to ask how you cope with getting the DCs home after work/nursery?

[afussyphase]

Ok, it was a hard week and I have a cold which doesn't help. Today I collected DD1 (3yo) and DD2 (7months) at nursery at 5:15, and we have about a 40-45 minute walk back to where we're staying. DD1 scoots, DD2 rides in the buggy. There's a bus but it takes just as long due to traffic. The walk is mostly through a park.
DD1 had only been given one bottle (all day! because we arrived late - 10:20am. But she'd had other foods) and was screaming as soon as she got in the buggy. Not 2 minutes into the park DD1 had to wee so I let her go behind a tree. Then I tried to feed DD2, who had a little milk and then stopped, but promptly resumed screaming as soon as she got in the buggy. 5 minutes later DD1 announced she had to poo. So we went out of our way, eventually found a bathroom ... etc etc. I will spare you the details. In the end it took forever to get back here what with stopping for both DDs repeatedly, and DD2, despite some formula, some breastfeeding and some actual food (puree) screamed hysterically the WHOLE WAY HOME.
So here's my question: do any of you commute with your DC at all? How do you do it? Please tell me! I never ever want another friday like this again. And DH works late fridays so it's all me. I just imagine this endless string of friday nights ... and when we move the commute will be by tube+walking not just walking! Not exactly a place to urgently need 3 toilets on the way home. Grrr. Please: any tips?

Uhm, I just felt the need to say that they are not paid stupid amounts of money as a few posters have said.

It's neither here nor there but they are pretty much paid a pittance

we moved close to my work for that reason. way home from nursery/school is about 20 min on food give or take depending on mood/weather.
when dc2 was still bf, I would feed her before we set off, dc1 I would send to the loo or we would be on a bush-finding-mission half way home.

I recall the buggy rides home, preg with DS2 with 12 month old DS1 screaming all the way, regardless of what I di, he was tired. It was very hard for me and for them, maybe a local childminder may be the answer, as I personally think that the nursery day is too long for under ones and then to add on the trip home may just be too much for her( and you of course) After DS 2 we went the nanny route as not that much more expensive than 2 at nursery and this was before the days of childcare vouvhers salary sacrifice. Not v helpful advice, but you have my sympathy, many things they just grow out of, bu it is hard while you soldier on through it.

Could you think about workign shorter hors at all to reduce the amount of time they spend there so you can pick up earlier?

Sounds hard. Can you go home first and get car?

I've never done this but I think you need to discuss with nursery staff - 3 year old to be taken to toilet before you pick up. Baby to have a bottle before you pick up, or breastfeed at the nursery before you leave. Get a double buggy thats easy to push, snacks for 3 year old. My DC could generally feed themselves bottles lying down by 8 months.

Thanks so much everyone for the support, that really makes me feel better, and it's always good to hear that eventually it gets better! MrsBradley and others who commented about the quality of the time: I totally feel that, and with the walk through the park that's been a nice aspect of it especially in the mornings when we're not tired and it's all sunny and there are pretty birds, and the weather's been great of course, and we run after each other and it's been so nice. I want to keep it like that, at least so we have a few aspects of quality time, like singing a song, spotting planes, and the like. (Oh, what an ideal, compared to yesterday, sigh)

Surprisingly, dd1 seems totally fine scooting - she's faster than me usually, unless I rush along behind her! But yes it's the swiss cheese thing: too many holes and they start to line up. (Going home to get the car might work if we were this close, but won't when we are a tube ride away)

So based on all your good advice here's my game plan:

• raisins and chocolate buttons etc
• ask nursery to feed dd2 and take dd1 to toilet - I'd wondered if this was being too demanding, but now I think not, and anyway it never hurts to ask
• sling - interesting to hear your thoughts about her just wanting me, not any of the other things, I totally think that's what it was yesterday since she's just got her teeth, so I don't think she's teething, and I couldn't find any other probems
• buy either a trailer or even a bakfiets or something to try cycling (i used to ride almost the distance of our new tube commute so I'm used to it, though not with dc along, but it's not hilly), and bring snacks for them for the ride

- and in not too long dd2 will be able to have finger foods so that might help

• cope for 10 months, many of which will not be winter. dd1 will then be in primary :) which will involve a whole host of other things but it will be near where we're living!

