to wonder how, if you have loads of money, you avoid 'spoiling' your children?

[ZombiesAteYourCervix]

I mean really loads, so you never have to even consider if you couldn't afford something. If you could afford to buy anything or go anywhere?

Say your child said 'Mummy, I want a pony' do you just get them a pony? and all the stuff that goes with it? and a stable and lessons and someone to brush it?

or child wants a new phone. Do you just get them whatever phone they want? Or a £15 PAYG one?

Or if they want to go skiing or to Iceland do you just take them?

How do you decide what they get and what they don't?

And do your children end up 'spoilt' because they want for nothing? or does it even out on it's own like if you don't deny them sweets seems to (they just have some sometimes, not loads all the time).

Or do they get greedy and just want more and more ponies for the sake of it.

And if you can afford to give them everything how do they learn to work for stuff, or does that not matter?

Isn't is similar criteria to not rich parents? i.e. the children have to earn the expensive things.

If the parent is a tosser, then they get spoiled. Any parent with an eye to their child's future teaches them the value of money.

I wish I had enough money to answer your question.

If you give them everything they want you end up on BBC Three's "Young, Dumb & Living off Mum"

Are you hoping that someone with loads of money will be reading? And answering? Or shall we all guess?

Someone once said if you only buy children the things they actually really want you can't spoil them. Lots of poor children are spoilt.

It's all about attitude, not how much money you have - parents without enough money to "spoil" their children still manage it, by spending every spare penny on their children without thought to the consequences. Some rich parents don't give their children much at all!

Attitudes make the difference.

You can have lots of money and not be indulgent towards your children. I have a cousin whose DH made serious money. He is an old meany and wouldn't even pay for his DD to have braces!

No-one would dare admit on here that they had loadsa money for fear of being lynched [hgrin]!

We need a name changer or some stealth boasters to come along please

I have no idea, being as poorer than the church mouse but I'd like to think I'd employ the same reasoning as now.

Spoiling isn't about money or material possessions, it's about attitudes.

There are loads of MNetters on here who have well paid jobs and high flying DHs from what I understand. Or so they say.

I often think about this, but I'm a firm believer in presents for birthdays and christmas only, and then an interest in a hobby has to be proved/earnt and then begun with the cheapest way of doing it, and then building up. I really don't think I'd change even if I had ££££.

Me and my sister only ever got new stuff (even things like stationary or felt tips) unless it was birthday or christmas. We always loved everything we got and took so much care of it. I'm hoping I can hold out in a similar way with DC1! When I wanted to take up a musical instrument, my mum started me off with the cheapest teacher she could find, and a 2nd hand instrument, once I'd prooved that I was going to 'stick' with it, then she bought better stuff etc. I can't see why you'd do it any differently even if you had loads of money.

Alan sugar says in his book that he made all of his kids work. His son went to work on the shop floor in dixons. I'm pretty sure he'd have enough money to indulge every whim but like other posters say, a decent parent expects things to be earned. Im totally skint nowadays but when dd was born we were very comfortable. I was obsessed with not spoiling her so only bought for xmas and birthday. Now i have no choice!

Maybe it depends on the parents background because when we had more money we were still conscious of the lessons learned from being very poor youngsters.

imo its nothing to do with having money, its to do with fostering a sense or earning what you have, not allowing a sense of 'entitlement', not compensating with material goods for not being around much - ime experience, the wealthiest kids i know have very little in the way of consumer goods but they do have money spent on them in different ways - private school for example, less dependent on student loans etc.

Mine have ponies, skiing, nice holidays.

They are unspoilt and rather lovely. They have no Xboxes or Wii's and one Asda mobile between them. They have manners and clothes from George. And at Xmas they have about £30 each spent on them.

They are quite privaleged and I think they get that so don't seem to want stuff other kids usually mither for, it seems.

Oh, and they are feeding their ponies at 7 am come rain or shine.

It's all about the values/attitudes you instil in your children. I grew up in a poor household although I only realised that once I became an adult as most people in my community were in the same position and it was normal. It was also a very 'proud' poor, where people were keen to point out that they hadn't been 'suckered into' buying the latest gadgetry and were proud to show off the things that they felt were valuable.

Contrast this to the children of someone I know (who I respect and admire enormously). His children have had pretty much everything. When they were growing up I worried that he was raising a bunch that would end up totally unable to sever the metaphorical apronstrings because they'd never be able to stand on their own two feet well enough to earn the money they require to maintain the standard of living they were used to.

I was wrong. His children are an absolute credit to him. He lavished them with things and supported them in a way I'll never be able to do for my own (e.g. paying the rent on his DDs house for a year while she took a very low paid internship in a highly competitive field she wants to break into, which she is now doing and thoroughly deserves the success she's achieving), but in the process he gave them a sense of self-worth and ambition and tempered it with just the right amount of humility and appreciation for their privileged start.

They are living proof that spoiling is everything to do with attitudes rather than material possessions.

I agree spoiling is not related to how much money a family has.

I have read that it is often children from relatively less well off homes who are given the most "stuff" (toys, phones, trainers, etc). Those in above averagely wealthy homes are often not given nearly as much "stuff" - though as others have said, their parents do spend more on eg education, tuition, buying a bigger house so they can have their own room, etc. But these aren't things the DCs have asked for but rather things the parents think are good for them longer term.

DH was all for buying DD a pony until he discovered how long they live! I dont think going on a nice family holiday skiing would spoil anyone, buying them new skis every time they got bored of the old ones probably would. Having an xbox probably isnt being spoilt, not lookinng after it and getting it replaced/upgraded constantly probably is.