If she still gets nappies at naps, could she have one for the journey home or is shee too grown up to tolerate that? Having her go at nursery is a good idea, too. Any chance you could just stay a few min late to take care of it? You have my sympathies - we're only just trying to potty train and I'm not looking forward to the "where's the loo" moments!

Megatron · 29/10/2011 08:12

Agree with talking to nursery, I'm sure they will be willing to help, any good nursery would. I think if they are on board the journey will be a whole lot easier.

I don't find it odd in the slighted that you would be back at work whilst still BF. I BF mine til they were 16 months so I think it's perfectly normal.

bejeezus · 29/10/2011 08:22

Freddie when it rains we wear waterproof coats and trousers, all in one for babber. You can get waterproof ponchos for over little one and bike seat- they look a bit more snuggley

ZonkedOut · 29/10/2011 09:56

For that sort of journey, I'd second the suggestion of double buggy or buggy board to make the walk quicker.

bejeezus · 29/10/2011 12:25

I'm going to bang in about cycling now, feel free to ignore!

A 40 minute walk, will be only a 15 minute bike ride tops

FreddieMercurysBolero · 29/10/2011 13:07

Thank bejeezus, think I will talk it over with DH. He normally drops him off on the way to work and I pick him up. Does your DC still get wet with the water proofs on sometimes?

bejeezus · 29/10/2011 13:21

No-go only her face a little bit, but they are quite sheltered riding in a seat behind you. The ponchos really look nice though, quicker and easier to get on and off I expect and create a bit of a cocoon.

It might not be a very luxurious way to travel, but in my experience the kids love it. The tag alongs are really good for teaching them balance and road safety too.
Bit of rains not gonna hurt them. I live in the southwest so also an expert on rain! X

Sidalee7 · 29/10/2011 16:03

How is it "odd" to be still breastfeeding when you return to work?! I returned to work when dc were over a year, still doing two feeds with both of them.

LiegeAndLief · 29/10/2011 16:15

Personally I would go for a buggy board. Must be a nightmare trying to get a 3yo to do a 40min walk/scoot at that time of day. Then you could go much faster and if the baby is screaming it hopefully won't be such a long walk! Or put baby in sling and 3yo in buggy? I had a Close sling with dd and could carry her a long way without any discomfort.

I have spent a total of 2.5 years bfing and working. Hasn't been a problem so far...

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 29/10/2011 16:16

Troisgarcons, stop being a twunt, I went back to work at 5.5 months, had to, and my dd was and still is at 1.4 fully b-fed, its perfectly doable with a pump, a breast and a child, nursery isn't satans own lair, and you are judgemental and plain rude

Op, it was a bad day, step back and give yourself tge praise you deserve, it won't be like that everyday x

northernrock · 29/10/2011 16:25

Well...I only have the one, but at the moment our walk from school (he is 4) is two miles and takes between an hour and 75 mins. It's knackering, and making us both miserable, so I can only sympathize.

Oh, and troisgarcons-some people don't have cars, believe it or not.

Gemjar · 29/10/2011 16:28

I have only skimmed so sorry if others have said the same thing, but I find that support from nursery is crucial here. I have a 3 and a 1/2 year old and an 11month old and we walk about 20 mins to get home after I have finished work, so I pick them up at about 5.30.

Nursery give all children a tea at about 4, which is just a snack such as cheese and crackers or similar but keeps them going hunger wise until we get home and I serve dinner at about 6.30, DS2 has always had plenty of water at nursery so he doesn't get thirsty until we get home, but I have his cup in the buggy ready in case he does want something.

With DS1's toilet habits, he has got a lot better in the last few months, but accidents do still happen, to try and prevent this or the 'mummy I need to go for a wee' on the way home moments, I always take him to the toilet at nursery before we leave.

Just remember that they are being paid stupid amounts of money to look after your children, not just keep them going until you arrive, so they shouldn't really need anything on the walk home. Also remember that it will get a lot easier as they both get older and more self reliant

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