Did I miss anything?

afussyphase the only thing you missed is to look after yourself as well. Bring a snack for yourself, or have a and a when you get home. Try and make it very low key on arrival home, do only the essentials. (e.g. bath every night may not be essential; plan ahead with shopping and make sure you have some and easy dinners in stock)

My two are both at full time school now (since Sept, dd2 is an August baby and is just 4) and the difference is immense. I am still luxuriating in the fact that I can leave home half an hour later and take them both to the same childcare (wraparound) - added bonus is they both love it and the staff are like aunties to them. :)

Hang in there and go easy on yourself.

bejeezus I appreciate that nursery staff may not be paid a lot, but that isn't really the point. For most people nursery costs a massive proportion of their wage and that money pays for them to care for our children. I'm not saying that they don't, but for what I pay them, which is roughly the same as I earn, it is their job to ensure that the children are fully fed, watered and toileted before leaving so that events like what the OP describes can be avoided. I am lucky in that the nursery where my DC's go are very good at doing this.

You poor thing. I totally sympathise. I have a round trip of at least an hour each way to fetch DD to and fro. I leave home at 7.30pm and its one mad rush to drop her off and get into work for 8.30am. In the evenings I leave work at 4.30pm and dont get home till nearly six as DD insists on walking a lot of the way now. We cant get the bus as too packed and wouldn't get pram on.

Have some snacks and a drinks ready to hand over to your two for the way home and store a potette in the pram basket. When you get home, stick cbeebies on for 15 minutes and grab yourself a cuppa and a snack to calm down. Hope it gets easier for you!

jemjar it is being suggestedd that nursery staff should go the extra mile to make our journeys home with our kids easier because they are paid 'a fortune' .

They are not paid a fortune. It is not their fault or responsibility if your wages only just cover your nursery fees; or that we have along difficult journey home with our kids after. Many of them have their own journies with their own kids. They are paid to loook after your child whilst you work, anything above or beyond that is not a given. Ours is very accomodating âne would help as much as possible, time and other kids permitting. But its not something the OP should rely on IMO t

Ok. Today I brought the sling, extra snacks, extra bottle for dd2, and the nursery staff said yes they can get dd1 to the toilet and give dd2 a bottle at 4:30. We'll see how it goes this afternoon! Also I looked into driving and it might be a way better option than I'd thought. Thanks everyone!

Yes, I 'commute' via nursery. I take a snack for dd (22mo) to have on the way home (er, normally it's not healthy because I'm a chavmum or whatever). I don't stop to change her nappy- if she poos, I say 'we'll sort that out when we get in', though would obviously be different if she was toilet trained, then I'd expect her to go before leaving nursery. I would be very severely pissed off with a nursery that only gave a 7mo one bottle from 10:20! That seems like something you need to talk to them about as an under-1 baby is still mainly getting her nutrition from milk so needs more frequently during the day. When dd was younger they would try her with milk at least a couple of times in the day, and I went in early pm for a breastfeed too.

Good luck for later afussyphase. :)

I have only a 20 minute walk from the nursery to my home so I really sympathize with the OP! I remember walking back in the rain with my son screaming to be held, pausing and trying to comfort him (only made him scream harder). And now with winter coming too...

Ensuring the children aren't hungry will be very useful and my nursery changes the diaper about 30 minutes before I pick up too, so he isn't uncomfortable. I also turn the pram round to face me so that I can talk to my son as we go along. Our conversation mostly consists of "Yes mama will walk faster, home soon, a big warm bottle of milk for you..."

I've had so many journeys like that AFussyPhase, it's a matter of figuring out the best strategy for you. Even now the 12 minute walk home from school can be diabolical. There's a mum I see walking up there whose son refuses to walk any further some mornings. Any time you travel with children is risky, ime.

I am impressed that scootering works so well for you. DC (at any age) are prone to crashing them, & are whining all the way home that they're "tired" and would I carry it). Also, if they are exercising they are more likely to need a poo or wee (just basic biology!).

Feel for you OP and others that have similar challenging journeys. Makes my 15 walk with 1 3.5 yo DS seem easy. My DH has the car (I get the tube), and he has the "luxury" of collecting and dropping in the car.

afussyphase how did it go today? Any better?

Hello, you have my sympathy! I do the drop off but did the pick up last week which I found a lot harder. My DD is the same age and she bikes there and back and DS is in the buggy. Dp just makes sure DD goes to the loo before she leaves and then makes sure they have plenty of snacks and water if things start to go at a snails pace. For tube would definitely suggest a sling. We used to have to take ours across London when we first moved and it was so packed some days. Good luck with it all.

