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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want the nice piece of steak sometimes?

72 replies

Arachnophobic · 26/10/2011 20:35

DP is very helpful around the house. Not quite 50/50 but he does his fair share. We both work, and he is also good with the kids.

However it is fair to say he is extremely selfish with food. If he has choccie he won't share. If he has crisps and I ask for one he will only put one on my open palm and complain anyway. If he cooks and burns the food he will ensure I get the most charred food. If he does the shopping he buys himself sweets and ice-cream but none for me. He wont share what he has bought. And tonight he made sure he had the fattest plumpest rump steak whilst giving me the smaller fattier bit.

So I said "can I choose which piece of steak I have next time please?" cue him becoming extremely defensive over said steak.

I find this very funny in a sense but at the same time I cannot stand the selfishness and it gets right on my tits.

AIBU

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 26/10/2011 20:36

I wouldn't find it funny at all. DH automatically gives me the best stuff if he is serving and versa.

Methe · 26/10/2011 20:38

Surely the cook gets the choice bits?

cerealqueen · 26/10/2011 20:39

YANBU. Start doing the same back and see if he likes it. And if you both work full time he should be doing his fair share, not just being 'helpfu'l around the house.

Mutt · 26/10/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OtterBjitch · 26/10/2011 20:40

It is extremely irritating. My DH can be a bit like this, especially with treats, but not quite so bad.

I have started giving larger portions to DS1 recently, as he is very active (rugby player) and having a bit of a growth spurt. I see DH looking at the plates and only just managing not to whine "But he's got more than me!" [hgrin]

NearlyLeglessEuphemia · 26/10/2011 20:40

YANBU! My dad is just like that. He even hides chocolate in the medicine cabinet, and it's only been him and my mum in the house the past 20 years. Hmm

My DH is the opposite - he gives DD and me the best of everything and takes what's left for himself.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 26/10/2011 20:41

Why can't the unequal in quality steaks both be cut in half and you have half of each steak each?

If you fancy some crisps get some out of the cupboard. I'm not a food sharer Blush if DS asks me for something I'm eating I tell him to get something for himself out of the kitchen.

If you do the shopping and buy yourself something do you also buy him something?

Thingumy · 26/10/2011 20:42

Do you have to share all his snacks? See someone asking for a bit of my food/chocolate/cheese would piss me right off.If you want a snack-get your own.

Sounds all very childish.

FearTricksPotter · 26/10/2011 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Arachnophobic · 26/10/2011 20:47

mutt not really selfish in other ways, no. Though I think he can be thoughtless sometimes which is kinda the same thing. Like if someone asks for a favour he will rush to help them, no matter the nature of the request, and regardless of how it impacts me and the kids. And sometimes without discussing it with me first.

who the steak was already cut, pre-packed from the supermarket. Yes I do always get him something. And the other day me and DD were going to a friend's house for lunch I was concerned about him feeling left out so I bought him a cake from the Bakery. So I do try and think about him.

He isn't bad really, and I do love him, just find this side to him a bit funny!

OP posts:
ColdSancerre · 26/10/2011 20:47

How childish of him. Could it be perhaps food issues from his past? Then again that doesn't explain him not buying you treats when he does the shopping surely? He does just sound a childish selfish arse.

Original poster
Arachnophobic · 26/10/2011 20:48

Now I mean funny, as in strange.

OP posts:
EllaDee · 26/10/2011 20:49

That's really nasty.

Can you sit him down and tell him what he's doing? I wonder if he doesn't quite realize the extent of it but when you've written it down it sounds awful, tbh.

Original poster
Arachnophobic · 26/10/2011 20:49

He is one of four and didn't get many sweets as a kid. Maybe him and his siblings had to fight over food as kids, though they weren't hard up or anything........

OP posts:
HoorahHenrietta · 26/10/2011 20:53

My husband isn't too bad with food (he is a body builder so eats massive amounts of protein that normal people wouldn't). However, my mother, she isn't a sharer. She's always said;

"I'd rather buy you your own than share mine". I share EVERYTHING. I'll even leave things like say, the last chocolate in the box, knowing my ds might fancy it the next day.

Thingumy · 26/10/2011 20:54

Awful? No.

Dh always gets a bigger portion of food as he has a bigger appetite,I don't see him as being awful.Bit piggish at times,yup,he can be.

I don't buy dh snacks,as I don't know what he fancies and he doesn't buy me them for me either unless I specifically,ask him too.

FearTricksPotter · 26/10/2011 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

apachepony · 26/10/2011 20:55

I was about to ask whether he was from a big family. To my shame I can be a bit like this with food. You had to be ruthless to get the best bits when I was a child! Dh is just amused (mostly....)

ColdSancerre · 26/10/2011 20:57

Could be that. Then again my DP is also one of 4, rarely had sweets/treats and isn't an arse about sharing food. I was thinking more about going hungry a lot in the past.

NearlyLeglessEuphemia · 26/10/2011 20:57

My dad was a child in the war, dad away, mum making do and mending. Although he was an only child, he developed a great desire to have anything he wanted, eat anything he wanted, once he was an adult.

He's a terrible hoarder as well - typical of someone who didn't have much when he was a lad.

EllaDee · 26/10/2011 20:58

thingumy - but what you describe is totally different from what's in the OP. I wouldn't think what you describe was anything wrong at all.

My DH is 6ft tall, broad, weighs over 16 stone. I am 5'4. Obviously, I don't eat the same portions as him! And if you and your DH don't buy treats for each other, so what? You presumably are both happy with that.

IMO that is very different from the OP saying she asks for this stuff - the nice bit of steak for once, not eating the burnt bits, a share of some crisps, etc. - and her partner says no. That's really selfish.

sevenoften · 26/10/2011 20:58

I don't like it, but I can (sort of) understand the not sharing snacks etc. It might be a bit annoying if you have a thing about it.

However, refusing to buy nice treats for you at the shops, or insisting that you eat the 'bad' bits (burnt, fatty etc) is just not on. That's not a preference, or a style. It's flat out selfish. Surely, there must be other issues if he can behave like that?!

lostinwales · 26/10/2011 20:59

Dh is like this a bit, eldest of four, if he pours wine he bends down to check we have equal amounts in our glasses, I always say if he could be bothered he would count the peas out!

Thingumy · 26/10/2011 21:00

why is he being mean though about sharing snacks? If he doesn't want to share,he doesn't want to.Just because you want a piece of someone elses food,it doesn't mean they have to share it with you.

I understand how the burnt food would get on the op's nerves though.

ColdSancerre · 26/10/2011 21:01

Yes, it was the making OP eat the burnt bits that struck me, if I burnt something I'd either throw the burnt bit away and everyone would have less or I'd eat it, because I burnt it. Even sharing he burnt bit out equally would be OK. But giving it to your OH because your food greed is more important isn't very loving is it.