We only have a 10 min scoot back from nursery and even that is hard some days.

I def think 45 min scoot is too long for 3 year old at the end of the day so think it has to be buggy board or even buggy for now. In the summer she will be older and it will be nice to walk back through the park so will be easier.

I have always taken mine a snack of some kind to have on the way home so definitely do that.

The loo thing is a bit of a prob as 45 mins is quite a long time but I would just get her to go just before you leave she should then be able to manage till you get home.

Bit harder with the baby but perhaps suggest they give her a bottle 15 mins before you get there....

Good luck.

Today was a bit better - the baby still cried a lot even when I held her (on the bus) but at least the bus wasn't as slow, and the 3yo didn't need the toilet, yay! DD2 did not drink much of the late afternoon bottle at nursery, but it was good to have it with me just in case. I draw the line a breastfeeding on a bus while trying to make sure a scooter isn't escaping and a 3yo has a tissue for her nose and the buggy's ok and the bags aren't in anyone's way... but bf was definitely what she wanted - and SLEEP. One lovely woman was very nice to us on the bus. Both girls were extra exhausted because of the clock change, which I figured out part way home.

When it's on the tube I will definitely use the sling, and NOT bring the scooter I think, although it leaves a longer bit on both ends because DD1 is slower walking than scooting. DD1 loves trains, which will help. In other news we exchanged on the house today which means the tube commute starts next week - eek.

Glad it was a bit better.

Continue to try to be kind yourself, it does sound like a hard situ. Will you be going against the flow on the tube or the same direction as the communter "traffic"?

Congrats on exchanging!

My DD goes to her nursery full time which is easier for both of us as I don't have regular working hours so if I have to work I've got childcare covered, it's only about 15 min walk from home, when I finish at 5.30, I go to pick her up, go back home, but she is angelic kid so maybe it's different ;)

When my DS was 7 months old and at nursery, I used to breastfeed him when I picked him up while I talked to the staff about his day. He didn't drink milk while he was a nursery.

We had a longer commute from a different nursery later when he was a bit older, not such a pleasant walk. We used to alternate bus/tube/bike or walking. It was such a relief when we got a place at a closer (and better) nursery and did the commute by bike through the park.

Does the scooter fold? A folding one may be easier on the tube. Hope it's not too crowded.

Congratulations on exchanging, afussyphase - we started our commute this week and it's actually been much easier than expected and I haven't bought the sling yet!

My son - 14mth old - has happily snacked on his oatmealy, wholesome cookie thing and my daughter - 3.5 - has been generally happy and chatty. The walk from the bus stop to the house has been a little tiresome, I guess but I am making the most of it.

And I am finding it's quality time with them, I really am. They make me and other commuters smile and, when DH is with me, we each get one on one time with a child.

People have generally been very kind about offering seats and things too.

(and I am still BFing my son too - just morning and evening but can totally see why you'd whip the boob out if he seemed inconsolable).

Cycling might be an option if the London (you said tube so I am assuming London...apologies if I am wrong) traffic isn't too bad along the way. Those bike trailers still scare me when I see them in traffic, they look so vulnerable.

ANyway, good luck with the new house and figuring it all out and I hope you find it easier than you expect as I have (so far!)

Thanks! I'm really glad it's working out for you stubborncow, that is so good to hear. Today was a little like that and I felt a whiff of that ease and assurance I was looking for - baby in sling, on bus, no scooter so easier to get on and off, and an apple entertained both of them for most of the trip; I'm not sure why dd2 wanted to suck on it so very badly, but she did. We have the same running commentary, with dd1 repeating the automated stop announcements and getting excited about bendy buses and whatever, and it's nice when people smile. I hope we can keep having it be quality time.
The scooter comes apart but doesn't fold (it's a micro mini one, the kind everyone has). But it's not hard to take it apart using a key or something, and if I could get a strap to carry it over-the-shoulder that would be really good for getting up and down to the tube (though carrying a baby in the sling, my own work bag with the bottles, snacks, etc etc and a scooter too? hmmm).

I agree about bike trailers and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable in London with one. I'm probably going to buy one of these (used; don't want to pay full price in case it doesn't work for us!). I'm hoping they will love riding in it :) And I hope cars will be respectful. At least I won't always be fearing that someone doesn't see the trailer, or that the dd's are unhappy and I don't notice. It'll be heavy though. And better in spring than in winter...